


Statera

by scigeekchic15



Category: Reylo - Fandom
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 59,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scigeekchic15/pseuds/scigeekchic15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey and Kylo are bonded together.  They do not realize how important that bond is, for both them and the rest of the universe.  Through many trials they will find what they both have been craving, love and family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Connections

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fellow Reylo shippers. I would appreciate it if you left comments, it would help me greatly with improving my writing skills. I am a novice writer, so I am new to this creative genre. Your input is greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy my story. Thank you.

Chapter 1: Connections

The market place was crowded, and bustling with patrons. The sun was mercilessly beating down on Ben as he sat on the wine barrel, staring after the girl at the Kasa fruit stand. Her skin was a tawny, almost golden-brown color, and her hair was deep, dark brown, with highlights from the sun. Ben, engulfed in studying her, barely noticed the heat. The girl’s name was Desai. He knew that much from buying fruit from her two weeks ago; he also heard the young girl, whom he believed was Desai’s little sister, say her name. Desai had a pretty smile, warm and inviting, he wished he did not have to wait two weeks to be able to see it. His uncle bought them here, to the city’s market to get supplies. Their bi-weekly visits were the only time he felt that he could breathe, and just be Ben, not the student, not the disappointment, just Ben. She did not know who he was, he wanted so desperately to change that, but he could not think of a way to approach her. He could buy fruit from her again, this time to ask her name. Then what? It’s not as if he had the freedom anymore to come and go as he pleased as he did when he was with his parents. They were always busy with their own stuff he could disappear for two days before they noticed he was gone. Now he lived with his uncle, and he felt like he was in a prison camp, strict rules of behavior, curfews, and scheduling. Most days he wanted to blow his brains out. “Why are you staring at her like that?” A small voice said in a whisper, the voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “What?” he asked, pulling his eyes away from Desai to look down at the little girl that was standing next to him? “Why are you staring at her like that?” She repeated. The little girl was about five with big hazel eyes, and brown hair pulled back from her face, she was small, almost wispy. “I’m sorry, who are you?” He responded feeling slightly annoyed. She tilted her head to the side and studied him. “I’m not supposed to tell my name to strangers,” she said “Then maybe you shouldn’t mind stranger’s business, then” Ben responded back looking away from the little girl and back to the fruit stand. Desai was no longer there, it was the young girl operating the stand now, damn. Where did she go? “You're strange” The little girl said to him in an offhanded way, as if she just made up her mind about him. Strange, she is calling him strange. “You have some nerve calling someone strange when you’re the one just talking to random people you don’t know…… where are your parents?” The little girl shrugged her shoulders “Around, shopping” She said. Clasping her hands together in front of her, she began to sway at the waist, side to side. “Are you here by yourself?” She asked. “Are you?” Ben quipped back. The little girl sighed, unclasped her hands and furrowed her brow. “You know, you would make more friends if you weren’t so… so… mean.” She sounds concerned, and a little hurt. “What! Look… kid, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, go find your parents.” Ben stated, getting up from the barrel to walk away from the little girl. As he began to walk past her, she grabbed his hand, a feeling of warm and cold went up his arm. Ben snatched his hand away. “What the Fu…” he said shocked, bewildered, and curious at the same time. “You feel lonely,” The little girl said, looking up at him. At that very moment, he heard a woman’s voice call out from a distance. The little girl looked in the direction of the woman’s voice and then back at Ben. “That’s my mommy, I have to go…be nice” and with that she was gone, blending in with the crowd. Ben looked at the hand the little girl was just holding, what he felt was almost; if he didn’t know any better, force like… strange.  
Later that evening, Ben sat alone on the green, lush lawn of the school’s compound. The air was cool, and the sky was clear. The stars shone like diamonds in the night sky. Ben loved the stars, most of all he loved being in the skies with them. There was something comforting about those bright twinkling lights. Most nights his thoughts often would be of Desai; her hair, her smile, how soft her skin must be. Tonight, however, his thoughts were not on Desai, but another girl, and the mystery surrounding her. Who was that little girl? Why did she feel the need to approach him? In addition, what he felt, when she grabbed his hand; he was convinced more now that it was the force emanating from her. The girl was no more than five, how could she have the ability to read him the way she did? All of it was just strange. “Why are you sitting here alone Ben?” his uncle asked, coming up behind him. Ben was so engrossed in his own thoughts; he didn’t notice his uncle’s approach. Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I really wish you would let me in, talk to me.” His uncle said, settling down next to him on the grass. “I just like being alone with my thoughts, I don’t feel the need to share.” Ben responded back. His uncle didn’t say anything else; they sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

The weather was changing; Ben felt it in the air. The sun wasn’t as hot, and the air wasn’t as heavy. The Market was not as crowded as it was two weeks ago, but his uncle wasn’t here for just supplies, today he was on a recruiting visit. Whenever his uncle felt a shift in the force he would go around to the surrounding planets to find where that shift came from. Ben knew it was the girl his Uncle felt. He felt the shift the same day she appeared in front of Ben, looking up at him with those big, bright, hazel eyes. Ben never told his uncle about her, he knew he would find her anyway, no need to help him in his endeavor. Ben knew his resentment was probably unfounded against his uncle, but he couldn’t help how he felt. The life of a Jedi seemed boring, and lonely. He was tired of being lonely, and had no interest in having the fate of the galaxy resting on his shoulders. Ben glanced over to the fruit stand as they walked passed it, and at that very moment Desai looked up, and smiled at him, shocked Ben looked away for a second then looked back. She was still smiling at him, following him with her eyes, looking directly at him. Ben looked away again, could it be that she had always noticed him staring at her, and this was her signal to him to talk to her? Ben looked back at the fruit stand again; she was no longer looking at him but helping a customer. “Uh...I can wait here at the market while you go find the girl,” Ben said, vying for some time by himself so that he could go talk to Desai. “I sense anxiety from you Ben, You’re up to something…so no” His Uncle responded back, barely glancing his way. A flash of anger rose in Ben’s chest; it made his head hot, then cold. His Uncle stopped short, grabbed hold of his arm, halting his stride. The grip on his arm was firm, strong and tight. “You need to learn self-control, your flashes of rage will lead you astray, calm yourself,” His uncle said with a low calm voice. Ben did not want to be calm, he did not want to swallow his anger, he wanted to lash out, he stared at his uncle, right in his eyes, and steel calm gray met stormy brown. “Calm yourself” His Uncle repeated, his voice still low, still calm. Ben felt his anger bubbling, his head getting flashes of cold and hot, the more his Uncle told him to calm himself the angrier he got. He wanted to lash out, but he knew that he couldn’t, at least not here in the middle of the market place, not so close to Desai. This was the ugly side of him. The side that could scare her away if she really was interested, reluctantly he closed his eyes. Taking slow, deep breaths Ben calmed the raging, boiling emotions within him. Once he felt settled, he opened his eyes, his uncle, still holding his arm, still studying his face. “I’m calm,” he said, “Can you let go of my arm?” His Uncle did not comply, his grip was no longer tight, but he still held onto him. “How did you know we were going to see a girl?” He asked. Ben Shrugged “I met her two weeks ago, she approached me, and started talking to me…being really annoying.” Ben said not really looking at his Uncle as he talked, he knew he should have said something but he didn’t feel like being helpful or cooperative. “When she grabbed my hand something happened, I can’t explain it…it’s like now I can sense the little brat even when I am back at the compound, it’s a faint sense of her, but I can still sense her.” Ben really couldn’t explain what happened that day, one day he’s just Ben, the next he has this…presence with him at all times. When Ben finally looked up, his Uncle, he was looking past him, eyebrows furrowed, staring off in the distance. “It will have to be repressed, this bond” Ben heard his uncle say faintly under his breath, he said it so low Ben thought he might be hearing things. “What?” Ben asked. “What?” His uncle said, snapping his attention back to him. “What? Nothing…let's keep moving” His uncle responded, and with that, they continued on their way towards the girl’s home.  
The house was small but tidy; an older woman was sweeping some glass up from the floor when Ben and his uncle walked into the main living area. “I’m sorry; who did you say you were again?” The younger woman that lets them in asked, her hands clasped in front of her, her head slightly cocked to the side. She looked like a full-grown version of the little girl, her long brunette hair pulled back from her face, she had sharp hazel eyes, and Ben couldn’t help but stare at her. She had a gentleness about her, a softness, but she also seemed keen, and sharp, like not much got past her. “I run the school on the other side of the Tenebris woods. The woman pierced her lips, and narrowed her eyes. “That is a very isolated area, very hard to get to.” Tilting her head to the other side, she unclasped her hands that were in front of her and put one hand on her hip. “Why are you here?” Ben’s uncle met her suspicious stare evenly. “I came here to talk to you about your daughter.” At that moment, as if she had been summoned, she appeared, the little girl with the big hazel eyes. “Can I come out of the corner now mommy? She asked softly, her lower lip quivering, her eyes looking forlorn at the floor. “Apologize to your mother for such outrageous behavior first.” The old woman snapped. Looking up from the floor, her eyes brimming with tears she sucked in air, with quivering little pink lips. “I am sorry, mommy.” She said looking at the younger woman. “Ok, you can leave your corner; go outside in the back and play.” Her mother said to her, giving her a faint, reassuring smile. The little girl’s demeanor changed instantly, running to her mother, she flung her arms around her waist and buried her face in her mother’s skirts “Thank you” Ben heard her say, and her little voice was muffled by the fabrics. The young woman placed her hand on her daughter’s head, gently stroking the girl's brown locks “You mustn’t throw things when you’re angry, that is no way for a young lady to behave, and you must stay calm, and reason out your feelings.” Her mother said sternly. The little girl looked up at her mother “I know, I’ll do better, I promise,” She said, giving her mother a big smile. “Good” her mother responded, smiling down at her, and gently pressing the back of her hand against the girl’s soft cheeks. “Can he come out with me?” The girl asked, suddenly grabbing Ben’s hand and pulling him towards the back of the house. “Go with her Ben, her mother and I have much to talk about” Ben’s uncle said dismissively. Ben reluctantly complied, following the little girl out of the back of the house.  
The little yard was as pristine as the inside of the house. The yard was closed in by a wooden fence with a door. One side of the garden had herbs and vegetation growing in a small vegetable garden, the other side had a small tent erected with small, painted handprints all over it. “I’m guessing that is your little get away over there,” Ben said gesturing towards the tent. “Yeah, do you want to see the inside?” The little girl said excitedly. No, Ben did not want to see the inside of some five-year-old girl’s tent. He could care less. What he wanted to do was head back to the market and talk to Desai. Wait…why couldn’t he? His uncle was preoccupied and not paying attention to him now. “Hey, I have a better idea…how about we go to the market and get some cold cones before they are gone for the season?” He said, putting an inflection of excitement in his voice. He felt her feelings of mistrust, but also a slight feeling of interest in his proposal. “I know it is something, you and I both know we are not supposed to do….but, I do like the sound of cold cones….any flavor I want? She asked, looking at him questioningly. “Yeah, whatever you want kid” Ben said, he just didn’t want to miss his opportunity; he only had this small window. “Ok, let’s go” The little girl said, grabbing his hand. This time Ben didn’t pull away.  
The little girl hummed as she ate her cold cone, Ben could sense her feelings of contentment and happiness, and he couldn’t help but smile. “You know, I don’t know your name,” Ben said, looking down at her. She looked up at him and smiled. “You look nicer when you smile…my name is Kira” She responded, turning her attention back to her cone. Ben didn’t realize he was still smiling, but for some reason he couldn’t stop. The girl was affecting his mood somehow, and honestly, he didn’t mind. “Well, nice to meet you Kira”. By the time, Ben reached the fruit stand his anxiety had gone away, and he was in a very good mood, which for him was a rarity. “We would like two Kasa fruits” Ben requested holding up two fingers. Desai smiled at him, which made his heart skip a beat. “I don’t think I have ever seen you smile” Desai commented as she picked up two pieces of fruit and put them in a small sack. “Really?” He responded, “Have you been studying me?” he asked, lowering his eyes and his voice. Desai laughed, it sounded musical to him. “No more than you have been studying me; I am just more subtle about it.” Desai playfully responded back holding the bag of fruit out to him. Ben choked out a nervous, embarrassed laugh, raking his hands through his dark hair. His nerves were back. “Do you want the fruit or not?” She asked, one eyebrow raised and a playful smile on her face. “Uh... yeah, hand them to her.” He said, glancing down at Kira. During the entire conversation, he had felt the little girl’s hazel eyes burrowing a hole into the side of his head; he felt amusement and curiosity emanating from her. Whatever the connection he had with her it was very annoying at times. “Here you go cutie,” Desai said, lowering the bag to hand it to Kira. Kira turned her gaze to Desai and smiled. “He really likes you…you make him nervous” She said, reaching out to take the bag. When Kira placed her little hands on the bag to take it from Desai their fingers grazed for a second, Kira snatched her hand away as if it had touched fire. Ben felt a wave of panic, worry, and sadness roll off the little girl, right into him. Her little eyes were as big as saucers. “You ok?” Desai asked with worry in her voice, she walked out from behind the cart to approach the little girl, but Kira backed up from her and turned her panicked gaze to Ben. “I want to go home,” She said in a low voice. Desai looked both confused and concerned “I don’t know what I did, I’m sorry” Desai said to Kira and then stood back up and looked at Ben with confusion evident on her face. Ben shrugged his shoulders, he didn’t get the emotions that were feeding into him from Kira, but he wasn’t going to let some little girl and her mood swings ruin his chances with Desai. “I have no idea what’s up with her,” he said, smiling at Desai “Kids right” He said jokingly. Gently pushing Kira behind him and her emotions mentally away as well. Ben moved closer to Desai, still smiling, his hand outstretched to take the bag with fruit in it from her. “How much?” his voice sounding smooth and low, which he was really surprised he was able to pull off, because his insides were quivering and he felt like his voice probably should be too; especially since lately his voice has been doing the crazy cracking high low thing. Desai smiled and held out the fruit in front of her, but kind of close to her body making him move in close to her to get it. Her body swayed a little, as he got closer to her. She glanced at the ground shyly and then looked up at him, smiling. “Nothing” She whispered. “Nothing?” he whispered back as he placed his hand over hers, and the bag. She looked down again, biting her lower lip. “Ben…right?” She asked, still looking at the ground. “You know my name?” he said, surprised. “Yeah…I heard your Dad say it…well, yell it a few times when you guys would leave the market.” She said, finally looking up at him. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something to me for like forever.” She said to him smiling and biting her lower lip. “My Uncle” he corrected her. Ben felt elated, she liked him, and she wasn’t even hiding it. Why didn’t he do this sooner? Then he felt a small tug behind him. He had almost forgotten the little brat was standing behind him. Kira was shaking her head no, eyes big, brown and… concerned? Ben snatched the tail of his shirt from her hand and mouthed, stop it, before he turned his attention back to Desai. “I want to see you later,” he said. “Can you get away tonight, where can I meet you?” He asked her as he step even closer to her, he was so close now that if he wanted to he could tip her chin up and plant a kiss on her full lips. He heard her breath catch. “Um… you mean sneak out my parent’s house?” She said nervously, looking around, and then at the ground. “My dad will kill me if he catches me.” She said quietly. “If my uncle catches me it would be the same, but sometimes certain things are worth the risk…you’re worth the risk to me.” Ben whispered to her, where all of the boldness, confidence and smoothness coming from, he didn’t know, but he wanted more than anything to be around this girl. She looked up at him and smiled nervously “Ok…meet me at the youth building by the east gate, around seven; there’s a game of swick happening tonight, so I won’t exactly have to sneak out.” She said, her smile becoming surer. Ben raised an eyebrow “are we attending the game?” he asked. Desai shook her head. “No…but it makes a good cover” She said. Getting on her tiptoes, she kissed him lightly on his cheek, and removed her hand from the bag that they both were still holding. She turned and went back behind her fruit stand. Ben smiled at her. She winked at him. “Ben!” He heard Kira’s anxious little voice behind him. He looks behind him at Kira’s small face, she didn’t look as upset as she did a few minutes ago but her expression was still earnest. “Alright Kid, I’ll take you home.” Ben said, holding out his hand for her to take, she nodded, and slipped her little hand into his.  
When they arrived back at the house he saw Kira’s very worried mother and his very perturbed Uncle waiting for them outside the little house. “They look mad,” Kira said softly. The little girl’s mood on the way back was very different than what it was when they had left the house an hour before. They had stopped at a play area for a little while so he could get her to explain her sudden shift in mood towards Desai, but she didn’t want to, or couldn’t say. “Yeah, well, it isn’t something I’m not used to.” Ben mumbled. Kira lets go of his hand and ran to her mother; throwing her little arms around her mother’s waist, burying her little face in her mother’s skirt. Her mother, bending down to hug her back, glanced at Ben's Uncle, then at him she turned and ushered Kira back into the house. Ben slowly shuffled his way over not really looking forward to his Uncle’s lecture, but at the same time scheming on how he was going to get away from the compound that night to see Desai. “Where were you, how could you take her away from the house without letting her mother know, without asking if it was ok first?” His Uncle’s voice was stern and he heard a hint of anger as he hurled the questions at him. Ben was not going to say he kidnapped the little girl so he could talk to another girl that gave him wet dreams every night. Yeah, that would go over real great with his stick up the ass uncle. If his dad were here, he would probably tell him about Desai, his father would laugh, give him a wink, and a slap on the back. Not his uncle, no, he will have to hear the lecture about the dangers of attachment, of having relationships. The only response he gave his uncle was a shrug. His Uncle’s lips thinned and his eyes flashed of impatience and anger, and then, it was gone, as quickly as it appeared. When his uncle spoke again, his tone was even, and his demeanor was steady. “Your impulsiveness will lead to your destruction if you’re not careful Ben.” He said, gesturing his hand for him to step back into the house. “We need to block the bond you and the girl share, as well as suppress some of her abilities that she is too young to handle right now.” His uncle said; his eyes studying him as Ben walked past him into the small house. Ben knew his uncle could sense he was up to something, hell he was always up to something, or else he wouldn’t be his father’s son.


	2. Threads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is now Kylo Ren. It has been a number of months since his encounter with Rey on Star Killer Base, and his ego is bruised. To top it off the Finalizer is expecting two guests that he is not looking forward to seeing.

Chapter 2: Threads

The night air was cool. There was a slight breeze that made his hair whip around his head. Ben’s shirt stuck to his chest, it was slick with blood. “I’m scared, Ben …” Desai said between halting, short breaths. “Shhh… don’t talk,” he said between sobs. She was dying, and he couldn’t do anything but wait for the help his father promised to send. All he could do was wait.  
“Kylo! Are you coming?” Kylo was snapped back to the present by Hux’s voice. He hadn’t thought about Desai in years, especially not that day. Kylo had pushed that memory has far back into the darkest regions of his mind as he could. That day, was the day he was his weakest. He was almost angry that he allowed it to pop into his head, and today of all days. “I’m coming,” he growled, as he pulled on his mask.

A nervous energy filled the air of the Finalizer. It was almost palpable. Kylo Ren knew what everyone’s jumpiness was about, and it wasn’t because of him, even he felt something in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t fear, it wasn’t nerves, and if he had to put a word to it, he would say it was contempt, mixed with dread. Everyone around him was on edge because of the two people that were scheduled to arrive at the base, one he respected, the other he could live an eternity and be glad to never see that person again. Kylo stood in between both Captain Phasma and Hux in the Ship's docking bay awaiting the arrival of the ship that carried their two guests. Hux tugged at his uniform jacket nervously and Phasma…well Phasma was as still as a statue per usual. “Stop twitching, I doubt she will barely look your way’’ Kylo growled at Hux behind his mask. “You would say that, wouldn’t you, still in love with her?” Hux hissed back. The muscle in Kylo’s hand twitched, he fought the Urge to force choke Hux, instead he calmly retorted; “I’m not the one nervously tugging at my clothes.” “Boys, boys, you're both pretty” Phasma said with what sounded like amusement in her voice. Hux made a sound in the back of his throat and gave Phasma a dirty look, Kylo just stared straight ahead, happy for his mask. He didn’t still love her, if it was love. As time passed, he wasn’t sure what it was, all he knew is that in meeting her his life changed, it bought him at this very moment, standing here with the one person he would love to shoot into outer space, and another he somewhat tolerated. Maybe he did at one time love her, a naïve young love that caused him to make very unwise decisions. As for her, she was not the girl he knew, the girl he guesses he loved, she had her face, body and voice, but she wasn’t her, and the thought of seeing the imposter, the body snatcher, is what filled him with dread.  
The ship pulled into the dock, black as coal, and silent as death. The Ship’s air hatches hissed open and six storm troopers came out, followed by a captain, two lieutenants, the General with his hard eyes taking all three of them in, and then her. She wore all black, her helmet tucked under her arm, her lips held a half amused smile. Hux stood at attention, so did Phasma, Kylo tried to relax his body and make his physical demeanor appear as uncaring as possible. The lower ranking party situated themselves neatly behind Kylo, Hux, and Phasma, the General and Kylo’s thorn, Tarra, with her amused smile, stopped short in front of them. The General surveyed them with his unyielding hazel eyes before he finally spoke. “Your failures have become legendary, the disappointment Supreme leader Snoke feels is quite profound, which is why I am here; children cannot be trusted to run a war.” His voice was harsh, low and raspy, his words had a bite to them, a promise of something no one would enjoy. The General tilted his head towards Kylo, eyes narrowed; he walked closer to him, until they were practically toe-to-toe. “Kylo Ren….hmm...I have heard many things about you boy….you have potential…..you lack conviction.” The words came like a low growl from the older man’s throat, Kylo was unsure how to take it, it felt… threatening. “What do you know of my convictions?” Kylo responded back. “You don’t know me anymore than I know you” The General smiled, a smile that in no way reached his eyes. “I think, boy, I know you better than you think you know yourself.” The words came out with a hiss from between the Generals teeth, and with that, he turned and addressed Captain Phasma. “Lead the way to the debriefing room, Captain.” Phasma tilted her head in a slight bow and turned to lead the way.

The meeting was long, boring, and slightly insulting. Kylo was grateful it was over and happy to be back in his quarters. He lay on his bed in his dimly lit room, staring at the ceiling, slowly tracing the faded scar that went across his face, his other hand resting lazily on his bare stomach. The scar was a reminder of her, the scavenger girl, whom he allowed to best him. The thorn, Tarra Ren bought it up in the meeting, her eyes twinkling with amusement when she did, unfortunately he could not hide his embarrassment, and anger. The general had made him remove his helmet before the meeting began, which caused Kylo’s blood to boil, but he obliged because Snoke had hollo-conferenced into the meeting. He heard a ding from his quarter’s door; Kylo never got visitors, so that meant it was her on the other side of it. He wouldn’t have answered if it weren’t for the fact that if he left her standing out there, she would have caused a scene, and the last thing he needed was more talk floating around about him. Tarra’s hair was no longer in the single French braid she always wore; it was out and flowing over her shoulders and down her back. Her soft curls framed her pretty face; she almost looked like the girl he remembered… she almost looked like Desai. “What do you want?” He hissed. She smiled not the warm smile he used to love, but the cold and devilish, slightly amused smile he had grown accustomed to seeing from her. “Well, it took you long enough” sarcasm dripping from her words. “Well, the thought of you in my quarters makes me want to quite literally vomit, so…” Kylo responded with disdain. Her eyes flashed with what looked like anger, but the smile never left her lips. She pushed passed him, her bare shoulder brushing up against his naked chest, her perfume, tickled his nostrils, and he felt something stir in him. No matter how much he hated her, sometimes even wished she would disappear, never to return, she still managed to get a physical visceral response from him. She had changed from her black battle gear to a soft silk dress that had a neckline that plunged dangerously low, exposing the cleavage of her soft breast. She glided like a cat to his sofa and settled down gracefully, settling the soft dark gray fabric of her dress around her. “Have you missed me?” she purred her voice low, almost sensual, her eyes lowered. “No” He hurled the word at her as brutally as he could. Her eyes snapped back up, burning with anger. “Really?” She spat back, springing from the sofa, crossing the room towards him with such speed he knew she used the force to do so. Her hand slapped against his chest hard, slamming him against the wall. “There was a time you couldn’t think of no one else,” she hissed. “The girl I thought of constantly, the girl I pined for…..is not you, was never you.” He whispered looking her in the eyes, his voice cold and even. “You have her body and face, but you’re not her.” She moved closer to where her lips were precariously close to his, the anger leaving her eyes, the smile returning. “You're right, but you don’t have to love me to fuck me,” she whispered back. He could feel the heat of her body against his, he could smell her, and her hand on his chest felt like it was burning his skin. He fucking hated Tarra, but for whatever reasons his body, and his mind was not working together. “Is that what you want?” he snarled at her. She looked up at him, she smiled, her eyes filled with lust and anticipation. Kylo grabbed her roughly by the hair, pulling her head back, with his other hand, he grabbed the low neckline of her dress, pulling it hard until it ripped, and the rest of her breast was freed from its confines. She yelped and then began to laugh. He let go of her hair and pushed her hard away from him. “Take it off,” he said roughly, and low. She complied, happily. He watched as the torn dress fell away from her body, into a heap on the floor. He was hard, he could feel himself pressed uncomfortably against his trousers, and she was right, he didn’t have to love her, or like her to fuck her. He moved towards her, grabbed her roughly by one arm and threw her over his shoulder, she squealed. He felt anger and lust all at once, he wasn’t going to be gentle, he wasn’t going to be nice, and he would give her exactly what she wanted.  
He watched her as she removed a shirt out of his draw and pulled it on, the black shirt stopping at mid-thigh. She was tall, not as tall as Phasma but much taller than the scavenger girl. “Why are you still here?” he mumbled grudgingly. Tilting her head to the side, she studied him and the corner of her lips turned up in a slight smile, her eyes twinkling. “Look at you… swimming in self-loathing.” Her voice was filled with amusement and Kylo knew that she was going to try to get under his skin. Tarra had a knack for emotional and mental manipulation. She looked for the smallest thread of a person’s psyche, pulls, and tugs until the person becomes completely unraveled. She used to be very good at making him insane, driving him to the point of feeling like he was losing his mind, especially when he thought she was Desai. When Snoke was using her to mind fuck him, he couldn’t understand her actions, why she was doing and saying certain things. It took him two whole years before his thick head figured it out, and by then there was no turning back, no being Ben Solo, he was Kylo Ren, the real Desai was dead, and there was only Snoke, and her…the sadistic bitch. “Don’t start with me, Tarra,” he said, watching her as she slinked back over to his bed, still smiling. She lightly touched her hand to her chest with a look of fake innocence. Then she threw her head back and laughed. “Oooh, you are so easy,” she smiled, and sat down next to him, reaching out to run her fingers through his dark hair. Kylo jerked his head slightly in protest, she smirked, and scooted closer, running her hands through his hair, and down the side of his jaw, then taking her index finger and tracing his scar from his forehead to his jaw, down the side of his neck and collarbone. “She pulls on you, something deep within, doesn’t she?” She whispered, her finger still on his collarbone, her eyes studying him. It felt like her eyes were burrowing into his skull, but she did not attempt to invade his mind with the force, she just stared intensely at him, silently waiting for an answer. “What is this?” He asked suspiciously, she was making him feel uncomfortable. Her attention never wavered, she still watched him, watching his reaction, body language; he slapped her hand away from him. “Affection, concern….whatever this is, doesn’t suit you,” he mumbled, putting a little distance between them. “Hmmm” was her response, and she moved closer to him again, taking away the distance he tried to create. “Not concern, or affection, just curiosity.” She placed a hand lightly on his bare stomach, and looked at him, eyes searching. She leaned closer to him; hand still on his stomach, her lips grazing his ear. “She is innocent, sweet….powerful, beautiful….with a touch of darkness in her.” Tarra’s voice was low, barely a whisper, but he could hear every word, his heart raced with every word. “You want her...you have to be near her, that scavenger girl, there is something….something…?” Her voice trailed off. Kylo’s eyes were closed and his mind had drifted from The Finalizer to the scavenger girl. She was sleeping, her face was serene and calm, she looked peaceful, and she looked beautiful, small, and young. Kylo felt like he was floating above her, he was so close that he could reach out and touch her hair, her face, before he could stop himself that was exactly what he was doing. She stirred, and then opened her eyes lazily at first, then wide and frightened, sitting up on her cot with a jolt. Kylo’s eyes popped open; he jerked his body away from Tarra’s touch and shoved her hard with the force from off his bed. Tarra hit the floor, all legs arms with a thud. “What game are you playing at?” he snarled. Tarra broke into hysterical laughter from the floor. “Get out!” He barked at her. He was on his feet and snatching her up by her arm from off the floor, dragging her to the door of his quarters. Tarra stopped short in the middle of his sitting area, pulling her arm from his grasp, she had stopped laughing, but her eyes held a devilish twinkle in them, and the corners of her mouth held the slightest smirk. “What will daddy Snoke say if he knew of your new obsession?” She was mocking him, tug, and tug. This was a game for her, always has been, pulling on the string, trying to make him unravel. “I’m not playing your game Tarra, get out” he demanded. “You could have killed her that night, even wounded you could have, but you chose not to.” She was circling him, he felt like prey, and she the predator. Kylo wasn’t going to allow her to unnerve him; he wasn’t going to allow her to make him come undone. The one thing Tarra loved more than messing with people’s heads was a good fight, if he tried to remove her from his quarters by force, she would resist and his small residence would be destroyed from the brawl that would ensue. He could fuck her again, but at this very moment the thought of touching her made him physically ill. He had to give her nothing, nothing to feed off; he would show no physical or emotional response to her words. “Why do you think I am here?” she asked. “Why do you think after six years of us not being on the same ship, let alone the same quadrant, I am here?” Tarra gestured wildly around her?” Kylo shrugged his shoulders to indicate he had no clue, when in actuality he did have some idea of why she was shoved back into his life. “He sent me here!” Tarra’s demeanor had changed, she was looking…. almost emotional. She had stopped circling him, her arms were now crossed over her chest, and she was looking at the floor. “Believe it or not, I have some feelings of affection towards you,” she said finally looking at him. “That is one of the reasons why he sent me away; I was beginning to display an emotional attachment towards you.” Kylo just stared at her with suspicion, and confusion. What was he supposed to say to the sudden confession of hers? Was this a part of whatever game she was playing? She unfolded her arms and sighed in exasperation. “I know you hate me, and for good reason. I toyed with you, messed with your head a lot,” she took a step closer to him; Kylo instinctively took a step back. She did not attempt to close the gap, her brow furrowed, she sighed. Kylo felt like this was thirteen years ago, she would find new ways to emotionally fuck him over on Snoke's behest. “We are starting training together in a week's time,” she said, her voice low. Kylo folded his arms in front of him. “What then, are you to be the distraction from her?” “Does he really think I am so taken by her he sends you to do this girl in love act?” He snarled the words filled with contempt. She shrugged, not looking at him at first; she looked like her again, he could see Desai, but he knew this was just an act. “I never said I was in love, I just said I began to care…that I care,” she looked at him, her eyes were not cold, or held its usual devilish glint, it was almost soft, like how they used to be so many years ago. Anger overtook him, and before he could stop himself, he was choking her. How dare she look at him like that, like how she used to look at him! He knew better than to fall for this…this act, this fallacy. She pushed back against him with the force, making him loosen his grip around her throat; he went flying, slamming against the wall. He hit the wall hard and slid to the floor; she was on her knees gasping for air. “Get out!” he wheezed, he believed she cracked a rib. She didn’t protest this time, she pushed herself to her feet and hurriedly exited his quarters.


	3. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has several dreams about Kylo. Kylo forges an unexpected alliance.

Chapter 3: secrets

Rey couldn’t concentrate. She was trying to go through each meditative form as Master Luke had shown her, but she couldn’t focus. Last night was a restless night, she saw him, in her dreams; he was touching her hair and her face, and he didn’t have the deranged look in his eyes. The deranged look he had the last time she saw him, his eyes this time were gentle, soft. The dream felt so real it gave her chills. Why in the world would she be dreaming about Kylo Ren touching her! It had been three months since the destruction of Starkiller base and her last encounter of Kylo Ren, she had many nightmares about him, but this dream felt different somehow. “You need to focus” Rey heard Master Luke say behind her. Sighing, Rey broke her stance and turned to face him. “I can’t,” she breathed out, and flopped onto her butt on the ground. “Whatever is troubling you, you must learn to overcome it, and focus on the task at hand’ he responded. She looked up at him, exasperated, apprehension etched over her face. She lifted her knees to her chest, crossed her arms over them, resting her head down on her arms. “I am tired, can we call it a day master,” she asked, she really was tired and they had been at this for the majority of the day. Luke looked like he was going to say something else, but decided not to, he nodded, turned and walked away, leaving her alone with her thoughts.  
The night on the island was cool, the sky filled with twinkling stars. Rey sat across from Master Luke, eating fish and vegetables he grew in his small garden. She did not have the courage to ask before, and she was unsure if she should bring it up, but she had to know what happened to him, and to Ben, now known as Kylo Ren. “If you are going to ask, ask,” Luke said breaking the silence. “I’m not really sure how to frame the question, really.” She said, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Luke put his bowl down, looking at her intently before speaking. “Ben was a very impassioned child; he felt things more intensely than most.” Luke spoke softly, his eyes unfocused like he was transported to the past. “When he was smaller he had an imaginary friend whom he placed the blame on whenever he was admonished for doing something he wasn’t supposed to.” “As he got older he started to run away, disappearing for days, breaking rules, just being outright defiant.” Luke sighed, his lined weathered face becoming more despondent as he spoke. “On Leia’s behest, I tried to intervene when he was eight, but the boy didn’t take so well to being separated from his mother.” “After a year of dealing with a very temperamental eight year old, his father...Han suggested we wait until he was a little older.” “I sent him back home to his parents until he turned twelve and then I returned for him.” Luke paused for a moment as though he was reflecting on the events of the past, processing it again, mulling it over. “Maybe I should have left the boy with his mother, let him decide his own fate, but his parents couldn’t handle him, he had grown angry, obstinate, and this was by age twelve.” Luke stared into the fire, subconsciously stroking his thick, graying beard. “We all loved the boy, saw his potential, his power, his abilities to manipulate the force was strong, his mother and I agreed that it had to honed, trained…..but maybe I wasn’t strong enough to do it...too many mistakes made.” Luke’s voice trailed off on the end, the memories seemed to pain him. They sat in silence for the rest of the evening, only the sounds of the crackling fire and the night creatures of the island filled the air.  
Sleep came easy at first; she dreamed she was exploring the island, finding her way to one of her favorite spots. There was a cave, and a waterfall that flanked a beautiful lagoon, filled with colorful fish. She loved swimming there, the water was cool and refreshing, and the small fish tickled her toes as they swam by. In her dream she lay on her back, eyes closed lazily floating, in the water, feeling the small fish brush her skin. Suddenly she felt a presence intruding upon her peaceful dream, she felt it before, and she felt it the other night. Opening her eyes and springing to her feet, with a splashing of water, and no grace, Rey saw him. He was just standing there, no helmet, no shirt, just his dark trousers, knee deep in the water of the Lagoon. His skin was pale, and Rey could not help but notice how toned and muscular he was. “What…?” She started but couldn’t finish what she wanted to say. Her heart was racing; she was afraid, and confused. This dream nor the one from the night before was like her many other dreams that were wrought with violence, and blood. They just stood there, looking at each other in silence, he did not attempt to approach or attack her, and his eyes studied her, as though she was a puzzle to figure out. By the maker of the light, he was so human; his face soft and filled with so much emotion, what happened to him? He looked so confused, sad, but anger surrounded, and infused within all of those emotions. His eyes studied her, then it took her in, surveying her in her entirety; that is when she became keenly aware of what she was wearing in this dream, and she moved her arms to cover herself. He turned his head away, eyes downcast, then his tall figure shimmered distorted, and disappeared, Rey awakened with a jolt. Was she beginning to pity him, or something more?  
Kylo visited her again, this time without the aid of Tarra putting him in a trance. She was in a lagoon, lying in the water, looking content in just being. She wore a thin off white shift that was soaking wet. When she stood up to face him, the shift clung to her, he could see every contour of her toned body, her breast, her nipples that stood out from under the shift. He felt something stir...desire, for her, she seemed to read his mind because she moved to cover herself, her face turning red. He turned his head away so not to embarrass her more, and then he exited her dream. Kylo knew that Tarra had figured out he had a force bond with the girl. Would she run and tell Snoke? This was something he did not want Snoke to know about. This was the one thing that was his alone to have. Kylo had to know what Tarra intended to do with the information she now had. Jumping out of his bed Kylo grabbed a shirt out of his draw, pulled on his boots and headed out of his quarters. When Kylo reached Tarra’s quarters, he suddenly felt unsure. “What if this sent her the wrong message?” Before he could have second thoughts the door slid open, Tarra was standing in the middle of her quarters with her hair flowing about her shoulders and wearing a dark blue nightgown that hugged her body, and stopped mid-thigh. “Are you going to just stand there looking like a banther beast.” She said amused. By the maker, she was infuriating. “No,” he mumbled and stepped inside, the door sliding shut behind him.  
Tarra studied Kylo as he stood in front of her quarter’s door. He looked uncomfortable and anxious. He kept running his hands through his dark hair and looking around her living space. Tarra folded her arms across her chest. “What is it that brings you at such an unforsaken hour to my quarters?” “Are you looking for a round two of the other night?” She asked, adding that last jab, well because she knew that it would bother him. She saw his jaw twitch; he closed his eyes for a second, and then looked directly at her, folding his arms. “No, that will never happen again, I promise you,” he said, his voice steely. Tarra smiled, she figured she was never again going to share his bed, his declaration, did not surprise her. She was put back in his life by Snoke to be a distraction as well as move along his training, but as long as he was aware of the bond he shared with that girl, Tarra surmised that the former task would not be possible. “So you are here to chat as old friends then” She responded mockingly. He sneered at her, his eyes flashed with anger. “When exactly have we been friends, you have always been my tormentor.” Tarra tilted her head to the side and studied him, his body tensed, his arms were now down and to his sides, fist clenched. Old habits die hard, if she wanted to get what she needed from him she had to be less confrontational, and actually make him her friend, or at least an ally. She unfolded her arms, relaxed her body, and softened her voice. “You’re right; I was….but I was only doing as I was told.” She turned from him and walked over to her small bar, picking up a flask of coruscant brandy she gestured to him. “Drink?” she asked. He unclenched his fist, raking his hands through his hair again. “Sure,” he responded, walking over to her sofa and flopping himself down. Tarra eyed him, watched his body language. He was anxious, agitated, angry, but then again, he was always the three “A’s” but tonight he was something else… nervous. She walked over to him, handing him his drink, he took it and swallowed it in one gulp. She took a sip of hers and settled down next to him, waiting for him to state his purpose.  
Kylo did not know how to start off what he wanted to say or ask. Tarra sat next to him, quiet, studying him, her pretty face giving away nothing. Her sofa was small, so her knees were touching his, she still smelt good, she always smelt nice. She was taking small, slow sips of her brandy, her ample breast rising and falling with every breath. Kylo felt his head getting foggy, his mind getting distracted from the task at hand; he had to move from such close proximity of her. He jumped up hastily from the sofa, making his movements very jilted and awkward. Kylo didn’t understand why she had such a physical hold on him. Maybe because she was the only woman he had ever been with, from his teenage years when she was Desai, to even after she became Tarra. Tarra tilted her head to look up at him, propping her elbow on the arm of the sofa, resting the side of her head on her fist. She said nothing, just looking at him, waiting. Kylo turned abruptly from her and headed to her bar, he needed another drink. After two more gulps of brandy, Kylo felt ready to speak. “I know, you know about the bond,” he finally said, looking into his empty glass, not daring to look at her. “I want to know what you plan to do with that information.” He glanced over at her, she sat there looking at him, studying him the way she always did. She took a deep breath, rose elegantly from the sofa and glided towards him, her pace slow like a sauntering cat. Once she reached him she placed her glass lightly on the bar, she looked at him in his eyes. Her hand reached out to touch his hair, this time Kylo did not pull away. Her long fingers ran through his hair, and they moved to caress his cheek, she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I will not tell your secret,” she whispered. He looked into her eyes and saw something unfamiliar; it was compassion. “Is this real, or are you playing me?” he said, suspicion in his voice. She smiled, and the warmth of it actually touched her eyes, it unnerved him, and he pulled away from her. Tarra turned her eyes from him, looking at the floor. “Snoke took something from me that was dear to me,” she said softly. “I want it back, and you will help me find it” She said looking back at him, her eyes were steely, and anger flashed behind them. Yes, that was what Kylo was used to seeing in those eyes. “So in order for you to keep my secret I must help you get back whatever it is he took from you?” She nodded yes. Kylo looked at her, not knowing what to make of this new alliance, but he was more than happy to take it.


	4. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke talks to Rey about Ben. Rey has a pleasant dream about Kylo, and her views on him is starting change.

Chapter 4: Dreams  
Rey had been on the island with Master Luke going on six months. The routine was the same, in the morning they cleaned their small living spaces, ate breakfast and meditated for an hour. The rest of the day was hard training, pushing her body to the limit, strengthening her abilities in the force. There were many nights she was so exhausted she didn’t dream, and then there were the nights he would appear, tall dark, and silent. Three months of a silent aberration of Kylo Ren. Rey said goodnight to Master Luke, leaving him with his pipe by the fire. As the months went by he started to open up more and more to her, telling her stories of his, Han, and Leia’s adventures, even telling her about Ben and the few times he was just a happy, child, loved by everyone. Luke even told her about a girl that Ben had fallen hard for, that when Ben met her things became worse between the two of them. Tonight Rey was determined that things were going to be different, if he appeared in her dream again she would make him speak, it was her dream damn it! There had to be a reason why she kept dreaming about him. The more Luke talked to her about him, and the more he appeared to her, the less he seemed like a monster. He was lost, and maybe her dreams of him were the lights way of telling her that she had to help him somehow. Rey settled down on her cot closed her eyes, and anticipated what lay ahead within her dreams.  
She was in a lavishly decorated room, with a veranda that opened up to a view of a brightly lit city. The space was unrecognizable to her, as was the city. She had never in her life been in a space this lavish before. She caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror. Her hair was out and flowing to her shoulder, soft brown waves contoured her face. The dress she wore was of soft white silk, with a halter neck, and it billowed elegantly to the floor. “What… in blues light…?” She began when she trailed off; he was reflected in the mirror, calmly standing behind her. Spinning around, she turned to face him. He just stood there looking at her, studying her. He began to walk towards her; each step he took made her heart race faster. He did this in every dream, move close to her, silently, not saying a word, until he was close enough to touch her, and she would wake with a start, heart racing. So tonight he walked towards her again, face earnest but not arrogant, his scar she gave him now faded a bit, but still visible. He was also dressed differently, he wore black trousers, but it was not the rough, heavy wool material, but softer, like velvet, a matching black dress coat that stopped at the knees, the dress coat was embellished with embroidery up the arm, black leather buttons, and a high collar. He looked regal, handsome, almost noble. He was in front of her, so close, but this time she didn’t jolt awake. He reached out his hand, he never did that before, she looked at it for a long moment before placing her hand in his. His hand was huge, and warm, and it completely dwarfed hers. “Why are you here?” she asked, looking up at him. “Why do you think I’m here?” he asked back. Of course, he would answer a question with a question he was a conjuring of her imagination, a product of her self-conscience. “I have to help you,” she said confidently. He looked confused for a second, then amused. “Help me?” “Do I seem like I need help?” he asked, with a smirk on his face. Although Rey knew that, this was just an imagined Kylo it irritated her that an aberration of her mind was mocking her. “Look, you keep appearing in my dreams, and I surmised that it has to be for a reason; the only reason would be for me to help you realize who you are.” He looked down at her and smiled. He Smiled...lightning strike her now, he smiled! The smile warmed his whole face and Rey's heart felt like it leaped up into her throat. He leaned really close to her. “Are you saving me then?” he whispered, low and throaty. Rey’s breath hitched, she couldn’t find words. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up, bringing her lips closer to his. “You are more than welcome to try, but sometimes people are beyond saving” and with those last words he kissed her. His lips were warm, the kiss light and gentle. Before she realized what she was doing, she was kissing him back. Her arms found its way around his neck, and he had her pressed close to his body with one arm, picking her up off the floor, the kiss went from soft and gentle to deep passionate, and heavy. She parted her lips to let his tongue explore her mouth, and she felt a moan leave her. What in the galaxy’s stars was she dreaming! Rey shot up on her cot, breathing heavy, heart racing, and still feeling the lingering presence of his kiss.  
Kylo opened his eyes slowly. He smiled to himself in satisfaction. He had been patient and slow, not wanting to scare her. She was convinced that he was an aberration of her imagination, and he wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. He wanted to bring her over to his side, but not until Snoke was dead. Tarra had convinced him that the only way for them to get what they wanted Snoke had to be taken care of. Tarra and Kylo were now at an understanding, he found that he hated her a little less every day. They trained hard during the day, and conspired at night. Dare he say they were becoming friends? She knew his feelings for Rey, and he knew of her secret. She was capable of love, and that her love was for a five-year-old boy she hasn’t seen since the day he was born, her son. To Kylo's relief the boy wasn’t his son, he was Hux. Six years ago when she was using Hux to get under his skin, she found herself pregnant and unsure who the father was, him, or Hux. Snoke sent her away, and once she gave birth he took the child from her, she’s been searching for him ever since. There was a ding at his quarter’s door; he opened it with the force allowing Tarra entrance. Within a few moments, she was standing in the entryway of his room. “Hey” he said, looking over at her from his bed. “Hey,” she said back, walking over, and snuggling in his bed next to him, putting her head on his chest. “Good night?” she asked. “Yeah, I’d say it was. We kissed,” he said, sounding happier than he meant to. “Well, look at that,” she responded. They lay in the darkness of his room, listening to each other breath. She came to his quarters when she had one of those nights when she couldn’t sleep. She said the familiarity of his body helped her relax. It was awkward at first, but the more time he spent with Rey, the less he reacted physically to Tarra, to the point that her presence in his bed was more comforting than arousing. Kylo broke the silence with a question he knew she wouldn’t be comfortable with. “Will you ever tell Hux about him, about your son?” he asked. Tarra lay there, quietly a few moments before responding. “Why should I?” she said softly. “If I was him I would want to know, I think he has the right to know.” She didn’t say anything back; she laid there breathing against his chest. Kylo said nothing else about it, so they lay in silence for the rest of the night until they both fell asleep, dreaming of the death of Snoke.  
The rest of the night for Rey was restless, by morning her eyes burned, and her body yearned for sleep. She dragged through the day, through her chores, and made countless mistakes in her fighting form. It was so bad that by lunch Master Luke suggested they stop for the day and ordered her to get some sleep. She obliged happily. Rey did not awake until the sun had already set, and the aroma of wild fowl wafted to her nostrils, nudging her out of her stupor. Rey arose from her cot, left her small sleeping niche, and stepped outside. Master Luke was sitting by the fire, stroking his beard, staring in front of him, occasionally nodding his head as though he was responding to someone. He must of heard her approach because he turned to greet her. “Rey, my dear, are you feeling more like yourself now that you have rested?” he sounded unusually perky, but she went along with it. “Uh, yeah...actually I do,” she settled in her usual spot opposite him on the other side of the fire. He began to slice pieces of the flesh of the fowl for her and placing it in her bowl. They ate and talked, he shared more stories with her, and she eagerly listened. He was in a good mood and she was very curious why, so when there was a break in between stories, as he stuffed his pipe, and took the first two puffs, Rey took the opportunity to ask. “Why are you in such a good mood tonight Master?” He looked at her, still puffing on his pipe, he blew the smoke out, making a perfect ‘O’ before he answered. “We leave this island tomorrow, we are going to rejoin civilization,” he said ceremoniously. “Really, I would have thought doing that would have bought you a lot of anxiety and apprehension” she responded, and then immediately regretted it, even to her own ears it sounded patronizing. Luke looked at her over his pipe, puffing away. “Sorry,” she said. Luke removed the pipe from his lips, and released the smoke from his lungs. “No need to apologize, I am a little apprehensive.” “I have no idea what I will face out there, but I have hidden myself from the realities of this galaxy long enough.” Luke looked at her with warmth in his eyes. “You, Rey, with your sweet spirit, and kind heart have given me hope that there may be a chance to make things right.” Rey didn’t know what to say, and she felt herself tearing up, she was so filled with emotions she could barely contain it. Rey rushed over to her master threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug. Tomorrow they returned to civilization!  
Chewie arrived in the Millennium Falcon just before sunrise. They spent the better part of the morning packing, before they ate breakfast, and prepared to leave the island. Luke told Rey they were making a stop at a place called Sanctuary before heading to D-Qar, where the Resistance was currently based. Rey was excited about leaving the island, to be going to a new place, but she was also going to miss it. Although it had been, only her and Master Luke on the island this was the first time in all her life she felt like she was home, and didn’t feel alone. Rey trailed behind Master Luke and Chewie as they headed up the ramp of the Millennium Falcon, turning around Rey took one last look at the beautiful green island, maybe one day she will return.


	5. Chase, Catch, Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is sent to capture his mother, intelligence says she is in the Corellian system. Kylo encounters Rey instead and a pursuit ensues.

Chapter 5: Chase, Catch, Release  
The day started off the same, sparing with Tarra, shower, breakfast and now this relatively boring meeting. Kylo shifted in his chair; unfortunately, he couldn’t hide his boredom because The General insisted on him never wearing his mask when being debriefed in a meeting. The entire four months that both The General and Tarra have been on the ship, he had not been summoned to Snoke’s presence, which he found a little unnerving. Him and Tarra had been sent on a few suppression missions where they destroyed pockets of resistance here and there, but no face time with Snoke. Did he sense his betrayal? Moreover, who will take his place; will it be Tarra, him and Tarra, just him? How will Rey fit into all of it? Would he be able to convince her to be at his side? What was she doing right now? Kylo was mulling over these questions in his head when he heard his mother’s name mentioned. His ears perked at the mention of her. “What?” He said, sitting forward in his chair. “I thought that would gain your attention,” Hux snorted. “Once again, you, Tarra and a team will be going to capture General Organa-Solo, we have intel that she will be in the Corellian system,” Hux repeated. Kylo’s jaw twitched, the Corellian system was the birthplace of Han. Why would his mother be foolish enough to go there? She had to know that it would be one of the places that the First Order would be watching closely, especially since that is also the system most ships are commissioned from. “You seem, troubled Kylo, do you have an issue with this mission?” the General asked, watching his face intently. Kylo leaned back in his seat and tried to relax his body, and keep his face devoid of emotion. “No General, no issue here.” he said as coolly as he could muster. Kylo could feel Tarra staring at the side of his head; he knew she was going to rip into him later. “Good” the General responded as he turned back to Hux, and his presentation.  
As everyone filed out of the debriefing room, Tarra found her way at Kylo’s side. “Kylo, we need to go over some details if you don’t mind, walk with me a bit.” She sounded all business, and considering the fact that they spent the majority of their time together, between training and missions, no one bat an eye. Tarra held the correspondence tablet in her hand, pointing at random things that had nothing to do with anything. She kept her voice steady and her expression as cool as a cucumber; anyone passing them would only see two co-workers going over a brief. “What in the flying fuck is wrong with you?” She said. “You need to stop wearing every single emotion on your face, or we will have our heads on a pike before we can say banther shit.” She stopped walking and turned to face him. At that moment, Kylo wished he had remembered to put his mask on; he looked sheepishly down at the floor, and raked his hand through his hair. Tarra sighed loudly and rolled eyes. “For fuck’s sake!” At that moment, two officers walked past them staring. “Tarra shot them a murderous look. “If you value your eyes you better divert them,” she hissed at the officers. The officers hastily turned their heads, quickening their pace. “We are going to have to work on you being able to lie with not just your words, but with your body language, and even your bloody mind,” She said, turning to walk again. “Come on, we have a few hours before we have to leave to kidnap your mother.” Kylo watched her as she walked in front of him, before following her he pulled on his mask; he found security in its darkness and the narrowness of his vision.  
Not wanting to stand out in Coronet city Terra and Kylo opted not to dress in their battle gear. Kylo still wore black, a simple hooded military style leather coat, black trousers, and black boots. Tarra wore a red military style leather jacket with black accents on the collar, shoulders and cuff, black bodice, black leggings with knee high boots, her hair pulled tight in a high ponytail. The Command shuttle was landed in the forest with storm troopers dressed in civilian clothes scouting the countryside; there were also two nights of Ren trailing not too far behind them. Kylo and Terra were in the City to see if they could get information on General Organa, and what business she had in Corellia. “Why do you think your mother would come here?” Tarra asked. Kylo shrugged his shoulders; it didn’t make sense for her to come here other than to commission a ship for the resistance, at great risk of being caught by the First Order. Han’s parents were dead and gone; as far as Kylo knew, there was none of Han’s family left on the planet. The city streets were crowded and they had to push their way through the crowds to get to the fifth tavern for the day called Drunken Star. As they approach the entrance, Kylo knew that Rey would be inside, he felt her, her presence was so strong it stopped him mid stride. Tarra walked ahead a few steps, and then turned to look at him. “Today,” she said sarcastically, making an exaggerated gesture towards the entrance of the Tavern. Kylo raked his hands through his hair and proceeded to walk towards the door of the tavern where literally the girl of his dreams was somewhere inside.  
The Place was dimly lit, Smoky, and smelled of alcohol, and sweat; music played loudly with the accompaniment of a few hundred people talking. He could feel her, Rey, and her emotions. First confusion, then panic, then nervousness and anticipation. “I have never been able to feel her emotions before, just sense her,” Kylo whispered in Tarra’s ear. “That means she’s close, “she yelled back. Tarra pulled him a little closer so he could lean in for her to say what she wanted in his ear. “All I can feel is another force user, two actually.” Kylo nodded, he felt another user beside Rey also. “Was it his Uncle, could it be Luke?” If it was Luke, he would have recognized him, his signature through the force, so it had to be someone else. Kylo signaled for them to separate and scan the Tavern, Tarra nodded and went left, as he headed straight. Kylo could almost imagine his father being a patron of a place like this as a teenager. He met his paternal grandmother twice, once when he was very small and again, when he was thirteen, it was one of those rare times his father would take him on what he called “Guy time.” Kylo’s paternal grandmother told him stories of the trouble Han use to get into. She told him how Han always made her worry about his safety, she was always afraid she would have to go to the city morgue to identify his corpse. Kylo felt a twinge in his chest with the thought of his father. “Focus,” he thought to himself. Just as he got his mind back to the present, the crowd parted, for just a second, and he saw her, not just her, but the traitor who called himself Finn, and another male whose back was to him. Kylo’s lips curled in a snarl and he growled in the back of his throat, turning to his left where Tarra was he gestured straight, she nodded and began to push through the crowd to get to them, Kylo did the same.  
Rey felt him way before she saw a glimpse of him through the crowd. He still wore all black, less I am going to burn down your village, and more I’m young and stylish; one would say he looked like any other person in there. From a distance, she could barely see his scar, he looked just as young, and beautiful as the day he revealed his face to her when he captured her from Takodana. “We have to go,” she said, grabbing the technology that Leia ordered from the hand of the courier, and tossing him his payment. Within seconds she was out of her seat heading towards the back door of the tavern, Finn was close behind. Rey and Finn slammed out the back door into the alley where there speeders awaited them. Jumping on, they took off, behind them Rey could hear Kylo call her name. She didn’t look back, she didn’t have to, she knew he would follow them; as a matter of fact she was counting on it.  
Kylo and Tarra reached the table too late to capture Rey and Finn; they were already out the back door. Tarra grabbed the other man before he got away, as Kylo continued to head towards the back door to catch Rey and Finn. Kylo reached the alley in time to see them pull off on speeders. “REY!” he screamed in anger. Running from out of the alley into the street Kylo looked around to see if he could find a vehicle to use to pursue them, to the right of him, he spotted a speeder, whose owner was a few feet away haggling a vendor about the money he was charging for his product. Kylo quickly ran to the speeder and hopped on, as he pulled off, he heard an array of curses, and promises of bodily harm. He wasn’t that far behind them now. He had caught up enough to see them in the distance; they were heading out of the city. Gritting his teeth Kylo knew that if they split up, he wouldn’t be able to follow them both, he wished that he had the two Knights of Ren with him. Within moments of him thinking about how much he needed them, they appeared like dark angels on their own speeders, flanking him on either side. As soon as Rey and Finn reached outside the city limits, they split, Finn went right, Rey went left. Kylo was grateful for the sudden appearance of his knights, he hand signaled for both of them to follow Finn as he continued to follow Rey. He could feel her excitement, and nervousness. Her emotions unnerved him. Why was she excited? If anything, she should be afraid. Maybe her victory at Starkiller Base filled her with overconfidence. Kylo noticed that she was heading straight to the forests of Corellia, there was no way for her to navigate the speeder through that terrain, she would have to get off the speeder and run. Kylo inferred that there must be transport awaiting her there. As soon as she reached the Forest edge she did exactly what Kylo suspected, she barely waited for the speeder to stop before she was off it and running at breakneck speed into the forest. Kylo pulled his speeder next to hers, continuing his pursuit after her on foot. By the Blue stars light she was damn fast. Kylo could see her; she was a number of feet in front of him, her stride not breaking. Thank the light he had long legs, he was closing the gap between them. Kylo saw her reach to her side as she ran and grasp something in her hand, she was arming herself; he ready himself and grabbed hold of his lightsaber as well. She suddenly skirted to a stop. She turned to face him, and ignited her lightsaber. Kylo ignited his in response to her actions. Slowing his gate, he positioned himself to move into an offensive attack position, his light saber crashing violently into hers, blue and red sparks flying, the sound crackling in the air. Attack, attack and counterattack they went back and forth, changing fighting forms, both breathing heavy from the chase before, and the exertion of their confrontation. They moved through the forest just like on Star killer, slicing through the trees, only this time Kylo was at full form, and she was more trained. Their sabers locked, he was looking directly into her eyes. She was determined, he felt that...he could feel the determination pulsing through her, he could see it in her eyes; but the only thing he could think was how much he wanted to kiss her, how much he wanted her. Suddenly her expression turned to confusion, pushing back at him with her physical strength accompanied by the force, she was able to unlock their sabers, and gain space between them. She backed away from him, almost losing her footing as she did. “Why can I feel your emotions?” she asked in an almost panic. Kylo moved forward, she held her saber in front of her reading herself. Kylo looked down at his still ignited lightsaber, all red, quivering and angry; he turned it off, holding his arms out, then slowly placing the saber onto his belt. She still felt determined, but panicked and unsure… she hesitated, and then let her saber go out, but she didn’t place it on her belt. She looked different, the same, but different. She definitely was more polished. Gone was her desert attire, instead she wore a beige leather jacket that stopped at her hips, a white shirt, beige fitted pants with dark brown knee high boots. Her hair was pulled in a ponytail with three cornrows on either side of her head; her pretty face was glistening with sweat. “You know I don’t want to kill or hurt you,” he said, slowly walking towards her. “I told you before that I would always be honest with you,” he tried to keep his voice even, calm, still moving slowly towards her closing the space between them. She didn’t attempt to back away from him; she allowed his approach until they were standing very close. “Why can I feel your emotions, not just sense them like feel them as though they were my own?” She asked looking up at him. Kylo looked at her. She seemed so small. Breathing in deeply he looked her in the eyes. “We’re bonded through the force.” He half held his breath, waiting for her reaction. She still looked confused. “I don’t...I don’t understand” She said, looking at the ground, trying to process what he said. “When two people are bonded, they can not only feel each other's presence, but their emotions, and even their death, which leaves a gaping hole in the soul of the surviving bonded?” he said softly. He felt a mixture of emotions flood her, disbelief, anger, confusion. “You did this on purpose,” she hissed, eyes full of accusation. Kylo shook his head. She began backing away from him, before he could stop himself, he reached out and grabbed her arm, her lightsaber ignited; let her strike him down he didn’t care he just had to have her close. He pulled her back towards him. “I would never force a bond on you,” he whispered. “It just happened on its own,” he said, his voice pleading for her to believe him. Without thinking and going on impulse, he moved in and kissed her. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t strike him down, she let him kiss her. Kylo heard the sound of her lightsaber going out. This was ten times better in the flesh, she was warmer, she was real, he pulled her closer, she took her free hand and laced her fingers in his hair, her lips parting, letting their tongues explore each other’s mouths. They kissed each other passionately for what felt to Kylo as an eternity, but not long enough. She pulled away from him, pushing him from her slightly with her hand, then she looked at the arm he was holding; Kylo let her go. “I’m...sorry...I. ...” He trailed off; he didn’t know what to say. She placed the lightsaber back on her belt, she still felt confused and determined, determination was the strongest emotion. She looked away from him for a second, and then she moved back close. “Kiss me,” she said. “What?” he whispered. “Kiss me,” she directed. Leaning in Kylo placed his hand on the small of her back and brought her in closer so that their bodies touched, tilting his head and bending slightly he began to kiss her again. He felt one of her hands resting lightly on his forearm, her other hand he started to feel on the side of his neck then the back of his neck. Suddenly he felt a pinch, and then searing pain, he pushed her hard away from him with the force. Rey went skidding backwards, but she was able to steady herself a foot away from him. The use of the force caused the pain to increase through his spine and head, he screamed out, and fell to his knees. “What did you do to me?” He screamed in agony. “What needed to be done,” he heard her respond. Darkness enveloped him, like a thick stifling blanket.  
Rey watched him fall to his knees in agonizing pain from the device she placed in the back of his neck. “What did you do to me?” He exclaimed. Rey could feel the searing pain ripping through his body. She could feel his anger, his feelings of betrayal, his disbelief of what was happening to him. She felt all of his emotions; they crashed into her like violent waves. “What needed to be done,” she responded, and then the wave of emotions from him stopped, as he slipped into unconsciousness. Rey fell to her knees and gasped, taking in gulps of air, she began to shake, and then cry. It was all too much, his emotions, his pain, her emotions, intermingling intertwining into each other. “You ok?” she heard Finn’s voice ask behind her with concern. She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes before facing her friend. “I...I’m fine, it just took more out of me than I thought it would,” she said, getting up from her knees. Finn looked at her unconvinced, but he didn’t push it. “Come on, let’s get him out of here, and back to the ship,” he said. In his hands he had a square metal plate that was 36 inches wide by 36 inches long, and six inches thick. Finn placed it on the ground next to Kylo and pressed a button, the plate levitated, and unfolded to 6ft in length making it into a metal gurney. “His feet will hang off a bit, but it will make it easier to transport him.” Finn said as he pressed another button. The now metal gurney, settled back on the ground next to Kylo. “Help me get him on this thing” Finn requested as he tried to roll Kylo over. Rey walked over to Finn. “It would be easier for me to use the force to get him on that gurney than us trying to use physical strength,” she said as she knelt down to help Finn roll Kylo over on his back and straighten him out. “If you believe you can do it, the heaviest thing I can levitate is a few rocks,” Finn said. Rey closed her eyes and opened herself up to the force, calming her mind, letting it flow through her. Opening her eyes Rey stretched her hands out towards Kylo, focusing on the flow of the force that surrounded him, focusing on the manipulation of it. Do or don’t do, there is no try, she chanted in her head. Kylo’s body lifted a few inches off the ground; Rey carefully moved him over to the gurney and placed him down on it. “Well, alright, I’ll radio in and get our transport out of here” Finn said going for his communicator, but before he could radio in, his communicator flew out his hand and he went flying into a tree knocking him out. Rey saw in the corner of her eyes a figure, before she could turn to react, she found herself flying away from Kylo from a very violent invisible push. However, unlike Finn she did not slam into a tree, she felt a jerk as she was halted in midair, it was so violent and sudden, it made her teeth rattle, and her vision blurs. When Rey was able to refocus, she saw a woman kneeling next to Kylo; she had a look of concern on her face. The woman smoothed away hair from Kylo’s face, and ran her fingers affectionately down the side of his cheek. Suddenly Rey’s body jerked and she was being pulled back toward the woman and Kylo. When Rey was, relatively close to the pair she was suddenly slammed violently to her knees, it made her teeth clatter, and her head and knees ache. “What did you do to him?” the woman said still looking at Kylo. Rey considered lying to the woman, but just as the thought crossed her mind, the woman looked at her. Despite herself, Rey felt a chill go down her spine. The woman was pretty. She was a golden brown color; her hair dark, and pulled into a high ponytail, her eyes was a deep cold green. “I, unlike him, hold no feelings toward you girl… I will snap your neck without a second thought,” she stated coldly. Rey believed her. “I...there is an inhibitor on the back of his neck, it can be removed by a device in my pocket” Rey sputtered. “I can get it for you if you release me,” Rey said. The woman smiled a smile that did not reach her eyes. “Do I look foolish girl, which pocket?” she asked, getting up from her knees and pulling Rey up as well with the use of the force. “Back pocket” Rey responded angrily, she felt so defenseless. The woman was strong in the force most likely stronger than her, the more she tried to struggle to release herself the tighter she felt the invisible hold get. The woman walked behind her and went into both back pockets until she found the device. “Good,” she said satisfied that it was there. “Now, how does it work?” she inquired. “You press it against the spot that the inhibitor is located, let it lock in, then put in the code, it will extract the device from his spinal cord” Rey answered. The woman knelt back down next to Kylo and did as instructed, the extractor did what it was supposed to and the woman was holding the device in her hand, examining it. “Clever” She hissed, and crushed it into dust. Kylo did not revive right away, but from the corner of her eye she, could see Finn stir, maybe they still had a chance. “Who are you?” Rey inquired, in an attempt to keep the woman distracted. “Who am I, not important” She responded. “The question is; who are you to him, who is he to me, and who we are to each other; and how will all of this knowing who we are, in the big scheme of things, affect everything else?” She said, looking back at her. Rey furrowed her brow in confusion. “What?” Rey exclaimed, “Is that response supposed to make sense or are you being facetious?” Rey asked a little agitated. Finn was shaking his head, trying to steady himself against the tree. The woman flicked her wrist in Finn’s direction, never taking her eyes off Rey. Finn collapsed back against the tree unconscious. She tilted her head to the side, examining her. “You don’t understand,” she said, standing up, her full length, reaching over Kylo she placed her index finger on Rey’s forehead. Tap, tap, the woman drummed on her forehead, Rey felt an invisible glass, in the deep recesses of her mind crack. “You don’t understand,” she repeated, at that moment Kylo stirred, the woman glanced down at him, Rey also moved her eyes to see if he was ok. All of a sudden, Rey’s body started to convulse, everything went white, and she saw him. A boy with a slight tan, dark almost black hair sitting on a barrel staring straight in front of him. Gasping, Rey jolted back to the present, the woman was looking at her, a twinkle in her eyes. “You don’t understand, but you will,” she said. The world felt like it was spinning, and then darkness overtook Rey. When Rey opened her eyes again, she was on a transport ship with Finn heading back to D’Qar. Finn was sitting next to her with concern on his face. “She let us go?” Rey asked, surprised. “I don’t know the she that you’re talking about, but when I finally came too, you were unconscious on the ground, and there was no Kylo Ren.” Finn answered. “We failed then” Rey said, upset with herself, her first real mission and she failed. She failed to deliver Kylo Ren to the resistance and Ben Solo to his mother.


	6. Changing Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren goes on the run from the First Order, and he wonders what his future holds.

Chapter 6: Changing course 

The footsteps of both Kylo Ren and Terra Ren echoed on the black surface floor of the holochamber that Snoke communicated from. The Supreme Leader was already talking to Hux when they entered. “That will be all Hux, you are dismissed” Supreme leaders venomous voice echoed through the chamber. Hux gave a slight bow and turned to leave. Kylo and Tarra continued their approach towards the Supreme leader and Hux had no choice but to pass between them, Kylo notice Hux take a quick glance at Tarra from the corner of his eye; Kylo wanted to chuckle to himself. Hux was still pining for her, and Tarra always seemed to care less. Supreme leader Snoke did not speak until Hux had exited the chamber. “You disappoint me… the both of you,” his voice icy. Tarra smiled that familiar smile of amusement. “Do we now supreme leader?” She tilted her head to the side. “What exactly disappoints you?” Tarra spread her hands in front of her. “Could it be the countless resistance cells Kylo and I have decimated in the name of the First Order that disappoints you my Lord, or how loyal we are to the cause… my Lord?” She asked every word dripping with sarcasm. “You, Tarra Ren... are a dissident, arrogant and disrespectful child,” Snoke hissed. Tarra smile disappeared and she bowed a deep curtsy like bow, her head low. “I mean no offense to my Lord,” she said. Snoke stared at her bowed head for a moment before speaking. “What disappoints me is your one failing out of your countless achievements.” Tarra rose from her bow and looked up at Snoke, the corner of her mouth twitched as though she wanted to smile again, but then her face become emotionless as she looked up at their leader. “If you are speaking about our inability to capture General Organa Supreme Leader, our intel was faulty….” Kylo began to try explaining what had happen when Snoke waved his hand to cut him off. “Yes, I know of that, but you also let that scavenger girl best you again, disabling you to the point that Tarra had to come to your rescue.” Snoke turned his attention to Tarra. “And you… you were supposed to ensure that he no longer pined for the scavenger girl.” Tarra’s smile reappeared, and she tilted her head to the side. “I believe he understands now that she cannot be turned to our side, that she is the enemy; isn’t that right Kylo? Tarra turned and looked at him as she asked the question. “Yes,” he responded, he kept his voice steady, and whatever thoughts and feelings he harbored for Rey he placed in a psychological box guarded by the force; it was a trick that Tarra had taught him to protect his innermost thoughts and feelings from intrusion. Snoke stared at Kylo, silently evaluating him, studying him, the silence was uncomfortable; Kylo tried not to falter under his leaders stare. “Because of Kylo’s continuous failings when it comes to this...girl, I have bought in some insurance...Vaughn.” Snoke called out a dark figure Kylo did not notice was standing in the shadows. The figure stepped forward, pulling his hood from his head. The man was tall and had a muscular build, his hair was salt and peppered, he had piercing icy blue eyes, he looked like he could have been about the same age as Luke Skywalker. “Vaughn will take over Kylo’s training from here on out,” Snoke said looking directly at Tarra. Tarra pulled her eyes away from Vaughn her smile gone, her green eyes were hard and cold, she stared up at Snoke for a few moments before giving a slight nod. “You are dismissed Kylo...Vaughn and Tarra stay here” Snoke said. Kylo gave a slight bow, turned and headed out of the Chamber. Before exiting Kylo looked behind him, Tarra’s head was straight and her fist was clench, she was angry and wasn’t trying to hide it. He had to give it to her; she was a bold one. The way she spoke to Snoke was like she was on the same level, like he couldn’t crush her with a thought. Kylo turned and stepped into the corridor, the doors to the chamber swooshed close behind him.   
Kylo laid in his bed looking out the window, staring at the stars that glistened like diamonds in the black void of space. He resisted the temptation to visit Rey in the dream world, since the incident on Corellia; he had not visited her in weeks. He still felt her, sensed her out there, but he felt betrayed by her. Kylo knew that feeling betrayed by her was irrational because she was technically the enemy, but he couldn’t help how he felt. Snoke was right, his weakness was his compassion for her, his need for her; he was compulsive when it came to her, he was weak, she was his weakness. Kylo groaned to himself, he felt restless. The hour grew late and there was no Tarra, she hadn’t come to see him in three days, and now that he was training with Vaughn, he only saw her once during a briefing. He rubbed a knuckle in dry and tired eyes, he figured she was not coming tonight, but at the moment, he wished she was in his bed, talking to him about anything. Tarra had become a friend, a confidant, and at night, a warm bodied sedative. If she wasn’t going to come to him tonight, he would go to her, just as he sat up to get out of bed, he heard the door to his quarters open, and within moments Tarra was at his bedroom door. She was not in her usual sleeping attire; she was fully clothed in civilian clothing. Her hair was in one braid down her back, she wore a dark blue jacket, black shirt, trousers and boots, a blaster on one hip, her lightsaber on the other. “Get dressed, and not as a Ren” She said hurriedly going through his draws tossing a few items in a satchel. “What is...What are you doing?” He asked, confused at her behavior. Tossing a black shirt at him, and then his boots Tarra did not stop moving around the room, gathering things she found useful. “I’ll explain later, right now we have to get off this ship,” She said dotting out of his room and into the common area of his quarters. Kylo quickly pulled on the black shirt, boots, and grabbed the leather coat he wore on Corellia along with his lightsaber. Tarra was standing in the middle of his sitting area waiting on him. She tossed him the satchel, and went to the door. She opened the door to his quarters, peeking out; she looked both ways to ensure the corridor was empty. Bending down, she picked up another satchel resting by the door. “Come on,” she said, and quickly exited the room, Kylo followed close behind her. They ducked, and dodged any living soul they saw until they reached the ship’s hangar. There were a handful of patrol personnel in the hanger, and a few repair droids, they ducked behind some metal storage containers. “What is going on Tarra?” Kylo asked anxiously. “I told you I will tell you later,” she retorted back. “I’m not moving another step until you tell me why we are in the hangar, why are we acting like dodgy criminals and why are you so fucking cryptic?” Kylo insisted. “I have to get you somewhere safe, the First Order is no longer safe for you,” she said. “I don’t understand” Kylo said, confused. “Yeah, like I said I will explain later” She responded back impudently. “Right now we need to get to a shuttle that the two of us can handle,” she said turning back to survey the available ships. Tarra’s eyes landed on Vaughn’s shuttle that could be manned by two people, Tarra smiled. “How very poetic” she muttered. Kylo saw the ship the same time she did, he looked at her and chuckled to himself; she was a bold one, anything to get a rise out of someone. At that moment a commander walked by holding a tablet that had the flight schedule on it, he stopped to speak to a storm trooper a few feet in front of them. Tarra stood up from their hiding place and walked over to them. “Excuse me commander… Tharvalous?” She said when she got close enough to read the commander’s name tag. “There has been a last minute flight added to the schedule for tonight,” she said in a commanding tone. The young man looked at his tablet. “I don’t see any additions Tarra Ren,” he said looking confused. “That is because this mission just came up, and I will be using that ship,” she said pointing to Vaughn’s shuttle. “As a matter of fact, give me the tablet, I will ensure that it is noted in the system,” she demanded, taking the tablet from his hand. “I...” The young man began, but thought better of it; he watched helplessly as Tarra added what she wanted. She smiled at him and placed both hands on the storm trooper and the commander’s arms. “You will forget that you saw me, and that this conversation, even happened” she lolled, her voice as smooth as silk, they nodded then walked away, continuing the conversation she interrupted. Tarra began heading to the ship, Kylo moved from his hiding spot and followed her. Once again, his life was changing course, because of that face; Kylo couldn’t help but wonder where this road would lead him. Will he finally find his way, or did death lie at the end of this path?   
Rey woke early that morning, feeling anxious. She knew it was bleeding over from Kylo, she could feel his anxiety, and fear, it flowed into her from where ever he was in the galaxy. She had told Master Luke about what was going on between her and Kylo as far as the bond, not the shared dreams or her kissing him; she was too embarrassed to share that. Her master had taught her how to block many of his emotions during the day, but at night, when her mental defenses were down; his emotional state would come through to her. Kylo stayed incessantly in a state of anger, confusion, sometimes fear, occasionally there was some ease to his perpetual agitation, but it was always there, around the edges. He had not visited her in the dream world since Corellia. She knew it was because he was still angry with her, he felt betrayed, an emotion she didn’t understand coming from him. Then again, she was no better. She unexpectedly missed seeing him, it has been weeks, and she was feeling a little...abandoned. Should she even feel that way? What was wrong with the both of them? They were supposed to be enemies, but since her knew awareness of their bond along with his visits in her dreams; he was more human to her than a monster, despite the horrific things he has done. She was beginning to understand the hope both Master Luke and General Organa held onto; to them he was Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Rey got dressed and left her room, she had a few hours before training. If she wasn’t going to sleep, she could at least eat. Lost in her own thoughts Rey barely paid attention to where she was going until she practically plowed Poe down. “Woe… watch out kid!” He exclaimed as she stumbled backwards from bumping into him, he reached out to steady her, and flashed a smile. Poe was handsome, muscular, and oozed of confidence. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I have a lot on my mind.” He smiled at her again, she smiled back despite herself, he had that effect on people. “I bet,” he said. Just then she saw Finn round the corner with a girl with red hair, they were laughing when they both noticed her and Poe and they waved hi. “You heading to the caf?” Poe asked her, she nodded. “I was heading there when you nearly killed me, want to join?” He said jesting with her, Rey laughed and nodded yes. Rey loved having friends, although sometimes she felt shy around them. The whole experience was so new to her. Companionship was new to her, it sometimes felt overwhelming, especially around outgoing personalities like Poe and the girl Finn was with; Rey believed her name was Kaylin. Her and Poe walked over to where Finn and Kaylin were standing. The girl was pretty; she had long dyed red hair, a slender build, slanted black eyes and pouty pink lips. “Hey” Kaylin said bubbly as she linked her arm into Rey’s arm. “You are not going to believe what I heard…” and with that Kaylin began a spilling of gossip that had been floating around the base, Poe and Finn fell behind them jesting and joking with each other. Rey just smiled and nodded, only half way listening to what was being said. This was her life now, friends, food, missions, training, and gossip. She was no longer a nobody from Jakku; people would miss her if she was gone, including Kylo Ren.  
Training with Master Luke was grueling as usual, Rey would leave slightly more bruised and sore than the day before. After training was debriefing and mission assignments, luckily she wasn’t assigned anything and she was eternally grateful, she was looking forward to returning to her room to rest for the rest of the evening. Rey even considered taking her evening meal in her room. Hopefully she wouldn’t run into anyone. Rey loved her new friends but they were a little exhausting at times. Finn had left training still full of energy, even after debriefing he wanted to hang out. Where he got the energy from she didn’t know. Rey rounded the corner to head down the corridor that led to her sleeping quarters when she saw Kaylin heading her way, Rey could see from a distance that the girl was brimming with excitement. “Oh no” Rey whispered under her breath, Kaylin was a sweet girl but hearing more gossip was not what Rey wanted to do at the moment. “Oh my stars, oh my stars!” The girl exclaimed, as she got closer to Rey. Kaylin was practically skipping and hopping with excitement. “This must be good, you look like you’re about to piss your pants” Rey said. “This is the mother load of news, like the mother fucking mother load!” Kaylin’s slanted eyes were open wider than Rey had ever seen them. “Kylo Ren is on the lam from the First Order, they are hunting him down and they have a bounty on his head!” Kaylin continued, grabbing Rey by both her hands. “Shit!” Rey exclaimed, she no longer felt tired and her mind started on a million different thoughts at once. What did this mean? What could he have possibly done to cause him to run from the First Order, and for them to put a bounty on him? “Shit is right, when we heard that come through, like communications sent a message to General Organa immediately; we are probably going to try to find him first!” Kaylin exclaimed. Rey pulled her hands from Kaylin’s and started heading back the way she had come. “Where are you going?” Kaylin called after her. Rey didn’t answer her; she had to find out what was going on, what was the plan? Rey broke into a sprint back towards the conference rooms.  
Everyone was talking at once, Master Luke stood in a corner, lost in thought and stroking his grey beard. General Organa looked frustrated as people talked all at once around her. Everyone was yelling over each other trying to get their point across. Some wanted to capture and Punish Kylo, others felt that they should let the First Order deal with him, and not bother wasting resources to hunt him down. A few voiced that the resistance should find him and extract as much information from him as possible, and then kill him. Rey wondered to herself if anyone voicing their opinion understood how grave the situation was. They were not just talking about Kylo Ren, the enemy and soul crusher of the resistance, but Ben Solo, General Organa’s son; Leia’s son. “EVERYONE SHUT UP!” Leia yelled, slamming her fist on the table. The room fell into hushed silence, General Organa took a deep breath and sat down, rubbing her fingers along her forehead and temple, her eyes closed. Everyone looked at her expectantly. Finally, she looked up; her eyes looked tired, but stern. “This is what we are going to do” she began. “We are going to find Kylo Ren first, we will interrogate him, he will not be killed, and he will be a prisoner of war and his punishment will be determined once this entire war is over” Her voice was hoarse, but authoritative. “Everyone get out” Leia said with an exasperated waive of her hand. Rey began to follow the mumbling crowd out when Leia looked her way and waved for her to come back to the table. Master Luke walked over to his sister and placed his hand on her shoulder; Leia looked up at him gratefully, and patted his hand with hers. Looking at Rey Leia gestured for her to take a seat. “Sit, please,” she said tiredly, Rey complied, taking a seat closest to the General. “Luke told me about the bond you and Kylo share,” she paused before continuing. “How deep does this bond run? Can you pinpoint his location?” “I...I don’t know, I have never tried to before; I don’t know if it is even possible” Rey replied. “It’s possible,” Luke said. “You just have to meditate, and concentrate through the force to do so.” Rey looked down at her hands for a moment before responding. “Are you sure about this, I mean bringing him back here?” “There are so many that want to see him dead, I didn’t realize how many until today,” Rey said, looking at General Organa. “It is the lesser of the two evils; I could just let the First Order deal with him, or deal with him myself.” “I know that people hate him, but at least here he has a chance to live, and maybe….” General Organ’s voice trailed off on the last part, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words, to voice her deepest hope. “Ok, well, I was embarrassed before to say anything about it, but, he used to contact me in my dreams.” Rey said looking down at her hands. “Then he stopped after Corellia.” “I can try to contact him that way, let him know that he would be safe here?” Rey looked up from her hands, waiting for a response from either her Master or General Organa. “Getting him to come to us under his own fruition would be better than sending people after him, less bloodshed that way” Luke said looking down at his sister. Leia nodded her head in agreement. “Can you try to contact him tonight?” Leia asked. Rey nodded her head yes, she had never tried to contact him, to enter his dreams before, and she didn’t know why she hadn’t tried before this. She will try tonight, and this would be one mission, she will not fail.


	7. Wants and Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is still on the run from the First Order. Rey finally contacts Kylo in the dream, and that encounter leaves them both with a lot to think about.

Chapter 7: Wants and Desires

Kylo hated outer rim planets; they always seemed to lack basic necessities and were always teeming with unsavory characters. The planet Tarra chose for them to ditch Vaughn’s ship was no different. Kylo stood back in the shadows. His hood pulled low on his brow, leaning against a wall as he watched Tarra argue back and forth about the cost of a piece of junk she meant for them to use to get to wherever their next destination was going to be. “Fine!” He heard the man yell at Tarra as she tossed a handful of credits at him. Tarra turned and began to head in Kylo’s direction. “I got us a ship,” she said, with a pleased smile on her face. You are just tickled with yourself aren’t you?” Kylo asked, a little amused himself, she didn’t even try to influence the dealer with the force, she literally just enjoyed the fact that she was able to haggle him down to the price she wanted to pay. “Yup” she said with a wink and a smile. “Where are we staying the night, the ship?” He asked her as they headed towards the ship she just bought. “Ah, that would be a resounding no, we are going to get off this light forsaken planet, and I have something arranged on Nar shaddaa.” Kylo stopped short, there was a bounty on their heads, and she wanted to go somewhere where the people there would skin their mothers alive if they thought it would make them richer. “Why in the blue stars would we go to that cesspool, shit hole of a city?” Kylo asked in disbelief. Tarra turned and looked at him as she still walked backwards to the ship. “We are going there because that would be the last place they will look for us, and because I made arrangements.” Kylo shook his head and began to walk again towards the ship. “You must want to get our throats slit while we sleep,” he mumbled to himself. “Yeah, well at least we have more of a fighting chance against the cut throats there, remember they hate all authority, and they have no love for the First Order,” Tarra yelled back to him in response to his grumblings. By the light, did she have dog-ears? How in the world did she hear him? When they boarded the ship she bought, Kylo wrinkled his nose, it smelled funny, and it made the Millennium Falcon look like an elegant flagship. “She is called Destiny,” Tarra announced when they were in the cockpit. “Destiny to hell” Kylo said wryly. Tarra looked at him sideways, she squinted her eyes at him disparagingly. “What?” He said throwing his hands up and gesturing like look around you. Tarra rolled her eyes. “Can you fly it?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you have asked that before you bought it?” He retorted back. “Kylo! She responded irritated. “Tarra!” He quipped back. “Fuck,” she said, rolling her eyes and tossing her hands in the air. Kylo sighed. “Yes, I can fly it,” he said, getting into the pilot chair, Tarra taking her place in the co-pilot seat next to him. “And now we fly to our deaths,” he said sarcastically as he started turning on the controls to the ship. “Not our deaths Kylo, not yet” Tara said. Kylo hoped that to be true.  
Nar Shaddaa, if Kylo had to guess it meant where shitty people went to die, or be fucked over. The city was overcrowded, polluted, and filled with the most vile, unscrupulous, villainous thieves, and cutthroats that can be found throughout the entire galaxy. They stopped at a bar once they arrived called the Vengeful Sinner. Tarra was talking with an Evocii male at a small table in the corner, as Kylo once again stayed his distance, hood pulled down, he sat at the bar nursing an alcoholic drink native to the city. “I don’t like the way you look” Kylo heard someone say to the left of him. Kylo glanced over from behind his hood. The man was a humanoid called an Imzig, and he looked like he was shorter than Kylo by several inches. The man was clearly intoxicated and he slurred his words when he spoke. Kylo took a sip of his drink. “Go sleep it off, you don’t want none of this” Kylo said blowing the man off. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, and you know what else I want, I want your fancy boots and your fancy coat too” the man slurred. Kylo sniffed, downed the rest of his drink, then stood up to his full height in front of the Imzig, looking down on him. Kylo figured if he showed the Imzig that he was no match for him that he would back off and bother someone else. The Imzig snorted indignantly and gestured for Kylo to look behind him. Kylo swore under his breath, he already knew what he would find behind him, either someone just as big or bigger than him. He already knew that this was going to be a brawl. Kylo fucking hated outer rim worlds.   
Kylo flinched as Tarra placed an ice pack on his busted lip. “Seriously, you couldn’t just sit quietly in a corner and stay out of trouble?” She said, a little pissed. Kylo took the ice pack from her hand. “We are in fucking Nar Shaddaa, those assholes picked a fight with me because they didn’t like how I looked!” Kylo yelled back. By the time they managed to escape the bar, Kylo’s fight turned into an all-out melee. They were now in a dimly lit, shitty lodging in one of the city’s many temporary housing units. Tarra sat down next to him on the bed with her own ice pack and put it on her jaw. She began to laugh, and laugh, she laughed so much Kylo started to laugh with her. Once she was able to contain herself, she looked at him and placed her hand on his face. “We are a mess aren’t we?” She asked, not really expecting an answer from him. Kylo took her hand from his face and held it. “What’s the plan Tarra, what are we doing?” Tarra turned her gaze away from him and looked across the room. She closed her eyes and began to speak, almost to herself. “Snoke had one thing right, you are special. You do have equal capacity for both light and dark, because of that you have a hard time fitting into one or the other. When you are forced to do so it turns into inner turmoil.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “You can neither be light or dark, you are both, and you have to learn how to walk the fine line in between. Snoke wanted to stomp the light out of you, at least enough of it to make you into what he needed. Your uncle tried to do the same with the dark, your mother and father feared it. No one has accepted you for what you are, for who you are.” Kylo looked at her earnestly, his emotions was a mess, he felt confused when it came to Tarra. She was the bane of his existence for so long and these past six months she had become his friend, and he began to care for her again. He felt that for the first time he knew the real Tarra, who she was, outside of what she pretended to be, and she knew him, the real him. “Anyway,” she continued. “We will stay here a few days, and then move on,” she said taking her hand from his, and getting up from the bed. Kylo reached out and grabbed her hand back. She looked at her hand, then him slightly surprised. “You accept me,” he said softly. Tarra looked at him, quiet for a moment, before nodding her head yes. “But I am doing most of what I am doing, for selfish reasons” she said. Kylo looked up at her. “I know.” Kylo stood up from the bed and stood in front of her, and placed his hand gently on her neck, and tilted her head to look at her bruised jaw. “They got you good,” he said, running his thumb across it, Tarra flinched. “They did,” She said back. Kylo leaned in and kissed her jaw, Tarra’s breath caught. Kylo wasn’t sure why he was doing what he was doing; he just knew he wanted more from her tonight than just a conversation. He moved his hand from her neck to her shoulders; she straightened her head to look up at him. “What was that?” She whispered. Kylo didn’t answer; he leaned in again, moving his hand to her waist now to pull her closer. He kissed her lightly at first, pulling his lips away slightly from hers, he looked at her. Her breathing had become fast, her eyes were close, Kylo smirked, and leaned back in to kiss her again. This time it was more aggressive, she kissed him back with the same amount of vigor, her arms were around his neck now. He turned her back to the bed, pulled away from their embrace and pushed her onto it. Kylo unbuttoned and pulled off his shirt, Tarra did the same with her shirt, and also removed the shift underneath. Kylo unbuttoned his trousers, then got on the bed and leaned over Tarra, kissing her mouth again, then her neck, taking her bare breast in his hand he leaned in and took as much has he could in his mouth. Tarra moaned, and began to push Kylo’s trousers fully off his hips, while he fumbled with hers. Eventually they managed to become both naked, kissing each other, Kylo exploring her with his mouth. The both of them knowing that they may regret all of it in the morning, but for now, for now they will get lost in each other, and forget that the galaxy longed for their deaths.  
Kylo lay asleep in the bed in front of her. Tarra sat in a chair, her leg crossed underneath her. May the light help her, she loved him. She was finally able to admit it to herself, but never to him. They were not destined, she knew it, yet she couldn’t help but fall for this man lying asleep in front of her. Tears welled in her eyes, and she let them fall freely, there was no one around to see them. So many years ago, Ben Solo bought the body of his dead girlfriend to Snoke to bring back to life as promised. In return, he would follow Snoke without question. Instead, she was bought back, in that young girl’s body, her gratitude for a new beginning brought her loyalty to Snoke for a time, even though she loathed him. Then she began to feel something for the boy she knew as Kylo Ren, and her mindset began to change. She was loyal, before she met a little girl with hazel eyes, and she saw that girl’s destiny tied so intricately to the boy’s; and before her child was ripped from her arms, she was loyal. Now, now, she wished for Snoke’s death, and both Ben/Kylo and that scavenger girl were the key to do it. Tarra knew that she and Kylo could not stay within each other’s company once they left Nar Shaddaa. His destiny took him elsewhere; the only thing she could do for him now was make sure he had what he needed for his journey. Wiping the tears from her face Tarra pulled on her trousers and boots to head out into the city before Kylo woke from his slumber.

Rey tried for two nights in a row to find Kylo’s dream world, but did not succeed either night. There were two possibilities for her failure, either she really sucked at this, or he just wasn’t going to sleep at the same time as she was. “OK, the third time's a charm” she said to herself. Rey settled down on her bed and closed her eyes. She let the force flow through her, concentrating first on her breathing and then on the emotions of the one she searched for. Rey began to feel weightless, and soon she was no longer lying in her bed at the base, but traveling through space, the stars swooshed past her so fast they became indistinguishable, and then everything turned white. When the bright white light cleared away, and her vision was focused she was standing a few feet away from a young couple, they looked to be no older than eighteen. They sat on a blanket by a lake, a picnic spread by their feet. The girl sat between the boy’s legs, her head resting on his chest, they were talking and laughing, but Rey couldn’t hear what they were saying. Rey recognized the couple, it was Kylo Ren, or maybe here it was Ben Solo; the girl was the green eyed woman she encountered on Corellia. They looked...happy, young and carefree. “That’s because we were” Rey heard a voice say behind her. Rey jumped, her heart racing, she turned to see Kylo sitting on a boulder behind her. Did he read her mind, or did she say her thoughts aloud? His hair was a little longer and he was no longer clean-shaven, he looked a little rugged. “You...I...Don’t sneak up on people like that!” Rey exclaimed. Kylo snorted in disbelief, and tossed a small pebble to the ground. “Sneak...You’re the one who appeared in front of me out of nowhere, intruding in on my dream.” He retorted. He was upset that she was here, in his dream, when he was the one that started it by intruding on her first! The nerve of the man, he had some bloody nerve! “Oh, you mean the way you constantly intruded on my dreams, making me believe you were no more than an aberration. You mean like that.” Rey quipped back, folding her arms across her chest. Kylo chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine Rey, what do you want?” He asked dismissively. “What?...”she responded back Their encounters in her dreams had never been like this, but then again, she wasn’t aware of what exactly was going on, and in this situation, he was very much aware. Rey turned and looked back at young Ben and the girl. “Who is she?” She asked, looking at the girl’s bright smile as she looked up at the young Ben. The girl’s eyes were soft and kind, not hard and cold like the woman she met weeks ago. “You didn’t come here to ask me about her,” Ben said. Rey turned back to face him. “No, I didn’t, but I am curious. Do you love her?” Ben waved his hand, and the couple disappeared. “I did,” he said. Rey walked closer to him. “And now?” She asked. She was almost afraid of the answer. She was having a hard time reading him, feeling his emotions. He was blocking her from them. Kylo didn’t answer immediately, squinting his eyes at her a moment, he then looked away, rubbed his thumb across his jaw before looking back at her. “That girl is dead and gone, so whatever love I felt for her died with her.” Rey looked away from him, shaking her head in disbelief. That girl was not dead, that girl was very much alive. “You said you would always be honest with me,” Rey said, looking back at Kylo. “I did,” he said. “Then why are you lying now, that girl is very much alive, I saw her on Corellia.” She sounded angry, even to herself. She shouldn’t be angry, she shouldn’t care if he loved someone or not, or if he was lying about the girl. She shouldn’t care at all, but she did. Kylo jumped down from the boulder he was sitting on and moved closer to Rey, he ran his fingers across her jaw line, then tilted her head up to look into her eyes. “What answer would please you Rey? If I say no she means nothing to me, would that make you happy? What if I said I have no idea how I feel about the woman you met on Corellia, that although I just fucked her hours before, I am still confused; then what?” He said it in a way that came off as cruel; he said it to hurt her. Rey pulled away from him. His words stung, despite the fact that she knew they shouldn’t, his words hurt. “Are you being cruel because of Corellia?” She asked. Kylo sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “What do you want Rey?” He asked again, avoiding her question. He was being callous, so Rey pushed aside her feelings and regrouped. Looking directly at him she stated what she was there for. That his mother wanted him to surrender into her custody, and in return for safe haven, he would divulge all he knew about the First Order. Kylo folded his arms across his chest, and lowered his head; he rocked back and forth on his heels before speaking. “Tell General Organa, I will accept her offer only if the same is extended to Tarra,” he said. Despite herself, Rey felt a pang of jealousy; it felt like a knot in her chest. “Tarra...yeah...sure,” she said, with a lump in her throat. Kylo tilted his head to the side and studied her. “What do you want Rey?” Rey looked up at him confused. “I just told you,” she responded back. “No, what do you want Rey, what is your desire?” Rey looked down at the ground. She honestly didn’t know. When she was on Jakku, she wanted her family, once she left Jakku she just wanted to belong somewhere. Then she encountered Kylo and she became confused in new ways. “I don’t know,” she said, looking back up at him. Kylo moved close to her, bending down he whispered in her ear. “Sure you do, you just won’t admit it to yourself.” He straightened, looking down at her, waiting. “I...well... What is it that you want, what do you desire?” She asked with indignation. Kylo smirked, grabbing her by the arm; he yanked her to him, then kissed her. Rey knew she should’ve pulled away, but she didn’t, her body wouldn’t let her, and she gave in. She found her back pressed up against a rock wall all of a sudden, and Kylo’s body pressed into her. “This is my desire, this is what I want...but only if you want it too,” he said hoarsely against her neck. His hand glided over her breast down the flat surface of her stomach, his finger finding its way to the soft wet pink spot between her thighs, he began to finger her. That is when Rey realized she was no longer wearing her trousers, but the white shift she had on in her dream from Ahch-To. Rey moaned as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth and fingered her at the same time. “What do you want?” He asked her again, still fingering her. “I...I…” Fuck, she couldn’t think. Kylo removed his finger and pushed away from her, putting distance between them. She was still breathing heavy; she was trying to gather her thoughts, her whole body quivered with desire. “Come back when you know what you want” he said. A flash of white light engulfed her and Rey found herself back in her bed. “Fuck” she said softly to herself. What was wrong with her? Why did she desire someone she knew was wrong for her? Then there was the issue of the girl he called Tarra, which Rey deduced used to be Desai, just like he used to be Ben. There was still something between them, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Rey had no desire to play second to anyone. Wait, what the hell was she thinking about? Did she really want him? “Fuuuck” she said again running her hands through her hair. She needed to get herself together.

When Kylo awoke Tarra was nowhere to be found, he felt somewhat relieved. It would have been weird waking up to a naked Tarra, after having been with Rey in his dreams. Kylo got up and went into the washroom to take a shower. He let the water run over him, allowing his thoughts to wander where they wished. First, he thought of Rey, he knew he desired her, he wanted her the first time he saw her. Then his thoughts went to Tarra, his feelings for her was not as clear-cut. Their relationship, their history was complicated, he probably shouldn’t have slept with her last night, but he did. Did he regret it? No, he didn’t, he needed her in that way last night. Kylo felt that for Tarra she may have felt some way about it, he wished he could feel Tarra’s emotions the same way he felt Rey’s emotions. When he got out of the shower Tarra was back, pulling out food from a bag. “I thought you might be hungry so….” She said glancing over at him. Kylo had a towel wrapped around his waist and nothing else, Tarra quickly diverted her eyes and pulled some clothes out of another bag and tossed it at him. “I got some clothes that look a little less tailored and expensive,” She said. Kylo nodded and began to get dressed. Tarra continued to avoid looking at him, Kylo suspected it was because of last night, so he got dressed quickly and went to the table to grab something to eat. Tarra finally looked at him when he approached the table. She smiled. “Now you look like any other criminal in this city.” She had gotten him a dark gray worn wool coat with a hood, a dark blue cotton shirt with faux tears in it, he still wore his black trousers, but the boots she gave him were dark grayish/ black and had a weathered look. “Thanks,” he said, sitting down to eat, Tarra winked at him, got up and headed into the washroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Well, if her weird behavior wasn’t an indication that she felt someway about last night, her locking the washroom sure did.   
Tarra was in the shower for twenty minutes, when she finally emerged her hair was down and wet, but she was fully dressed. Gone was her tailored blue jacket, silk blouse, and wool trousers. She had on a draped wool knit cardigan sweater that had an uneven hemline, rips in the shoulder area, where you could see the black of another shirt she was wearing underneath, black leggings, and calf height boots. Kylo looked up at her from the tablet he was skimming through. She always looked pretty with her hair down. “So Rey came to me last night,” He said, tossing the tablet on the coffee table in front of him. There was no delicate way for him to bring it up so he just threw it out there. “Oh” Tarra said, tossing the towel she was using to dry her hair on the bed. “Uh yeah, so she said General Organa is offering us refuge if we turn ourselves into her custody, and provide information about the First Order.” Tarra walked over and pulled a chair in front of him and sat down, reaching for her satchel she began to dig in it. She pulled out a small box, a piece of paper, and a small round device. “You should most definitely go to your mother...but only after you’ve completed your journey to self-discovery.” Tarra handed him a piece of paper, written on it were coordinates to two different planets. “You can’t go to her the way you are now, not if you want her to love you” She said, not looking at him. “My mother already loves me...I think?” He responded back. “I’m not talking about your mother” Tarra replied, still not looking directly at him. “I’m not following” Kylo said. Tarra finally looked at him. “This is where our journey together ends, for now; this is something you have to do on your own. Don’t worry, we will see each other again” She gave him a smile, and reached out to run her fingers through his hair. Kylo closed his eyes as he felt her long fingers dance across his scalp, then down the side of his cheek, he took her hand from his face and kissed her fingers, then the inside of her palm. Maybe he did love her, in his own way. Tarra pulled her hand away, picked up the small box, and handed it to him. “Don’t open this until you know who you are” she said. Then she picked up the device and handed it to him also. “This will block your signature through the force; it is the same concept as the inhibitor that was created to block you from using the force. This is the only one of its kind. I killed the scientist that created it so…” she trailed off. Kylo put everything she gave him in his satchel. “What are you going to do, while I am on this spiritual quest?” He asked. “Oh, you know me, party all night, sleep all day” she jested, trying to lighten the situation. Kylo smiled and leaned over and kissed her lightly on the mouth. “Don’t get killed when I’m gone,” he said. “I promise,” she whispered back. “So how am I to reach my destinations?” He asked her. “I’ve arranged something, if you look on that paper I have a name written down, ask for that person when you reach the docks and they will provide you a ship and a droid. Also allow the force to guide you to which planet to go to first,” she said. Kylo nodded and headed out the door, before the door closed behind him, he looked back at Tarra and wondered if it really would be the last time ever seeing her again. Tarra gave a faint smile good bye; Kylo turned and let the door close behind him.


	8. Refuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is upset that she can't feel Kylo Ren anymore, it's like he vanished from the galaxy. Then the green eyed girl shows up, and has Rey considering whether she really could love a monster.

Chapter 8: Refuge  
Kylo Ren had gone radio silence on her again. It had been a number of weeks since she was able to contact him, even worse, she couldn’t feel him anymore. She had gone to Master Luke about it, and they both tried to feel his presence through the force, but couldn’t. Rey felt panic and believed that somehow the First Order caught up to him, and killed him. Master Luke reassured her that he was alive, because none of them felt his death. “He has managed to mask his force signature somehow,” Master Luke said. “Is that possible?” She had asked. “The boy is strong in the force” was Luke’s response. There were sightings here and there of a tall dark haired male fitting his description in the outer rim planets, but then he seemed to vanish. Even the green-eyed girl seemed to have vanished into the Shadows of the galaxy. “He doesn’t want to be found” General Organa said sadly in one of their private meetings. The General called off the search for him, and all resources were turned fully back to defeating the First Order.   
Two months had passed since Kylo’s disappearance; Rey was on her way to meet Finn at target practice when she noticed a crowd excitedly heading towards the main atrium of the base. Rey suddenly felt another force presence, that she knew she felt before, and it wasn’t Kylo’s signature. Rey began to follow the crowd towards the atrium. She pushed her way through the crowd to get to the second floor railing to look down see who or what everyone was staring at. There she was, the green-eyed girl named Tarra Ren, she had her hands in the air and an amused smile on her face, blasters pointed at her by weary Resistance soldiers. “I am here to speak to General Organa,” she said, and then she looked up, directly at Rey, and winked.   
She came with information of a secret weapon that the First Order had been developing in the past year, it was rumored to be indestructible, and able to rip through any ship in its path. “And you have seen this weapon with your own eyes” General Organa asked. “If I said I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it” Tarra responded, seeming annoyed by General Organa’s question. “You must understand our hesitation to take you at your word, after all you and the rest of the Rens have spent numerous years decimating many of our Resistance post.” One of the commanding officers interjected. Tarra smiled, that smile Rey found extremely irritating. “You can believe me or not believe me; it makes no difference to me. I just wanted to help” Tarra responded callously. Rey found her to be very arrogant, and dissident, she didn’t like Tarra Ren. “Why are you helping us exactly?” Another officer asked. Tarra shrugged her shoulders. “For him, I suppose.” “Him who?” General Organa inquired. Tarra’s smile spread across her face. “Why, your son General. I want to make sure his refuge is secured for him once he decides to return to you.” Whispers filled the conference room; Tarra continued to look directly at General Organa whose lips thinned in agitation. Tarra’s smile never wavered, and she tilted her head to the side, studying the General’s face. “I didn’t realize it was such a secret that Ben Solo was aka Kylo Ren,” Tarra said, sounding slightly amused. Putting her hand on her chess Tarra faked remorse. “I am so sorry, I didn’t know it was need to know type of information.” Rey wanted to jump across the table and choke her. “It was, but I guess that information getting out before he arrives here is probably for the best” General Organa retorted. “Why isn’t he here with you?” Organa asked. “He had some things to do before coming here.” Tarra said, and then she looked directly at Rey when she continued. “But don’t worry, he is very much looking forward to being here with you, I promise.” Then Tarra looked back at Organa, still with a smile on her face. There was some back and forth for some time on whether to believe Tarra or not, once it was decided that if she was lying she would be tried immediately as a war criminal, with sentencing being possible death, Tarra presented the schematics for the secret facility. It was decided that Rey, Master Luke, Tarra, Finn and a handful of resistance fighters were to sneak onto the secret installation the following evening where this weapon was constructed gather intel, and if possible, destroy the weapon if it was still docked there. After the Debriefing Tarra Ren was escorted to a holding cell. Rey was tempted to go to Tarra’s cell to ask her more about Kylo. Was he really ok? Where was he, and why couldn’t she sense him anymore? But before she could make a move to head towards the holding cells, Finn appeared next to her. “So what you think about this whole situation, do you trust Tarra Ren? Is it me, or is bringing her along on this mission a little risky? Because I can tell you it’s just all seems suspect to me, but then again I may just be biased.” Finn said. “I think we’re all biased Finn.” Rey said.

That night Rey tried to reach out through the force again to reach Kylo, but she still felt nothing, Rey decided to go see Tarra Ren. The holding cells had indestructible glass fronts, so that it made it easier for the guards to monitor what the prisoners were doing. When Rey entered, Tarra’s holding area the woman was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her eyes closed, meditating. When Rey got close to the glass, the woman smirked. “Hello Rey” she said, opening her eyes. “Tarra Ren” Rey responded. Tarra tilted her head. “Come now, just call me Tarra, I feel like we are old friends now. Besides, I am no longer a Ren.” She said, standing up and getting on her bed, pulling her legs underneath her. “I know why you’re here,” she said in an almost sing song voice. “Do you” Rey retorted back. Tarra smiled. “He’s fine; he has to shield himself from everyone for his own protection, and sanity. The last thing he needs right now is for you to project onto him the man you want him to be. He needs to become the man he is meant to be. No outside influences. I believe he has had enough of that.” Tarra said, plucking an imaginary lint off her sheets, before looking back at Rey. “Ok, well then...what type of connection do you have with him then?” Rey stammered out the question, because Tarra pretty much answered her first question without her having to ask it. Tarra sat up on her bed and looked at her sideways, with that infuriating look of amusement on her face. “Why do you want to know?” Tarra asked. Rey shrugged her shoulders. “I am just curious.” Rey responded back. “My relationship with him issss….a complicated one,” Tarra answered. Rey furrowed her brow. “That tells me nothing,” Rey said. “Oh, you want specifics then...well we have had sex numerous times throughout the years. Mostly hateful vengeful sex, angry sex, somewhat violent sex, loving sex…?” “Stop” Rey interrupted holding up her hand. Tarra looked at her, and made a clicking sound with her tongue. “What I think you really want to know is does he love me; am I right?” Tarra said, getting up off the bed and moving closer to the glass until she was directly in front of Rey. Rey looked away from her. “Come now, you’ve come all this way to get your answers. Don’t you want to hear them?” Tarra taunted. Rey looked up at the woman; Tarra was maybe about three inches taller than Rey. “You are a real bitch,” Rey hissed. “Now, now, there is no need to get snippy. I’ll be level with you. Kylo has some feelings for me, whether it’s love…” Tarra shrugged her shoulders. “But you…” Tarra continued “Oh you my dear, you’re a different story altogether; he will love you with all of his being if you allow him to, and if you could love him back the same….well.” Rey pondered that over in her head. How can she love someone she doesn’t know? “I don’t know him to love him. And how can I love…” Rey’s words trailed off, she couldn’t finish what she was going to say, but Tarra finished for her. “A monster.” Rey looked away. “You and I both know that there is more to him than the evil deeds he’s done. Is your reluctance to open yourself up to the possibility of loving him coming from him being a monster, or him being viewed by others as a monster?” Tarra asked. Rey didn’t have an answer. Rey crossed her arms over her chest and backed away from the glass. “We both need rest for tomorrow.” Rey said, and with that, she turned and left the holding cell. 

The research facility was larger than Rey expected, they had to split up in order to search it, and to remain inconspicuous. Finn went with Luke, Rey was with Tarra and another resistance fighter named Leal, and there was three more soldiers waiting with their ship. The research facility was built underground of a planet that had torrential rain at night, located in the uncharted territories. The planet didn’t even have a known name. The facility seemed to be lightly manned, as they skulked through the corridors, they didn’t see a lot of people. Rey reasoned it was because it was late and anyone that worked here would be asleep by now. The few soldiers they saw were patrollers, security for the facility. “You don’t like me much do you girl?” Tarra whispered. “I don’t think this is the time, or the place, to discuss that. And why do you care if I like you or not?” Rey responded. “I don’t, it’s just the feeling I get from you,” Tarra said as she stopped to make sure the corridor ahead was clear for them to continue to the records room of the facility. Peeking past the wall they were standing behind, Tarra turned to Rey and Leal and held up two fingers, indicating that there were two soldiers standing guard at the entrance of the records room. “How do we get past them?” Leal asked. “We can kill them,” Tarra answered. “We are not killing anyone, we both are force users we can just convince them to leave their post,” Rey said. “I can only do that by touch, and if you haven’t noticed, I am wanted, so I won’t be able to get close enough to touch them,” Tarra hissed back. “I can do it without touching them, but I still have to be within ear shot of both of them in order for my influence to work” Rey said. “So then what’s the plan, one of you step out there and risk getting shot?” Leal asked, looking at both Rey and Tarra. Tarra rolled her eyes. “Oh for fucks sake” she said, stepping, into the corridor before anyone could stop her Tarra flicked her hand towards one guard, causing him to fly into a wall, and flicking her wrist again, snapped the neck of the other. “I said not to kill them,” Rey said running over to the soldier that got slammed into the wall to check for a pulse. The unconscious soldier’s breathing was irregular which probably indicated he had a crack rib, maybe even a punctured lung. “This is war sweetie, people are going to die” Tarra responded sarcastically as she worked to crack the code for the door to open it. “How can you be so callous when it comes to killing people?” Rey said angrily. There was a click and a hiss from the door as Tarra had managed to unlock them. Tarra turned and looked at Rey. “I have had practice. Now put away your bleeding heart, and let’s do what we came here to do.” The room they stepped into was large with a round console placed in the middle of it. The walls were filled with holochip records. “There must be thousands of records here, how are we going to go through all of them to find the one we are looking for?” Leal asked apprehensively. “Leave that to us,” Tarra said walking over to the console. “Do you remember the numbers I told you?” Tarra asked looking at Rey. Rey nodded and walked over to the other side of the console. “Well, let’s get started then “Tarra said as she began typing on the console. A holoscreen appeared in front of Rey, and information began flashing across the screen. All Rey had to do was search for the numbers Tarra gave her, in order to pull the correct records. They were searching for fifteen minutes when Rey believes she spotted what they were looking for. “Stop, go back” she said. “You found it?” Tarra asked, looking up. “I think so, go back slowly,” Rey answered. The screens went back a couple of clicks when she spotted the numbers, tapping on the number on the screen with her finger, she opened the record, “Is this it?” Rey asked. Tarra walked over to the side Rey was on. “Yes, let’s grab the holocrystal and get the hell out of here” Tarra typed in something into the console’s keypad, there was a sound of parts moving within the shelves and within seconds a holocrystal appeared in a slot in the console. Tarra went to snatch it from the slot, but Rey got it first. “You don’t really think I am going to let you hold on to this do you?” Rey said, looking at Tarra like you should have known better than to think she trusted her. “Uh, guys, we have a problem” Leal said, looking out the door into the corridor. There were a handful of soldiers heading their way. “Is there another way out of here?” Rey asked, as blasts started entering the room from the approaching Soldiers, Leal was returning fire as he backed away from the door. “Yeah, Follow me” Tarra said, as she turned to head in between some shelves to the left of them. Rey pulled out her communicator to contact Luke. “Master Luke come in,” She yelled into the communicator. “We are kind of preoccupied at the moment Rey, we ran into a few soldiers on our end” Luke responded. “Yeah, us too” Rey answered back. “Did you find what we needed?” Luke asked. Rey could hear the sounds of blasters and the whirring of lightsabers on the other end of the communicator. “Yes, we’re heading back to the ship” Rey replied. “Good, we’ll see you there” Luke answered before the communicator went silent. 

Rey, Tarra, and Leal made their way through the facility encountering a handful of soldiers on their way out. Tarra managed to kill a few of the soldiers they encountered, and Rey felt the woman enjoyed those kills a little too much for her liking. When they finally reached the outside of the facility, they were greeted with heavy rains and a First Order command ship with a hand full of Knights of Ren. Standing in between them was a man. Tall and muscular, he held his lightsaber already ignited. He wore all black, like the other Rens, but unlike them, he did not wear a mask or helmet of any kind. “Tarra Ren!” He yelled out. “You treacherous whore.” Rey looked over at Tarra. The woman’s lips were curled in a snarl as she stared at the group blocking their escape. “Vaughn” she hissed. Just then, Luke and Finn emerged from the building. “Can we fight our way through them to get to our ship?” Finn asked. “Our ship is most likely destroyed and the men manning it dead” Tarra responded back. “How can you know that for sure?” Rey asked. “Because that is what I would do,” Tarra responded. Luke shook his head. “I didn’t sense the deaths of those men so you may be wrong. Even if the ship is destroyed, they may still be alive.” The man Tarra called Vaughn began to move slowly towards them. “Give it up. All of you will be presented to Supreme Leader Snoke.” Vaughn said as he approached them. “As for you Luke Skywalker, he will be most pleased to see you.” Tarra, Rey, Finn, and Luke all ignited their lightsabers at the same time, as soon as they did; the Knights began to follow behind Vaughn in his approach towards them. Tarra yelled out a primal scream and set off running towards Vaughn, Vaughn and the Knights of Ren responded in turn. Red lightsaber met red lightsaber, sending amber sparks flying in the rainy night air. Rey, Fin, and Luke engaged with the other Knights of Ren, while Leal backed them with shots from his blaster. Red, green and blue sparks flew in the air as light saber met lightsabers, swords and staffs. This was Rey’s first time ever seeing her Master in a real battle. He was quick and agile for a man his age. She also noticed Tarra, she moved like a cat, and she was doing moves that Rey did not recognize. The Knights of Ren were very well trained, even the one’s with no force abilities. The fight was moving quickly, with Rey dodging, and swerving around multiple bodies in motion, all trying to kill her with various weapons. Rey saw her Master Luke blink with recognition when Vaughn moved into his view as he fought Tarra. Tarra was holding her own, as she managed to avoid and fend off every attack Vaughn came with, that is until she made one wrong move, and Vaughn managed to get a hold of her with the force. He raised her up in the air and sent her flying, and then he turned his attention to Rey, just as Rey was able to fatally wound one of her opponents. When Vaughn turned his gaze on her, she felt a chill. His eyes were a cold blue, she noticed that he looked to be about the same age as Master Luke, but he was tall and muscular. Before Vaughn could reach Rey Finn jumped in front of him, his blue lightsaber crashing into red as Vaughn raised his to defend against Finn’s attack. Then out of nowhere, there was blaster fire, one hitting Vaughn in the shoulder. The man stumbled back from the hit, grabbing his injured shoulder. Rey looked in the direction that the firing was coming from; who she saw gave her a sense of relief and Joy. It was the three resistance soldiers they had left behind on the ship. Tarra was up and running in their direction, Rey, Finn, Leal and Master Luke followed Tarra’s lead. As Rey got closer to the resistance soldiers she saw that Tarra was talking to one of them, she could hear her ask if they still had a ship. The soldier informed her that the storm troopers destroyed their ship, but they managed to send a distress call before they did. Rey stopped beside Tarra and the soldier she was talking to. “What are we going to do?” Rey asked panicked. “I know where we can get refuge until help arrives for us” Tarra responded. Tarra turned towards the Jungle and began to run; everyone followed her into the unknown.


	9. Grief and temptations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is on his journey to self discovery. The process is more painful than what he could have ever imagined.

Chapter 9: Grief and Temptations

The coordinates Kylo was lead to follow by the force was the one that landed him in Ahch-To. Kylo recognized it immediately as the place from Rey’s dreams. The first week was uneventful, he spent the majority of his time going through the meditations that Tarra gave him, and practicing his fighting forms. Kylo almost felt at peace, there was no commands to follow, no war to fight. He could almost understand why his uncle chose to hide here. Then the nightmares began. He started dreaming of the cities and villages he burned the people he tortured. Soon his nightmares became day mares, as the aberrations of the dead began to appear to him during his waking hours. A total of two more weeks went by with him screaming himself awake at night and still experiencing the same atrocities during the day. He had no peace, no refuge from his own mind. Kylo soon found himself standing at the edge of a cliff, tearing at his clothes and screaming at the sky. “What do you want from me? Please, please...I beg for it to stop!” He cried. The tears were streaming down his face; he could hear the screams of women and men, as they burned alive. “You must face what you did, you must feel, you need to feel something more than just anger and fear” a voice behind him said. When he turned around, he was shocked by what he saw. It was him, but not him; it was a version of himself he had not seen in a very long time, it was Ben solo. Kylo screamed in anger and ignited his lightsaber charging towards Ben. As Kylo lunged forward to impale Ben with his lightsaber. Ben blocked the killing blow with his own saber, a lightsaber that glowed with a pure white light. Kylo fell to his knees weeping. “You no longer exist, your dead,” Kylo whimpered. Ben crouched in front of him. “That is where you are wrong, I have always been here, and you...you’re not ready” and with those last words Ben was gone. Kylo looked up and around him. The screams in his head had stopped, but even still, he was too afraid to close his eyes. Too afraid of what he might see if he did. Kylo lay on the ground curled in a ball for hours, fighting away the sleep. It was quiet, all he wanted was quiet, but his body was exhausted and so was his mind, and without realizing it Kylo drifted into a dreamless sleep.  
When he awoke in the morning, his body was stiff from the cold. The sun was just peeking over the horizon. He didn’t have any nightmares last night, and there were no voices in his head this morning. Kylo still felt exhausted and he could’ve slept for two more days, but Tarra’s instructions were to meditate no matter what, every morning at sunrise. Kylo got on his knees, took a deep breath, relaxed his body, and emptied his mind, feeling the life around him through the force. “You know, I never understood the whole force thing.” Kylo heard a male voice say beside him. Kylo recognized the voice. His bottom lip quivered, he was afraid to open his eyes to see the face that accompanied that voice. “Your mother tried to explain it to me once... You know it’s pretty damn rude kid to keep your eyes closed when someone is talking to you” the man said. Kylo opened his eyes, and slowly turned his head to face the man. There he was, sitting next to him with his body relaxed and his arm resting on his knee rubbing a smooth pebble between his thumb and his index finger, Han Solo, his father. Despite himself, tears fell from Kylo's eyes; his heart felt like it was being torn from his chest. Han looked at him, his gray eyes met with his son’s brown ones. “You know, you have your mother’s eyes. I use to love staring into her eyes. Even when her eyes were filled with murder because she was pissed, I loved staring into them,” he said. “You’re not real,” Kylo said softly. “Oh, I’m real kid. I’m here with you. Go ahead touch me.” Han held out his arm to Kylo, Kylo hesitated, and then moved shaking, to touch his father’s arm. The arm was solid, but ice cold. Kylo snatched his hand back. “See, real” Han said, smiling his crooked smile at his son. Kylo pulled his knees to his chest and pressed his forehead against them, rocking back and forth he began to whimper. “Hey, relax, I’m not mad at you” Han said, squeezing Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo jumped to his feet like a cat splashed with cold water. “Stay away from me, you’re dead, you’re not real, you’re dead! Kylo’s voice was shaky, unsure, and scared. “You’re right, I am dead, but I’m real.” Han said, standing up from where he sat he began to walk towards Kylo. “And why am I dead?” Kylo backed away from him, his eyes wide with fear. “Because I killed you,” he whispered softly. “Because you killed me,” Han said, poking his finger into Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo flinched, like he had been stabbed. “Hey, it’s ok kid, I forgive you. I forgive you because I love you,” Han said with compassion in his eyes. Kylo closed his eyes, tears flowed freely from them and he dropped to his knees, his head hung low, he sobbed, a heart and gut-wrenching sob. He felt the hand of his Father on his head. “It’s ok, kid, it’s ok.” Han crouched in front of him and pressed the pebble he had in the palm of Kylo’s hand. “This belongs to you,” Han said. “It’s just a pebble,” Kylo whispered. “Not everything is as it seems kid” And then his father’s presence disappeared. “I don’t forgive you,” a voice said a few feet in front of him. Kylo opened his eyes, and there was Ben again, his lightsaber ignited. Kylo looked down at his own hand and saw his lightsaber there, red, and angry. “I wouldn’t expect you to, because you’re me” Kylo responded back. Standing to his feet, Kylo ignited his lightsaber, his red angry, unstable light saber. “The ability to forgive is the way to light, forgiving, is the way of the Jedi, and I am no Jedi,” Kylo said, bracing himself for the attack he knew would happen. Ben screamed a primal scream and charged at Kylo. Their lightsabers met with sparks of red and white. Each move one made the other was able to match. “Do you think she could ever love a monster like you?” Ben snarled at Kylo when their sabers locked. “You are the bringer of death, a scourge on this galaxy, you don’t deserve happiness, you deserve nothing but death,” Ben continued. Kylo managed to unlock their light sabers and push Ben back with the force. Ben skidded back a few feet but managed to stop himself, and then he came charging back towards Kylo. “You’re right,” Kylo said quietly as he dropped his lightsaber to the ground and allowed Ben to run him through. Ben looked at him with shock and surprise, Kylo smiled faintly. “You were right Ben, you have been here all along, watching every kill I made, screaming and slowly dying within me. I’m sorry...I’m sorry” Kylo whispered softly, as he felt the life leave his body. A tear rolled down Ben’s cheek. “I forgive you,” Ben said, and then it all went black. Kylo awoke hours later, gasping for air. Grabbing at the spot the lightsaber went through he discovered nothing was there. The sun was beginning to set and the sky had an orangey red hue. Getting up off the ground Kylo began to head back to his camp. He needed food and he needed rest. The second part of his journey would begin tomorrow, his journey to the Horuset system.

Korriban was a cold, desolate, red planet, Kylo shivered when he exited his ship. He did not shiver because of the cold, he shivered from the suppressive, dark essence, that permeated throughout the planet, and it sent a chill down his spine. The mind-bending ordeal he went through on Ahch-To was still with him, so Kylo wondered what version of hell he was going to experience on this planet. A planet that felt like he had already entered the third circle of hell itself. Tarra’s instructions was for him to go to the Valley of the Dark Lords and find the tomb of the Dark Sith Lord Ajunta Pall. Ajunta Pall was an exiled Jedi that became the very first Dark Lord of the Sith over 4000 years ago. This planet was the home of a once great Sith Empire before they destroyed themselves. Kylo made his way through the ruins, tall statues of Dead Sith Lords stared down at him as he passed, he almost felt like their eyes followed him. As he went deeper into the valley, he began to hear inaudible whispers. Was the madness coming back? Kylo stopped walking, closed his eyes, and listened. The voices became louder, clearer. “Why are you here?” “What do you seek dark prince” The haunting voices chanted. “I am no prince” Kylo replied back. “The boy is lost, lost indeed; he does not know who he is. What he is. Lost, lost.” “You are a descendant of darkness” Kylo opened his eyes; in front of him were three dark formless figures. The figures looked like they were made of dark black smoke, and they had no discernible faces. “How can I be a descendant of darkness, when I have light still living within me?” He asked. “Aaaahhhh, the light. That pesky thing. Embrace all of the darkness within yourself and we will show you how to dim that light foreverrrr.” Kylo shook his head. “I have already tried that, and it did not work. Forcing myself to become completely dark did not make me powerful, it made me weak.” Kylo pushed passed the figures to continue to the Tomb of Ajunta Pall. The dark figures hissed and disappeared. It took him the entire day to make it through the Valley of the Dark Lords. By the time he reached Ajunta Pall’s temple, it was night. Kylo set up camp inside the temple. Sitting in front of the fire he made, he ate the dry rations he brought with him; there would be no fresh fish on this world. 

The next two days were filled with various ghosts of dead siths making him promises of power and greatness if only he would give into his darkness, each time Kylo gave them the same answer that he gave the three dark witches in the valley. Kylo spent several days exploring the temple; he finally came upon the middle chamber that resembled a throne room. When entering the Chamber a large statue of Ajunta Pall sat on a throne that was at least two stories high. Kylo approached the statue and looked up at it. He didn’t know much about the history of this Sith lord but what he gathered from the hieroglyphs on the walls that the man was worshiped as a god among the Sith people. “Don’t you want to be worshiped as a God Kylo?” Kylo heard a voice say to the left of him. He saw a shadow by some pillars, but he couldn’t make out who it was. “I thought I did,” he responded. The figure came out of the shadows; it was wearing a heavy black cloak with the hood pulled low. “Come now, don’t lie, a small part of you still do desire that power, and a great many other things.” The figure began to approach him, Kylo backed away slowly. The voice coming from the figure was distorted, but something about it sounded familiar. “And what might those other things be?” He asked. The figure laughed. “You desire the scavenger girl for one, and me.” The figure said. “You?” Kylo said, confused. The figure pulled its hood back from its head. There in front of him stood Tarra, her hair flowed down her shoulders, and her curls framed her face. “What...why are you here? I thought you said this was something I had to do on my own,” Kylo said, surprised to see her, but a part of him was happy that she was there. Tarra approached him, and ran her fingers through his hair, and down the side of his face, and then she kissed him. Kylo put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She felt hot, almost like she was made of pure heat. “I do desire you,” he whispered hoarsely. She looked up at him and smiled, with the familiar glint of amusement in her eyes. “I know you do, and I know you desire her too...the scavenger girl. You want us both. What if I told you that you can have us both...the both of us in your bed,” she whispered seductively. “I...I…that would never happen,” he said, his head felt foggy, she kept kissing him and touching him, he couldn’t think. She laughed an amused laugh, then she kissed him again, this time more passionately. “Kylo” he heard a voice say behind him. “Look at the gift I have brought to you, my dark prince” Tarra whispered, as she directed her gaze behind him. Kylo turned to see what Tarra was looking at, there, on a sacrificial altar, he saw Rey, she was scantily clothed in a black garment that barely covered her breast, and slits in the garment on both sides of her thighs. Tarra walked over to Rey, removing her robe as she approached her, she too was barely wearing any clothes, she might as well have been naked. “This isn’t real,” Kylo said to himself, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. “Look at us Kylo...look at us,” their voices said in unison. Kylo opened his eyes. Tarra was standing behind Rey kissing her neck, and caressing the girl’s breast with one hand, while fingering her with the other. Then Tarra looked up at Kylo with a smile on her face. “I turned her for you. I turned her dark like us. Isn’t this what you want?” Tarra moved her hand from Rey’s breast up to her neck and tilted her head back to kiss her, Rey moaned with pleasure, and despite himself Kylo felt aroused. Rey looked at him and stretched her hand out to him. “Come to us Kylo, give in ….”she said. Kylo found himself moving towards the two women. When he reached them Kylo began to kiss Rey, Tarra removed her fingers from in between the girl’s thighs and place his there instead. “Give into the darkness Kylo...give into your desires, your wants, your hate.” Tarra whispered. Tarra was standing behind him now, whispering in his ear, while massaging his manhood. “Give into the darkness, and all that you desire, all of it...her, me...it can all be yours” Tarra whispered sweetly. Kylo looked down at Rey, her face no longer had the innocence he was used to seeing, her eyes were cold. She smiled at him and pulled him close, raping her legs around his waist, she kissed him lustfully. Kylo untangled himself and pulled away from the both of them. “I could?” He said looking at them, still trying to clear the fog from his head. “Yes” they said in unison. Tarra pulled the fabric down Rey’s shoulders, exposing the girl’s breast; Rey removed the rest of the garment and threw it on the ground of the temple. Tarra removed her garment also and climbed onto the altar with Rey. They began to kiss, and touch each other all over, throwing glances at Kylo. Kylo took a step forward, hesitating, he stopped. Closing his eyes, he steadied himself. This wasn’t real; the women in front of him weren’t real. “You’re not real, Tarra, and Rey are not here, you’re another aberration, another specter making false promises.” He said, and then he opened his eyes. Tarra and Rey were gone and in their place were two of the formless witches from the valley. They screamed an angry high-pitched scream that caused Kylo to cover his ears, and drop to his knees in pain; his head felt like it was going to split open, then they were gone. Kylo uncovered his ears and looked around him. Closing his eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief. They almost had him, somehow they found his deepest desire, one he kept buried even from himself. He never wanted to admit it, but that was what he wanted. He wanted them both; he wanted the darkness and excitement of Tarra, and the sweet, kind goodness of Rey. “You are a pathetic little worm; of course you would turn down such a sweet offer. You’re weak.” A male voice said from behind the seated statue of Ajunta Pall. Kylo got up from his knees to face the shadowy figure, taking his lightsaber from off his belt and igniting it. “Why am I weak? Am I weak because I now realize the truth, the promise made by the dark are always twisted truths. Not fully a lie, but not exactly the truth either.” Kylo retorted back. The dark figure laughed. “You speak of the fact that you were promised that life would be put back into the body of your dead girlfriend. But instead of Desai, you got Tarra instead. Now you love Tarra, she is the reflection of the darkness in you. Just like Rey is the reflection of your light. I would say that Tarra is your stronger half, and that is the half you should embrace.” Kylo scuffed at the dark figure's words. “Yeah, well I don’t put much stock in the words of a Sith.” Kylo responded. “Sith? Who said I am a Sith?” The shadowy figure said, as it stepped out into the open for Kylo to see who he faced. “You do not deserve to still use the cognomen of Kylo Ren, because you are not Kylo Ren. I AM KYLO REN!” The man yelled, the man with his face. Kylo took a step back. In front of him was the self he had wanted to be. This was the dark prince; this Dark Kylo was strong, powerful, and sure of himself. There was no self-doubt in those hard brown eyes staring at him. “Only one of us will leave this world, and I plan for it to be me. I will make Tarra strong again. You made her weak with your emotional shit. And I will take great pleasure in fucking, and slowly turning, your precious Rey.” Dark Kylo said with a confident smirk on his face. Kylo’s mouth turned up in a snarl, and he growled in anger. “You won’t touch them, either of them!” Dark Kylo scoffed at him, and took out his lightsaber igniting it. Kylo charged his darker self, he could not allow this part of himself to win; he just couldn’t.


	10. Hidden City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, Luke Finn, and Tarra find themselves taking refuge in a secret city of force sensitive people, as they hide from the First order.

Chapter 10: Hidden City  
The rain beat down on them as they ran through the jungle of the planet, large foliage, vines, and branches whipping their faces and bodies as they pushed through them. Tarra eventually leads them to a clearing that lead straight off a cliff. “You’ve led us to a dead end!” Finn yelled anger evident on his face. Tarra ignored him; she lifted her head up to the rain and spread out her arms, taking a deep breath she yelled out. “Lango Walinzi!” The air rippled all around them, it was almost like they were in the water. Suddenly three figures called the Gatekeepers appeared before them, seeming to materialize from thin air. They were tall, with dark skin that almost looked like black marble; they had glowing blue markings etched in their arms, metal bands on their wrist, forearm and biceps. They carried a weapon that looked like a spear, but it had a large blade where a spearhead would be. The staff and the blade of the weapon had the same glowing blue markings. The gatekeepers were also cybernetic enhanced humanoids with mechanical legs; they wore metal masks that at a push of a button on the side of their head revealed their actual face. “Makazi sisi kutafuta” Tarra said to the leader. “We can speak your language, so that your companions can understand” The leader said, looking them all over. In the distance the sounds of their pursuers could be heard, all three Gatekeepers looked in the direction of the yells in the distance. “You bring trouble with you Tarra Ren,” the leader said. “That is why I am requesting shelter Mlinzi,” she said. The leader looked at her with his purple eyes, unmoving. “You owe me,” Tarra hissed. The leader blinked, furrowed his brow then nodded, turning he gestured for one of the other gatekeepers to come forward. This gatekeeper looked younger, and was leaner than the leader. “Kuwapa” the leader said, waving his hand towards Tarra, Rey, Luke, Finn and the others. The younger Gatekeeper nodded and went into his satchel, pulling out eight metal bands, and eight protective eyewear. “Hold out your wrist” the young man said to Tarra. She complied, once hers was on the young Gatekeeper went around to everyone, placing and activating the bands; then he passed out the eyewear. When the eyewear was on, and activated, the illusion was lifted from their eyes. Rey and the others could see the shimmering bright entrance to what would be their safe haven until help arrived. “Follow” the leader said gruffly, reactivating his headpiece over his head and face.

Luke barely heard the rain beating down relentlessly outside of the station they were brought to, nor was he paying any attention to the conversation that was happening around him. His mind was on the man back at the research facility. The one with the jet-black hair and blue eyes, he knew him; even worse than knowing who he was, the man was another one of his failures. Luke looked over at Rey, his heart felt heavy. The man was Rey’s father. How could Luke explain to his apprentice that because of his failings, her father was a servant of the dark side? Luke had failed to find him, to save him, just like he failed his nephew, just like he failed everyone. “You seem lost in thought Master Luke. Are you worried that our help may not arrive, or that they will be walking into an ambush? Luke heard Finn whisper to him. Luke turned his head to look at his young apprentice. “Yes well we did lose our element of surprise” he responded, patting Finn on the shoulder. “It’s a good thing Tarra knew about these people, and this place,” Luke said looking in Tarra’s direction. Tarra was in a heated discussion with the leader of the Gatekeepers, Mlinzi, he wasn’t close enough to hear what they were saying; and even if he could, he was unfamiliar with the language. “Do you trust her Master?” Finn asked, talking about Tarra. Luke stroked his beard before responding. “She hasn’t displayed any malice towards us thus far, and she too is at odds with the First Order. So, an enemy of my enemy….” Luke trailed off. Finn understood and nodded in acknowledgement. The building they were in seemed to be the command center for the Gatekeepers, a place for them to monitor and maintain the security of their portal. From what Luke could gather the station was run by at least twenty Gatekeepers, and they were all force sensitive. Luke walked over to the wall of floor to ceiling windows that gave a magnificent view of the city they were now in. Finn followed, and stood next to him, taking in the view. “Are we still even on the same planet?” Finn asked. “Yes you are” Tarra said coming up behind them. “How is it possible for these people to stay here and coexist with the First Order? Finn asked. “They usually exterminate, or enslave life on planets they take over” Finn continued. “Yes, usually. This place is called Miji Siri...Hidden City,” Tarra said, looking at the view laid out before them. The buildings were a mixture of modern building materials that entwined and infused beautifully with the nature around it. “This place is protected by a cloaking mechanism in the center of the city, along with a force signature blocker; considering how many force sensitives there are in this one place.” “How did you come to know them, and they you?” Luke asked her. Tarra turned to Luke and smiled. “I saved a young girl from being captured and dragged away from this planet, from all she knew; possibly either killed or turned. She just so happen to be the daughter of the Malkia.” Luke examined her face, she was telling the truth, he also knew that she did not save that girl out of the goodness of her heart. “You saved that girl for some sort of advantage,” Luke said. Tarra smiled again. “It is always good to have a number of people owing you something. You never know when you may need to call in a favor” she responded. Just then, a tall young woman approached them. “I am Mhudumu Leta. Kiongozi Mlinzi has asked me to lead you and your group to housing for the night.” She said, slightly bowing her head. Tarra nodded her head in acknowledgement, as Finn went over to where Rey and the others were standing to let them know they were changing locations. “Is there any way we can get a signal out of the city to send a message?” Luke asked the girl. The girl looked at him, and bowed her head again, this time in apology. “Sorry, not within the city, but in the morning we can lead you a number of miles away from the city. You can send your message then.” She said. “Are you talking about sending a message to the resistance?” Rey asked, catching the tail end of the conversation. “I just want to let Leia...General Organa know we are safe, and where to possibly meet us for pick up.” Luke responded. “Please follow me,” Mhudumu Leta said, turning to lead them out of the security station. Luke couldn’t help but think that these people, with their technology, and wealth of force sensitives would make great allies to the resistance. But, would it be fair to ask a group of people that seem to have managed to go this long untouched to risk everything for a republic they are not even a part of? The question continued to plague Luke the rest of the evening as he lay in the comfort of a soft bed with the sound of the rain beating on his window. There was another issue that gnawed at him. Should he tell Rey about her father? Could the knowledge damage her in anyway? Luke didn’t know the answer, and he was afraid to find out.

Rey was bone tired. The sight of a bed was the best thing she ever saw in her life. Leta called in servants to draw her a bath, and Rey soaked in that bath until she was pruned. The people here were very accommodating. The room had robes and sleeping attire. The servants had gathered her soaked and filthy clothing with a promise of bringing them back in the morning. Rey tucked her lightsaber under her two pillows, and lay down to finally go to sleep. Sleep came easy enough because of how exhausted she was. Her whole body ached, and she was covered in bruises. As she drifted to sleep, her mind went to Master Luke and the way she saw him look at the man leading the knights of Ren. Master Luke looked at him as though he knew him. Oddly enough, Rey could not shake the feeling that she knew him too.

“Kira, Kira, where are you Kira Rey?” a male voice called out for her. Rey giggled, her giggles sounded childlike in her ears. She was lying on her stomach under a bed watching the feet of a man walk by several times. “Now where could my little Kira Rey have gone...where, where?” Rey loved the sound of his voice, it brought her comfort, and made her feel warm inside. The man’s feet stopped in front of the bed, and suddenly he dropped down on one knee, lifting the sheets to reveal her smiling face; he found her! Rey screamed with delight as he reached out and grabbed her little hands, pulling her from underneath the bed, and lifting her up in his arms. Rey looked into his beautiful blue eyes and saw nothing but love in them. The man began giving her sherbets on her neck, and Rey squealed with delight. Rey felt so small, she felt no older than three. The man stops giving her sherbets and began to hug her, Rey nestled her small head into his massive chest. “I love you my little Rey of light,” he said softly. “I lub you too daddy” Rey responded back. Rey felt happy, she felt safe. 

 

“Your father is Vaughn?” Rey was suddenly pulled from the body of the three year old her, and from the warmth of her father’s arms. She found herself back in her adult body staring at the dark haired man lovingly hugging his daughter. The voice was right; it was the man from the other night. But this man in her dreams was younger, with no gray hair, and his face was warm and loving. Rey spun around angrily to face the voice that pulled her out of her happy place. To her surprise, it was Kylo. All the wind was knocked out of her sails, and her eyes bulged as she stared at him in shock. It had been months since she last saw him, and her heart began to race. The environment of her dream quickly shifted to them standing on a cliff in Ahch-To. Kylo tossed glances around their new surroundings and chuckled. “Interesting experience here,” he said. “What are you talking about?” Rey asked, confused. Kylo raked his hands through his hair. “Nothing,” he responded. Rey felt the anger creep back over her, like a slow simmer. “You...you dismiss me like a petulant child from your dreams, and then you utterly vanish for months. Now you’re invading my dreams once again, uninvited.” Rey felt her body trembling with anger as she spoke each word. “Sorry” Kylo said with a slight smirk on his face. “SORRY!” Rey yelled back, her anger at full boil now. Kylo raised an eyebrow and gestured towards her hand. “You’re going to fight me now?” He asked. Rey blinked and looked down at her hand, she was holding her lightsaber and it was fully ignited. “I should kill you where you stand,” she hissed. Kylo looked at her sideways. “Kill me….well that is not the Jedi way….Kira,” he said walking slowly towards her. “That is not my name,” Rey said. Kylo looked at her sideways again, his eyes looking at her questioningly. “Why are you looking at me in that way?” Rey said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “How much of your childhood do you remember Rey?” He asked, still moving closer to her. Rey shook her head, and then shrugged. “I have dreams. Sometimes they feel like memories, most of the time I figure they are just dreams. I don’t know? My memories are fractured. I mostly just remember Jakku, being left on Jakku?” Her chest and head hurt. Whenever she tried to think past Jakku, she always seemed to suffer a panic attack, like her mind would not allow her to go past that point in her memory. “It’s ok, you don’t have to think about it” Kylo said, he was kneeling in front of her, his hand on her shoulder. Rey did not realize she had dropped to her knees. She looked up at him, his eyes were filled with concern, he moved his hand from her shoulder, and used his thumb to wipe away her tears. Rey didn’t even realize she was crying. She touched her hand to the cheek he wiped her tears from, looking away embarrassed. “You’re different,” she said softly. “I feel different,” he said back helping her to her feet. “Where are you Rey?” He asked, changing the subject. “In the uncharted region. Why?” She answered. “I felt like….Are you safe?” The concern was still in his eyes. “For now. Tarra found us someplace to hide, among people we never knew existed. They are force sensitive people.” Rey said. Kylo Folded his arms, his brow furrowed, he looked down at the ground biting his lower lip. “Why are you in the uncharted territories with Tarra?” He asked after a few moments. “There is a weapon that was built on this planet by the First Order that will be devastating to the resistance. We have the plans, but our escape was thwarted by the Knights of Ren….” Rey hesitated for a second, slightly turning her head in the direction her three-year-old self had been moments before. Where she was being held lovingly by the dark haired man with the deep blue eyes. “...and the man you called Vaughn” she finished. Kylo nodded his head. “Sleep. I’ll see you soon” and with those last words he shimmered, distorted and vanished. The rest of the night Rey tossed and turned. Her dreams were not peaceful. Her dreams were filled with screams and fire, storm troopers shooting her grandmother. The voice of her mother yelling in the distance.   
A young Tarra stands over the dead body of her grandmother, looking down at her. Tarra has her signature-amused smile on her face, her head tilted to the side as she examines Rey. Rey feels small and scared. Tarra nudges the dead body of Rey’s grandmother to the side with her foot, and kneels in front of her. “Well, aren’t you special” Tarra says with a smile, a smile that never touches her cold green eyes. Everything suddenly goes dark.

Rey’s eyes popped open, sitting up in her bed, her heart raced, and she was covered in sweat. Was that a memory or a dream? It felt real, it all felt real, just like her dream of her father, of Vaughn. Getting out of bed Rey pours herself a glass of water from the pitcher left on a table by the window of her room. Closing her eyes Rey steadies her heartbeat, and tries to clear her head. When she finally opens them, she notices that the room was beginning to slowly be cast in a soft orange glow. Rey looked out the window and realizes that the sun was peeking over the horizon. It was the beginning of a new day, and she had questions that needed answers.


	11. Macabre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sees first hand the true horrors of war.

Chapter 11: Macabre

The city was even more beautiful during the day. There was foliage and trees everywhere and the architecture worked with the nature surrounding it and not against it. Rey couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the city from her room window. Her dry, clean clothes were delivered, as promised, first thing in the morning. Mhudumu Leta gathered her group and brought them to a promenade near a beautiful waterfall for breakfast. “The morning is usually the coolest part of the day, and the best time to be out. By late afternoon, evening, it is scorching hot, and well, by night, the rains begin.” Leta explained to them as their breakfast was being shared out among them. “Thank you, Mhudumu Leta; you have been most hospitable to us. So I don’t want to be an ungracious guest when I ask.... When will I be able to send a message outside the city?” Luke asked, as humbly as he could. “I have arranged an escort to take you outside of the city as soon as you are finished with your kifungua kinwa” Leta responded. “Thank you” Luke replied, bowing his head slightly. Leta bowed, and left the group to their meal. Once she was out of earshot Finn nudged Rey. “We seem to be missing one person from our merry band of misfits” he commented, pointing out the fact that Tarra Ren was not with the group for breakfast. “I noticed. I wonder what she is up to” Rey replied. One of the resistance fighters overheard their conversation and chimed in. “That woman, that Ren… I trust her as far as I can throw her,” he said, spitting on the ground. Luke put his fork down and cleared his throat, everyone stopped talking and looked at him “I understand everyone’s mistrust, but she is now a resource, and she has done nothing so far to indicate that she means us harm.” Luke said. “Yeah, except get us trapped here, as lovely as this place is, we are still trapped” Leal commented. The other resistance fighters nodded their heads in agreement. “Lest we forget, her hands are soaked in blood; asset or no asset, she’s a murderer,” Leal continued. “Are you saying as a soldier you’ve killed no one?” Luke asked Leal. “I’m not saying that… but it is different with her,” Leal answered. Luke raised an eyebrow. “Is killing not murder? Luke asked, “She is a soldier, just like you, following orders, just like you...What is the difference?” Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Finn spoke. “There is a difference. The First Order kills with no conscience. The Knights of Ren kill, with no conscience.” Luke looked at his apprentice for a moment before speaking. “Who is to say that she never had a conscience? Maybe she has had one all along and is just now choosing to follow it; after all Finn, where you not once a soldier for the First Order.” Everyone looked at Finn, a few of the resistance fighters had a look of shock on their faces; surprised to find out that one of their own had once been an enemy. Finn looked down at his plate in silence; Rey placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Maybe we should just give her a chance… maybe she does have her own agenda, but for right now she is an ally. And Finn here is proof that you’re not stuck being one thing, that people change, or they wake up. One specific event can happen in their life that just changes everything. You know…?” Rey said to the group. Everyone looked at her for a moment, then turned their attention back to their food. Master Luke and Finn were the only ones looking at her with acknowledgement of what she had just said. The rest of the meal was eaten in Silence.

Tarra had awakened that morning not feeling like herself. So much so, that she went to the cities infirmary. They did blood work, pumped her with fluids and then released her. Once she left the infirmary, she went to see the Malkia. Luke had come to her quarters just before sunrise; he wanted her to talk to Queen about helping the resistance. Tarra was planning to see the queen anyway, to ask for assistance to get them off of the planet, not join a war. The old man made veiled threats, so she complied. 

 

“I know your secret,” he said. “How?” She had asked her heart in her throat. Luke looked at her a few, observing her before he answered, “I sensed it in the conference room the day you arrived at D’Qar” Tarra closed her eyes. “What will you do with the information?” She asked. Luke was silent for a moment. “Do me this one favor and it is your secret to do with it as you wish?” he answered. “Fine” she said. Luke paused, and looked at her for a moment. “You’re not as dark as you try to portray yourself to be are you?” He asked. Tarra smiled a smile that didn’t touch her eyes. “No, but I’m dark enough. Unless you’re asking if I ever dabble a little in the light? I did… once. In another lifetime, in another body, long turned to dust.” She answered. “Now old man, what do you want?

By the time Tarra had rejoined the group, the sun was setting. Everyone was gathered at one of the cities glassed in Promenades. The enclosures were where the people of the city could go to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors without dying from a heat stroke. Everyone looked at her suspiciously, which Tarra was used to, and didn’t really care. “Where have you been all day?” Rey asked her. “Securing us escorts off this planet, and possibly allies for your resistance.” Tarra responded. “Oh” Rey responded back awkwardly, with nothing else to say. “Where’s your Master? Tarra asked. “He went to contact General Organa this morning” Rey replied. “This morning... Now it’s the evening and he’s not back?” Tarra asked. Tarra saw panic enter Rey’s eyes. “You don’t think something happened to him?” Rey asked with trepidation. “Let’s go to the Gatekeepers and get some answers” Tarra said, as she began to make her way to the Gatekeepers observation building, Rey, Finn and the others followed close behind her.  
The observation station was buzzing with activity. Rey got the sense that something was going on, and that something, involved her Master. Tarra went off to find Kiongozi Mlinzi, as Rey, Finn, and the resistance fighters sat and waited for news. Tarra returned maybe a half hour later with five Gatekeepers, Kiongozi Mlinzi was not with them. “Come on, Your Master, and the party he went with, are in trouble. The Knights of Ren found Luke and his escorts at one of the outer gate villages. They’re trapped there.” Tarra said. “There are people that live outside the protection of this city?” Finn asked surprised. “Yes, people with no ability to touch the source. They help in keeping the secret of the Miji Siri” one of the Gatekeepers named Kiongozi Okoro answered. “So they are left out there to get slaughtered by the First Order then” Leal responded. “There was no slaughter, until you people arrived.” The Gatekeeper responded back angrily. “Ok, look! We can stand here and have a pissing contest, or we can go. Can we go?” Tarra said loudly. “Yes please, can we?” Rey pleaded. The Gatekeeper’s lip curled up slightly in anger, but he nodded, and lead them to the portal that would transport them to the village that was currently under attack. When they exited the portal, they were greeted by rain, pounding down on them. Rey smelled the smoke, and in the distance, even though she could not see fire. “Come on, we have no time to lose!” Okoro said urgently, leading the way towards the burning village. 

Chaos greeted them upon entering the village; women, men and children were running everywhere, screaming. There was buildings burning and there were a few dead bodies that littered the ground. Luckily, the rain was starting to really come down hard, helping to put the flames, and prevent the spread of the fire. Everyone readied their weapons and began making their way through the streets to the center of the village. Rey’s heart began to race as she looked around her at the carnage that was put upon this place, and it’s people. When they reached the center of the village Rey felt like she was going to be sick. There were dead bodies lined up in front of a fountain, as though they were gathered there, and shot, execution style. Rey looked over at the Gatekeepers; anger was evident on their faces. One of the younger men had tears in his eyes. In the distance, they could hear blaster fire, and the sounds of fighting. “Come on” Okoro said, leading the way towards the sound of the fighting. Tears fell from Rey’s eyes as they stepped over a body of a little girl.

“Give it up Luke Skywalker. Have you not figured it out yet? We will scorch this entire planet to get to you,” one of the Knights said, pointing his red lightsaber at Luke. Luke stood in the middle of three Gatekeepers and four Walinzi wa Amani- Peace Keepers. They were in turn surrounded by thirty storm troopers and six Knights of Ren. They had completely decimated the village to get to him. They killed men, women and children, noncombatants, innocent people. Finn was right, they had no conscience. “If I give up, do you promise not to kill any more innocent people?” Luke asked. The Knight that spoke to him looked back at the other Knights of Ren, and then turned to face Luke and his group again. “What do you take us for?” He said, and then he began to laugh, the other Knights joined in his amusement. “Then, I’m afraid, I will not be surrendering. I will fight until my last breath.” Luke replied, holding his lightsaber in front of him, his companions also readying themselves for the onslaught. Then, out of nowhere there was, electric blasts coming from the jungle hitting storm troopers. “Rey, Finn” Luke said to himself. The first to emerge from the trees were the five Gatekeepers, Their markings were glowing on their bodies, as well as on their staff blades. Okoro, leading the charge, leaps into the air and slices one of the Stormtroopers in half, from head to sternum. Rey, Finn and the others on their team emerge from the jungle’s depths to join the fight. Rey, Tarra, and Finn manage to block a few blasts aimed their way, killing a couple of Stormtroopers with the deflected blasts. Luke and his companions join in the melee of blasters, lightsabers, and electrical staff blades. 

Rey felt so much anger. All of those innocent people slaughtered. Her mind kept going back to the little girl they stepped over, her small body lying lifeless on the ground. The anger swelled inside her until she had to release it. Screaming in anger, frustration, and pain Rey charged one of the Knights of Ren. Using every offensive move, she knew she attacked, putting the knight on the defensive. Finally, she was able to disarm him. Her anger consumed her, disarming him was not enough, raising him in the air with the force Rey flung him across the field, knocking over a handful of storm troopers. Then she yanked him back towards her, running him through with her lightsaber. Rey sensed that she was going to be attacked from behind. Jumping up in the air, and using the force to propel her, she managed to avoid being run through; coming back down Rey’s blue lightsaber crashed into the Knight’s red one. She managed to get the Knight down on one knee, her lightsaber pressing into his; pressing both weapons closer to her opponent's face. “Careful girl, so much rage is the path to darkness, unless… that is what you want,” the knight grunted out. Rey blinked, her hesitation was all the knight needed to push her away from him with the use of the force. Rey went tumbling backwards, tripping over a body, and falling flat on her back, losing her lightsaber as she fell. Before Rey could react the Knight was looming over her, lightsaber raised, about to strike her. Suddenly a dark blade surrounded by an outline of white light came through the Knight’s chest, the blade disappeared, and the knight fell, lifeless to the ground. Rey knew who it was. She didn’t have to look up to know who it was standing over the body of the dead knight. Rey could hear her heart pounding in her chest; she slowly raised her eyes to look up at him, at Kylo. Kylo extended his hand for her to take. Rey looked at it for a moment, then placed her hand in his, allowing him to help her up. “You ok?” He asked concerned. She nodded her head yes, and then she looked around her. All of the Knights and storm troopers were dead, some of them she knew that her and her companions had killed, but then there were the rest of the bodies on the ground she knew they hadn’t killed. These bodies were a crushed, bloody, mangled, unrecognizable mess. Rey slowly looked back at Kylo, just like in her dream he felt different. He was no longer an angry, confused, jumbled mess of emotions. Kylo stood there calm, steady, in a word confident. “You did this?” She whispered. Rey already knew the answer. In her blind fury she did not feel his arrival or see him, she didn’t see what he had done, but she was seeing it now, and it frightened her; looking at the faces of Finn and Master Luke, it frightened them too. The only people that did not seem shaken up about it was Tarra and the few of the Gatekeepers, and Peace Keepers that were left. Tarra looked awe struck, almost ecstatic. “You’re afraid” Kylo said, looking at her closely. “I can feel… I can feel the dark force that was used to do this” Rey said, her voice shaking. Kylo sighed, and then reached out to touch her, Rey instinctively flinched away. He hesitated, then reached for her hand and pulled her a little closer to him. “I would never hurt you. Do you believe me?” He asked, looking at her intensely. Rey felt him remove the block he had put between them months ago to prevent her from feeling every one of his emotions. She felt everything he felt about her all at once. She believed him, he wouldn’t hurt her. But what about everyone else? She looked up at him; despite herself, tears fell from her eyes. The whole evening had been a lot for her to handle; her losing herself in her anger, so much death and destruction. “I believe you,” she said softly. Kylo backed away from her and turned to his Uncle. “Your rescue party should be arriving here in a few minutes. I sense Leia entering this system” He said looking at Luke like he was not family, but just some man he just met. “Ben…” Luke began, but Kylo cut him off. “That’s not my name” Kylo said dismissively with a wave of his hand, and then he turned to Tarra. Tarra had a huge smile on her face. “You survived” She said. “You stayed alive” Kylo responded back. Tarra ran to him and leapt into his arms. Kylo wrapped his arms around her and swung her around, before placing her back on her feet. Tarra reached up and touched his face; Kylo took her hand from his face and held it in his. “We’ll talk later,” he said softly to her. Rey didn’t know how she felt about the amount of affection Kylo was showing Tarra, it bothered her, it shouldn’t, but it did. “We must start heading back to the research facility, which is where Leia and her rescue party will be landing” Kylo said addressing the rain drenched group. Luke nodded in acknowledgement; turning to the Gatekeepers Luke asked “Can you lead us back to the facility?” Okoro nodded his head. “There is a portal that opens directly on the docking decks” Okoro responded, before turning to lead the way back to the decimated village. Rey felt very cold inside, she shivered, Kylo looked over at her, his brow furrowed. Tarra was still by his side, but when she saw how he was looking at Rey, she excused herself, and went to catch up with the Gatekeepers. “You ok?” He asked. Rey shook her head. Kylo put his arm around her, pulling her close to him as they followed the group back to the village. Rey felt too tired to fight the physical closeness Kylo was offering, in a way she was grateful for it. “You feel different” She said to him. “You said that before.” Kylo replied. Rey stopped walking and looked up at him. “You no longer feel conflicted. Are you fully dark now?” She asked, afraid of the answer. “No” he said. “Well, you’re definitely not light! Rey retorted back. “I’m not, but I can utilize the light side of the force if I need to” he replied. “If you’re not Dark, and you’re not light, then what are you?” She asked puzzled. “I am an anomaly” he responded. Rey still felt confused. “Come on; let’s catch up with the others he said, pulling her even closer to him. They walked the rest of the way back to the village in silence.


	12. Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have developed a more intimate relationship.

Chapter 12: Legacy  
Rey felt Finn’s eyes on her; even with her eyes closed, she knew he was staring at her. “What?” She said wearily, opening her eyes to look at him. He was sitting across from her on the transport vessel that was taking them to Sanctuary for a supply run. “Nothing,” he said, looking away. Rey closed her eyes again, trying to get some sleep before they arrived at their destination. Then she felt it again, Finn staring at her. “What!” She said, sitting fully up in her seat, looking at Finn. “Nothing,” he said again. Rey groaned in frustration. “Don’t say nothing, when there is clearly something,” she replied annoyed. Finn looked at her sideways, and a little hesitant. Rey stared back at him, eyebrows raised, waiting for a response. Finn sighed. “Ok, look… are you and Kylo… uh… Are you…? Finn sputtered. “I mean these past few months since his return, I noticed that you have been spending a lot of time with him, and I just find it strange… Ok I find it to be damn bizarre.” Finn continued. “I mean I see you in the morning and I’m like…. Hey, Rey you want to go and spar. And you’re like no already did that with Kylo… Like what!” Finn finished, his facial expression displaying how very perplexed he was. Rey stared at him for a moment. “Are you done?” She asked. Finn looked like he was going to say something else, he thought better of it and closed his mouth, folding his arms across his chest. “Ok, well I have been spending time with him because no one else will. Everyone looks at him like a pariah...” Finn cut her off “That’s because he is a pariah. No, not a pariah, he is like a huge giant Tatooine Armordragon… no worse than that…” Rey put her hand over his mouth. “Stop,” she said. “There is more to him than his past deeds. We gave Tarra a chance, so much so that she is off trying to find the location of Snoke, and we are trusting she will come back with that intel.” Rey said, removing her hand from Finn’s mouth. “So you are doing it to be nice?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. “Yes” Rey said back. “Really?” Finn looked at her quizzically “Because it feels like something more is going on. I am picking up some weird vibes between you two,” he said. Rey shrugged her shoulders “What weird vibes? There are no vibes” she said. “Oh, there are vibes” Finn responded. Rey rolled her eyes. “Finn” she sighed out. “Don’t Finn me” he said, folding his arms across his chest. Rey and Finn stared at each other, and then Rey sighed again. “I’m going to try and get some sleep. I advise you do the same,” she said, closing her eyes. Rey was trying to make light of her friend’s unsaid accusation, but he was right, there was more going on. Being near Kylo in real time instead of the dream world was different. The first week she tried ignoring the fact that he was being held at the Base brig; She fought the temptation to go visit him. Then General Organa won to allow him sleeping quarters, after he showed his usefulness on some intel and a couple of missions; just like Tarra did, he went from prisoner to an asset. The first time she had to actually face Kylo outside of debriefings was at the training facility on base. He was going through different fighting styles when she walked in on him and he offered to spar with her. She has been sparring with him in the morning ever since. Their interaction with each other these past few months have been one of friends, she even had dinner with him once. Rey found Kylo to be very intelligent. He was well read, and had a vast knowledge of history, and literature, he fascinated her. Rey felt she was getting to know who he was before the First Order...as well as who he is now. He also did not try to get physical with her, as far as trying to kiss her, or touch her in a sexual way. Honestly, his chase behavior was starting to make her slightly frustrated. All of this was new to her; she had never been physically attracted to anyone before. Unfortunately, for her, the first person she has a thing for is someone everyone hates. Rey was looking forward to returning to D-Qar once they were finished with their run to Sanctuary. Kylo had invited her to his quarters for dinner upon her return, and despite Finn’s apparent disapproval, she was looking forward to it.

Kylo sat, slightly slouched in his seat, staring at the sand pour slowly down in the hourglass that sat on Leia’s desk. She had finally summoned him to her private office to talk to him, one on one. Kylo didn’t know how to feel about it, she was his mother. Sure, he called her General like everyone else, and he kept his face as rigid and as cool as he could when seeing her in debriefings; but she was his mother. When he arrived at her quarters, her assistant showed him to her office and informed him that General Leia’s meeting was running late but she would be there in a few minutes if he didn’t mind waiting. So here he sat, waiting for his mother. “Just like old times,” he said to himself. Kylo remembers many nights, waiting for his mother to come home and read him that bedtime story she promised, many birthdays waiting for both his parents. Ben Solo spent a lot of his life just waiting, but not Kylo; as he got up to leave, his mother walked through the door. They stood there staring at each other, neither knowing what to say. Finally, Leia broke the silence. “I am sorry for keeping you waiting,” she said as she walked over to her desk. “Yeah, well, that’s what you do so….” Kylo said, slowly sitting back down. Leia furrowed her eyebrows at him as she sat across from him at her desk. “What is that supposed to mean?” She asked defensively. “What do you want General?” Kylo asked, ignoring her question. “General... General… I am your mother, Ben Solo.” She said, tears starting to fill her eyes. She got up from her seat and walked across the room, her back to him. “That is not my name” He retorted back, looking down at his hands, and not at her. Leia whipped around angrily. “That is your name...that is your name… That is the name your father and I gave you after I spent sixteen hours in labor with you, and finally...finally held you in my arms; that is the name we gave you!” She yelled at him, her whole body trembling. Kylo stood up from his chair and slammed his fists into her desk. “And then spent sixteen years after ignoring that child.” He looked at her, anger flashing in his eyes. “This…” Kylo waved his hand around him “This rebellion, resistance… Whatever the fuck you want to call it, is your bloody baby” He said it with so much venom, that Leia recoiled. “That is unfair” she whispered. “That is the truth.” He retorted back. “You cared more about this cause’ than you ever did me!” Kylo said jamming his finger into his chest. “I get it, being a mother wasn’t exciting… it didn’t do it for you, but don’t stand here acting hurt over the fact that I don’t want to be called by that fucking name!” He yelled at her. The tears fell freely from Leia’s eyes. Kylo closed his eyes so not to see her tears, and then looked down at the floor. “This is obviously going to be an unproductive conversation. I think I’ll just leave,” he said, turning to exit his mother’s office. “Do you… do you hate me that much” Leia sputtered out between sobs. Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, and then turned to his mother. “I did. I hated the both of you; you and Han...but now I feel nothing, I am totally indifferent when it comes to you.” He said turning to leave, and then he stopped and turned back around. “Listen, I’ll play my part, I’ll be your asset. At this point in my life I’m used to being used.” He said indignantly, and then he turned to leave. Leia lowered her head, tears still running down her face. “Despite what you think Ben… I still, and will always love you.” He heard her say behind him. Kylo closed his eyes for a second, her words struck a nerve, but he did not turn around, he kept walking. 

After his encounter with his mother, Kylo wasn’t sure that he wanted to still have dinner with Rey. He had spent most of the afternoon in his room, his emotions fluctuating between anger, and sadness. So when he heard the ding at his sleeping quarters’ door, he planned to cancel, and schedule for another day; but when he opened his door and saw her bright eyes and smiling face, he couldn’t. He just smiled at her, and let her in. “You ok?” She asked. They had eaten most of their dinner in silence. Kylo ran his hands through his hair. “Yeah, I’m glad you’re here” he said softly. He really was happy she was there, and he was glad he didn’t send her away. “Really?” She asked. “Because normally you are chatting away about some historical event, or a political theory. Tonight you’re really quiet.” She said looking at him questioningly. Kylo just looked down at his plate, pushing the food around. Rey looked at him, expecting a response. When she got none she put her fork down and began to get up to leave. Kylo grabbed her hand, he didn’t want her to leave, he really wanted her to stay, he just didn’t feel like talking. Rey looked down at her hand he held, then she looked at Kylo, he wasn’t looking at her, but he didn’t let go of her hand either. “What’s wrong?” she asked concerned. Kylo shook his head, then he got up from his small table, and pulled her closer to him. He leaned in and kissed her, he heard her breath catch. He kept kissing her, until he felt her move her body closer to his and she parted her lips to let his tongue in. He wanted her, he wanted her desperately, weeks of forced restraint were gone, there was no restraining himself now. Lifting her up to carry her a few steps to his small bed, she wrapped her legs around his waist and placed both her hands on his face. She looked at him, she looked into his eyes; then she kissed his forehead, his cheeks, before she kissed his mouth again, slowly and passionately. “I want you Rey” he groaned out. “You have me,” she whispered. Kylo carried her to his bed and laid her down. He ran his hand up the side of her hip, and across her flat stomach, lifting her shirt to expose the flesh of her belly so that he could kiss it. Rey moaned and her back arched as he ran his tongue across her stomach and up to her breast. “Take your shirt off,” he demanded. Rey complied, also removing her under garment to fully expose her breast for him. Kylo circled his tongue around one of her nipples before taking her breast into his mouth. She was breathing heavy, and fast. He ran his hand down her stomach to her trousers and unbutton them, finding his fingers between her thighs, to her, soft, warm pink spot. Rey’s back arched and she moaned with pleasure as he fingered her. “You want this?” He whispered in her ear. “Hmm” was her response. Kylo smiled to himself, her eyes was closed and her mouth was slightly parted. Moving back down to her stomach, he kissed it, then he used both his hands to pull her trousers completely off. Sitting up, he unbuttoned and pulled his shirt off. Rey opened her eyes and looked at him, there was wanting in her eyes, and that excited him. She reached out and touched his stomach, then she sat up and unbuttoned his trousers to free him from them, she held his member in her hand and then she kissed him, a little rough, and passionately on his mouth, tangling her fingers in his hair, as he did the same to hers. Kylo laid her back down on the bed, positioning her neatly under him, before he slowly tried to enter her. She felt warm and wet, but very tight. She gasped and moaned, then gasped again. “You ok?” He asked her. “She nodded her head yes. “Don’t stop” she said, pulling his face to hers by his hair so she could kiss him. She kissed him deeply, then she whispered against his mouth. “I’m ok.” With her reassuring words Kylo pushed into her, she yelled out and ran her nails down his back, as he sunk into her. He moaned, losing himself with every thrust, every sound, and moan she made, he lost himself. When Rey woke in the morning, Kylo was already gone. She lay naked in his bed, staring up at the cracked gray ceiling. Everyone on the base would be up by now, and her emerging from his quarters at this time, would be suspect. Rey sensed there was something going on with him last night, but he was blocking her from feeling it. She put her hands over her face, then ran her fingers through her hair. She had never done what they did last night before. She wondered if he could tell. She smiled to herself, she liked it, every minute of it, and she wanted to do it again. Getting out of the bed Rey made her way to the washroom to take a shower.

Rey didn’t realize how late in the morning it was, the dining facility was almost empty, and there really wasn’t much left as far as breakfast food. Rey piled on her tray with whatever was left and found a table in the corner of the dining facility to eat quietly by herself. As she ate, her mind would wander back to the night before, causing her to smile. “What has you so giddy?” She heard a voice say. Startled from her thoughts Rey looked up, it was Master Luke. “I, uh...Master Luke?” She stammered. Luke pulled up a chair and sat down in front of her, he stroked his beard for a moment as he contemplated what to say. “Missed you at the training facility this morning. I saw Ben there, but no you” he said, looking at her intently. When they were not in earshot of Kylo, both Leia, and Master Luke would refer to him by his birth name, Ben. Rey thought it sweet that they didn’t want to let go of who he was. When she told Kylo that, he grimaced and pretended like he didn’t hear her. “Oh, I was just...um, tired. I overslept, sorry.” Rey answered while stuffing her mouth with food. Master Luke leaned back in his chair, stroking his beard. “Tired?” He said. “Huhmm” she answered, not looking at him. “Ok. That is not why I came looking for you anyway. I need to speak to you about your past, your family.” He said to her. Rey stopped eating. “My family?” She said cautiously. “Yes, meet me at my private office later this evening, maybe we can have dinner like we use too on Ahch-To.” Luke said patting her hand. “Ok” Rey replied. “Ok” Luke responded, then he got up, gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and left her to her meal. Rey watched as he walked away, she wondered what it was he had to say about her family. Rey furrowed her brow, she already knew the man they called Vaughn was her father; which, in and of itself disturbed her. She also gathered from her fevered dreams that Tarra had something to do with her grandmother, and mother’s deaths, and possibly her being left on Jakku. Rey also surmised that somehow Kylo knew a bit about her childhood as well, she just hadn’t asked him about it yet.

Rey found Kylo that afternoon on the flight line. Occasionally he would go on practice runs with the other resistance pilots, no one liked him, but they also couldn’t deny that he was a good pilot. Poe and Finn noticed her standing at the hangar entrance before Kylo did, and they approached her. “Hey” Poe said, when they reached her. “Hey yourself,” she responded, giving him a friendly jab in the shoulder. Finn looked behind him to where Kylo was getting out of his fighter wing. “I already know who you’re here to see” he said, turning back to face her. “Finn…” Rey began, as Finn raised his hand up to stop her from saying, whatever it was she was about to say. “You’re a grown woman, you can do what you want..” He turned and look back at Kylo who was now heading in their direction “ and you can be attracted to whomever you want” Finn finished. Poe raised a questioning eyebrow at her, Rey just looked back at him sideways, like ‘please don’t ask’. “Listen, we are about to grab some lunch. Why don’t you and Kylo join us?” Poe said, smiling his winning smile. Rey smiled folded her arms, and looked down at the ground for a second, kicking at something invisible; she loved her friends. “Sure” she said, looking back up at Finn and Poe. “Alright, we’ll see you in a few” Finn said, slapping her on the shoulder. “Ok,” she responded. Finn and Poe walked off, just as Kylo reached where she was standing. “Hey” Kylo said, stopping in front of her, his movement a little jilted, like he wanted to make a move to kiss her but thought better of it. “Thanks for waking me up this morning” She said sarcastically, her arms folded across her chest. Kylo laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, well, you just looked so peaceful, I just couldn’t bring myself to wake you.” he said with a smile. Rey chuckled. “Ok,” she responded, looking down at the ground. “Listen, I am starving, so do you want to grab something?” Kylo asked her. “Yeah, Finn and Poe just asked if we want to join them in the caf for lunch” she said. Kylo furrowed his brow confused. “You mean they asked you if you wanted…” Rey interrupted him mid-sentence. “No, us” she said, gesturing with her hands back and forth between them. Kylo looked down at the ground, then ran his fingers through his hair. “Uhh… Rey… I” He stammered searching for an excuse. “Come on! You can’t live like a hermit, recluse forever. Let them get to know you, like I know you” she said grabbing his hand. Kylo closed his eyes, then tilted his head back for a few moments, scrunching up his face. “Aaahh… ok, ok… fine” he said reluctantly. Rey let out a squeal, then threw her arms around his neck and gave him a hug and a quick peck on his neck. Rey heard him groan, she knew that he really didn’t want to, but she was glad he was willing to do it for her. She still had questions for him, but she would just ask them some other time. Grabbing his hand, she led the way gleefully to the dining facility.

Rey spent the rest of the day with her friends after lunch. Kylo was called to the communications building to talk to Tarra, she was checking in with her monthly reports, and on occasion, she would request to talk to Kylo. Rey felt funny about it, but Kylo knew Tarra, and cared for her way before Rey ever entered the picture; at least that’s how she tried to rationalize it in her head. Lunch with her friends and Kylo was interesting, a little forced, and awkward, but at least Kylo tried. Her, Finn, Poe, and Kaylin hung out in the gaming wards of the base for a while, they played some virtual reality games before finally heading to a clearing across from the Airfield. Eventually Finn and Kaylin went off somewhere, leaving her and Finn on the field. “How do you feel about him still being in contact with his ex now that you are with him” Poe asked her, as they watched the freighter ships take off. Rey shrugs her shoulders. “Sometimes I feel, funny, but he knew her before me” she responded. “Yeah, he did. You know I helped them run away” Poe said. Rey looked at him. “I mean when Tarra was Desai, and Kylo was Ben” Poe continued. “Why are you telling me this?” Rey asked, not really understanding where he was going with this conversation. Poe shrugged his shoulder. “You’re a sweet girl Rey, smart, and powerful. You don’t think we, as your friends, see what is happening; that we worry? You are falling for him, if you haven’t already fallen.” He paused to look at her, maybe even to give her a chance to dispute what he was saying. Rey didn’t, she just looked away from him. “What if I am… what if I have?” She asked after a few moments. Poe sighed “Then I feel for you, and I am afraid for you.” He said. “You don’t have to be, I can take care of myself” Rey responded defensively. “In battle yes. But in matters of the heart… What do you know of his relationship with that woman anyway?” Poe asked. Rey shrugged. Poe looked up as a shuttle flew over their heads towards the airfield, He watched it land before he spoke again. “When I helped them run away fifteen years ago, they were teenagers, and crazy about each other. From what I gathered from Finn, their relationship continued even while they were in the First Order. You didn’t want to cross Kylo and Tarra Ren. Together they were a force, and according to Finn, you definitely didn’t want to get in the middle of one of their lover’s spats. Their General Hux did, and Kylo almost killed him.” Rey looked straight ahead, she knew Poe was being a good friend, he was trying to look out for her, but the conversation was making her agitated. “What was the point in you telling me that? Do you want me to say that I feel sometimes like at any moment if she says she wants him, he will go running back to her bed… that sometimes, he frightens me” Rey shrugged her shoulders “ I don’t know… maybe” she said, still not looking at Poe. Poe reached out and placed his hand on hers. “Just guard yourself. Don’t get too attached,” he said, before standing up. Rey looked up at him. “I promised Anica I would meet her for dinner, you’re welcome to join us,” he said, looking down at her. Rey shook her head no, she knew Poe wanted to spend time alone with his girl. “I’m good, I am meeting Master Luke for dinner in a bit” she said. Poe hesitated, then nodded. “Ok, I’ll see you later; and think about what I said.” Poe said to her before he walked away. Rey closed her eyes and lie back on the grass; don’t get too attached he warned. “I think it is too late for that,” Rey said to herself. “Too late for what? Rey heard Kylo ask above her. Rey opened her eyes. “Hey… nothing, just talking to myself,” she said sitting up. Kylo sat down beside her. “So I see your friends dispersed.” He said as he leaned on one elbow. “Yeah, well, everyone has paired up with someone, and are now doing dates, and making out, and giving advice.” She responded. Kylo’s eyebrows rose at the last thing she said. “Giving advice,” he said. “About me?” He asked. Rey looked away from him. “Yeah,” she answered. Kylo plucked some grass from the ground, then looked at the setting sun. “We should go in” he said quietly. Rey looked over at him, and reached out and touched the his face. “They are just looking out for me” she said. “No… I know.” Kylo said, standing up and reaching out his hand for her to take. Rey placed her hand in his and allowed him to help her to her feet. “You want me to walk you to your room,” he asked, pulling her close to him, and kissing her on the neck. “No, you can walk me to your Uncle’s quarters, I’m having dinner with him tonight.” Kylo pulled away from her. “Yeah, no thanks,” he said, turning to walk away from her. “Hey, wait,” Rey said, grabbing his arm to make him turn back to face her. “He’s your Uncle, and I didn’t say join us. Beside you see him all the time in the training facility, and you’re both cordial.” Kylo laughed humorlessly, rubbing his thumb across his jawline. “That is because we are in a public space. I am not going to say fuck off to him in front of a bunch of strangers. I am cordial to Leia too, but that doesn’t mean I want to sit down with them and have a fucking family dinner!” Kylo yelled angrily. Rey backed up from him. “Fine, you don’t have to walk me.” She retorted back, giving him a disgusted look as she pushed her way past him. Rey got a few feet away from him when she heard him call out to her, she didn’t turn back, she just left him standing in the middle of the field.

Master Luke’s quarters were modestly decorated. He had a few model fighters displayed on shelves and Papers everywhere. The meal he had prepared for them was steam fish, grain, and some steamed vegetables. Rey pushed her food around on her plate, she really didn’t feel hungry. “Is the fish ok?” Luke asked her. “Rey looked up from her plate. “Oh, it’s fine” she said, placing a fork full in her mouth to prove it was fine. “I asked for a meal reminiscent of what we ate on Ahch-To” Luke said, smiling at her. “I see that” Rey responded absently. Luke put down his fork. “Are you ok Rey?” He asked concerned. “I’m fine.” Rey responded, giving him a faint smile. Luke began to stroke his beard, studying her face. “You have been spending a lot of time with my nephew, I’ve noticed” Luke said. Rey blinked, then looked down at her hands. “Yes,” she said softly. “Have you… developed feelings for him?” Rey did not look up from her hands, she knew the rules of the Jedi, and she was in no way following those rules. Rey didn’t answer her Master, she just kept staring at her hands. “Rey” Luke said, patiently waiting for her response. Rey looked up from her hands, her eyes watering. “He is eternally frustrating, and smart, and passionate, and powerful, and loving and every time I’m near him…” she couldn’t finish what she wanted to say, tears were streaming down her face. “I’m sorry, Master, I know I have disappointed you,” she sobbed, hanging her head. “You love him?” Luke asked. Rey wiped the tears from her face. “I don’t know. I just know that I think about him when I am not with him, I like to listen to him talk. I think he looks so beautiful while he sleeps.” Rey stopped talking, she felt like she said more than she should have, and then she thought to herself ‘maybe she did love him’. Luke just looked at her for what felt like an eternity. “You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you?” She asked, breaking the silence. Luke looked away from her for a moment before speaking. “I could say that I am, but I’m not.” He finally said. Rey looked at him in surprise. “I think not allowing Jedi’s to love, to take on spouse’s was maybe one of many mistakes that was made in the past” he said, as he took out his pipe. “I suspected something was going on between you two, just like I suspect Finn and that gossipy girl… Kaylin of having a thing.” Luke stuck his pipe in his mouth and lit it. He took a few puffs and releasing the smoke from his lungs, Luke leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “So, you’re not mad” Rey inquired. Luke opened his eyes and looked at her. “No, but in having a relationship with him, you need to be careful he doesn’t affect who you are Rey” Luke replied. Rey Furrowed her brow. Luke leaned forward. “ I can see that you are upset, most likely it has something to do with him. Am I right?” Rey nodded. “He holds a lot of anger towards you and General Organa” Rey replied. Luke leaned back in his seat. “Stay out of that. Don’t mention us, unless he does.” Luke told her. Rey nodded in acknowledgement. “ Enough about him, let’s talk about you, and why you are here” Luke said, taking a drag off his pipe. “You wanted to talk about my family” Rey said. “I already know that Vaughn is my father.” Luke looked surprised. “How do you know that?” He inquired. “I dreamt it, and I am guessing he is the reason I am force sensitive” she replied. “No, not just because of him. Your mother was as well.” Luke replied. “My mother?” Rey said, puzzled, and curious about What her master had to say about her father, and her mother. Rey remembered her mother, and she had no recollection of her mother ever using the force. “You look confused” Luke said, “Well, I remember my mother, and my grandmother, but I don’t remember them being force sensitive.” Rey responded. “Your mother was the force sensitive, not your grandmother” Luke said, taking another puff of his pipe, before setting it aside. “Rey, you come from a very strong family of Force users. Your father, whose real name by the way is Ezra; is a force user yes, but your mother’s family… the name of her father use to be a name that commanded respect in both the Jedi temple and the republic senate. Your mother’s family was of noble birth that held a tradition of dedicating at least two children born into the family to public service. One child would become a politician, the other a Jedi.” Luke paused to allow Rey to take in the information he was giving her. “Who was this noble republic family” Rey asked, intrigued, but not quite believing what she was being told. “Your mother was a Kenobi, her father was Owen Kenobi, brother to my Master Ben Kenobi; Your mother was born Eveleen Kenobi. Of course, when the empire took over they tried to kill off those families that were known to have a high birth rate of force sensitive children. Your mother was only two weeks old when order 66 was enacted.” Luke sat back in his seat, picking up his pipe again, puffing out plumes of white smoke, as he allowed Rey to mull it all over in her head. “So my mother is of noble birth and my father is Ezra… Ezra what? Rey asked. “Bridger, he fought on the side of the rebels when we were going against the Empire” Luke answered. “So my father is Ezra Bridger, ex rebel fighter now dark side user, and my mother is of noble Jedi blood named Eveleen Kenobi.” Rey repeated the facts out loud, just to get it straight in her head. “Yes. The lineage both you and Ben have is what I believe caused the Force to pull you two together. A force bond was forged between the two of you from when you were very young. You’re abilities progressed and manifested itself very young as well. The same with Ben.” Luke said, his speech had become quick and excited, the more he spoke. Rey looked at her master. He settled back in his seat calmly, but his eyes glittered, and shone with excitement. “So what are you saying?” Rey asked cautiously. Luke didn’t answer her right away, he puffed on his pipe, studying her face. “I am saying that you are more special than you ever thought you were, and… You loving my nephew is probably not a bad thing” Luke got up out of his seat and walked over to Rey, standing in front of her seat as he held his hand out for her to take. Rey looked up at her master for a second before placing her hand in his. “I have so much more to tell you, but I don’t want to overload you.” He said, as he leaned down and kissed her on her forehead. “I will say goodnight for now, and I will see you bright and early for training. Right” Luke said with a smile. Rey stood up out of her seat, her hand still being held by her Master’s hand. “Good night, then” She said faintly. Luke smiled at her again, and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before letting it go. Rey Left her master’s quarters feeling dazed. Everything he told her about her family felt surreal. Rey turned to head towards her own sleeping quarters, she wasn’t going to visit Kylo/Ben tonight. Rey needed to sort out the new information she was given about herself, and her family. 

When Rey arrived at her quarters, she found Kylo sitting on the floor in front of her door, looking dejected. When he heard her approach, he stood up quickly, running his hands through his hair. Rey sighed, she really didn’t feel like dealing with him, his emotions and feelings right then. “Rey” he said softly. Rey stopped in front of him, her hands folded across her chest, looking up at him. Kylo ran his hands through his hair again. “Rey, I’m sorry. I, uh...I’m sorry” Kylo said, fidgeting, not looking directly at her. Rey still didn’t say anything, her arms remained folded across her chest. “Are you going to say something? He asked after a few moments. “What do you want me to say?” She asked. Kylo ran his hands through his hair and bit his lower lip. “Anything...that you forgive me,” he replied “Fuck… that you hate me” he continued agitated. Rey unfolded her arms. “I don’t hate you, but you flying off the handle and yelling at me isn’t ok” She said. Kylo rubbed his thumb across his chin, and then his hands through his hair, before he finally looked her in the eyes. “I know,” he responded. Rey stood there looking at him, saying nothing. Kylo reached out and took one of her hands, pulling her close to him. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. Rey turned her head to the side, not looking at him. Kylo put his hand under chin and turned her face so she would look at him. “Please say something, ” he pleaded. Rey looked up at him. “I forgive you,” she whispered. Kylo looked at her for a long moment, then leaned down and kissed her gently on the mouth, then he straightened, tucking a stray hair of hers behind her ear. “How was your meeting with my Uncle” he asked. Rey shrugged her shoulders. “Well, my mother is of noble birth, my father is a rebel fighter turned dark side user. Oh, and my mother was also a force sensitive, and the niece of your namesake.” Rey said in one breath. Kylo stepped back from her slightly. “You’re a Kenobi?” he asked, looking a little shocked, and intrigued. “Apparently” Rey replied, throwing her hands in the air. “Kira Rey Kenobi-Bridger, would be my full name,” she said softly. “Wow” Kylo responded, leaning against her door. “You have some legacy there Rey” Kylo said, looking at her intently. “So do you, grandson of Darth Vader, and a former queen” she quipped back. Kylo chuckled to himself, running his thumb across his chin. Rey looked at him sideways. “What is so funny?” she asked. “The fucking universe,” he said, still laughing. Rey looked at him, puzzled. “I don’t get it,” she said. “Do you know who Darth Vader was before he became Darth Vader?” Kylo asked. Rey nodded. “He was Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight who turned to the dark side” she responded. “Do you know who his master was, who trained him?” Rey didn’t know where the line of questioning was going but she shook her head no in response. “Obi-wan Kenobi. Ben Kenobi. And here I am in love with his great niece. Isn’t this a bitch” Kylo said wryly. Rey was surprised by what he said, not the fact that her great uncle trained his grandfather, but that he loved her. “You love me?” She asked timidly. Kylo snapped out of his own thoughts, and looked at her. “Yeah,” he said softly. Rey drew close to him, putting her hand on his arm, and putting her other hand on his chest she looked up at him. “Say it again,” she whispered. “I love you” Kylo said softly, then he leaned in, pulled her close and kissed her. Rey had wanted to be alone tonight to think, but now, now she wanted nothing else than this man to be in her bed, pressed against her body.


	13. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has an emotional moment with his mother, and he is now willing to sit and talk to his Uncle. Tarra has a secret. Will she tell Kylo?

Chapter 13: Reconciliation

Tarra looked down at the little bundle she held in her arms, he was so small, and pink. His little eyes were squeezed shut, and his little mouth moved as though he was suckling, even though he wasn’t. He had light brown hair that lay flat on his little head. She had labored for nine hours before he would come into this world, and she was so in love with him. The midwives of Miji Suri were bustling around her, carrying out the sullied sheets from the room. Tarra returned to the planet Bustani her last two months of pregnancy. She had needed someplace safe to give birth, and nowhere could be safer than a hidden city filled with force sensitive people. “What will you name him?” One of the older midwives asked her, as she placed another pillow behind Tarra’s head. Tarra lovingly looked down at her baby’s small face. “Kieran” Tarra replied softly. “Will you tell the father?” The old woman asked. Tarra looked over at the old woman with a serene look on her face. “Why should I?” The old woman furrowed her brow. “A boy needs a father girl,” she replied, putting her hands on her very wide hips. “Maybe” Tarra answered, looking back down at her small child again, and then lightly kissing him on the forehead. The old woman shook her head and left the room, leaving Tarra and her baby to themselves. “You are my little one. My little surprise.” Tarra whispered on the forehead of her baby. “He will have other sons… with her. I have seen it. What I didn’t see was you little one.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke. “You are my gift. I may not have him, but I have you…” Tarra snuggled her baby’s forehead to her cheek “And I don’t want to share you… not yet. With the death of Snoke, we will get your brother back. I will have both my sons.” Tarra kissed her baby again before leaning back on the pillows behind her head and placing her child to lay on her chest. Taking a deep breath she felt the weight of her baby on her; she felt his heartbeat thump in a quick rhythm over her heart. She closed her eyes and listened attentively to every small breath he took. Tarra smiled at the thought of having both her children with her, safe, in her arms, and next to her heart. 

 

Kylo stared at the metal door in front of him, his mother was just on the other side of those doors. The last conversation he had with her didn’t end well. It had been months since that last conversation, four months to be exact. At the time he wasn’t ready to have the conversation she wanted with her, but he felt ready now, he felt ready to face his mother. Kylo waved his hand over the sensor, causing it to ding, to indicate his presence. The door was answered by his mother’s assistant Nora. “Is General Organa available?” Kylo asked, feeling a bit apprehensive. “She is” Nora replied. The woman didn’t move, or show any indication that she was going to let Kylo in. They stared at each other awkwardly in silence for a few moments before Kylo finally spoke. “Can you let her know I am here to see her?” he asked. “I could, but I don’t know if I should” She replied with disdain. “Please” he whispered. “Who’s at the door Nora?” Kylo heard his mother ask. “It’s me!” He yelled out before Nora could answer. There was silence for a moment, a moment that felt like an eternity. “Let him in” Leia responded, Nora stepped aside to let him in, scorn apparent in her eyes. When Kylo stepped into the common area of his mother’s quarter,s he saw her standing in the doorway of her office. She wore her reading glasses and held a book in her hands, her hair was unbraided, cascades of gray and brown around her shoulders. In the fifteen to sixteen years he had been gone, his mother had gotten old. “Leave us Nora” Leia said, not taking her eyes off of him. Kylo heard the door open and shut behind him, but he did not turn to see if Nora had actually left. “What brings you here Be… Kylo?” Leia asked cautiously. Kylo raked his fingers through his hair. “Can we sit?” he asked, gesturing to the couch. Leia nodded and they both walked over to the couch to sit down. The two of them settled themselves on the couch; Kylo on one end of the couch, his mother on the other. Kylo took a deep breath, he felt his stomach flip a few times, he felt sick with nerves; maybe even frightened, afraid of his mother’s rejection. “I am sorry” he said without looking at Leia. “I’m sorry for everything… for hurting you, for… kill…” Leia reached out and touched his arm to stop him from finishing his sentence, tears began to fill his eyes, and roll down his cheek. Leia moved closer to him and put her arms around her son, bringing his head to her chest she held him as he cried.  
A few weeks had passed since he spoke to his mother, or more accurately cried like a baby in her arms. Kylo even started to accept Luke, Leia, Rey, and even Poe calling him Ben. Finn still called him Kylo, along with everyone else on the base, although now he wasn’t treated with as much hostility like when he first arrived six months prior. People were beginning to accept him as an ally, and less like an unwelcome guest. Kylo was pulling off his flight helmet when he noticed Kaylin running over to where him and Poe stood on the airfield. “What is she all excited about?” Poe asked. “She probably has some juicy gossip she can’t contain, and she couldn’t find Finn or Rey, so before she explodes she’s running to tell us” Kylo responded, Poe chuckled. By the time Kaylin reached them, she was out of breath, she doubled over as she gasped for air. “Give me … a sec” she said, gulping in air between words. Finally, she caught her breath enough to stand up straight to talk to them. “Word has come from Tarra that one, the people of Miji Suri will align with us and fight the First Order, and two that her sources have come through with the location of Snoke” Kaylin said quickly. “General Organa has called a meeting, she wants you to be there Ben” Kaylin finished. Kylo nodded his head, then looked over at Poe, they were going to hang out, drink and talk. “Rain check” Kylo said. “Go ahead man, I’ll catch up with you later” Finn responded back, giving him a reassuring pat on the back. Kylo nodded his head and began to head to the base HQ. It felt good to have Poe as his friend again, to have any friends for that matter. Kylo didn’t realize how isolated he was until he arrived on D’Qar, and Rey began to force him to interact with people again. Kylo came to realize that Snoke controlled every aspect of his life, more than he actually thought he did. When he was part of the First order interaction with anyone deemed below him was forbidden. He only interacted with people Snoke deemed worthy, like Tarra, Phasma, and Hux. Tarra emotionally tortured and manipulated him, he was ok with Hux until he slept with Tarra, and the only time Phasma was interesting was when her and Tarra had sex in front of him. Tarra on the other hand did what she wanted. Kylo saw that Tarra’s stunts irritated even angered Snoke, yet she never received any real punishment, not until he sent her away and took her child from her. The dynamic between the two was almost that of father/ daughter, maybe even sister/ brother. Kylo was coming to realize that Tarra knew more about Snoke than she was letting on; maybe that was why she was so confident that he could be killed.

 

When Kylo arrived in the conference room the briefing had already started, Rey saw him enter and gestured for him to come sit next to her. Kylo shook his head and stood next to the door instead. One of the communication’s Lieutenants was going over the intel that Tarra had given when Kylo walked in. “Snoke never stays in one place for too long according to Tarra, but for some reason his armada has been orbiting a certain planet within the uncharted territories.” The Lieutenant said, pointing to the location on the map Tarra had sent with her message. “The Bustani people call the planet Rohodunia. The queen of Bustani has also requested that you come and meet her in person General Organa” The Lieutenant concluded. “Thank you Lieutenant Bode” Leia said, with a slight nod of her head. “I will be taking a small fleet of ships, and fighters with me to the uncharted system, and if Tarra’s word can be trusted, the queen has had a number ships commissioned and completed for us to add to our own armada.” Leia said, and then she looked over to where Kylo was standing. “I don’t know why your girl has helped us this much, but you and her have been great assets to this cause. We may just win, and finally end this war” Leia stated. Kylo didn’t know how to respond, all eyes in that room turned and stared at him, all he could do was nod his head in acknowledgement. He knew why Tarra was helping, she did nothing for anyone unless it was going to somehow benefit her. He on the other hand felt obligated to help, to atone for all that he had done in the past thirteen years or so. Kylo looked over at Rey, and he was doing it for her as well. “Ok, so let’s start preparing ourselves for this endeavor, we leave in a week's time.” Leia said, concluding the meeting. Everyone except General Organa’s top advisors left the conference room, Rey had already gone off with Finn, so Kylo walked slowly by himself towards his quarters. He hadn’t been around Tarra in almost ten months, he spoke to her occasionally, and in those conversations they spoke as just friends. But Kylo knew how different it was to be around her; Sometimes he was fine, she caused no physical reaction from him. Then there were other times he would give into whatever urges he had towards her, and she would happily go along with whatever he wanted. “Ben” Kylo heard behind him, he was still deep in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that the person behind him was talking to him. “Ben” Kylo stopped and turned around the second time his name was called. Going back and forth between Kylo and Ben was confusing sometimes, especially since the name Ben still felt so foreign to him. The person calling out to him was his Uncle. Kylo stopped walking and waited for his Uncle to catch up to him. “Luke” he said when Luke reached him. Luke nodded his head slightly. “Shall we walk to my quarters and have a drink?” Luke asked. Kylo furrowed his eyebrows, but gave his Uncle a slight nod. They walked in silence towards Luke’s quarters for a few moments before Luke spoke. “You seem troubled nephew” Luke stated. “Troubled how?” Kylo responded. “You tell me” was Luke’s response back. Kylo felt a slight feeling of irritation. He knew his Uncle either knew exactly what was bothering him, or had already inferred what it was, but his line of questioning was meant to make him divulge information voluntarily. Kylo did not respond back, he didn’t feel like sharing. They walked the rest of the way in silence until they reached his Uncles quarters, and Kylo was sitting across from Luke in one of his armchairs made from Corellian wood and Banther skin. Luke poured them both a glass of Coruscant brandy. Luke handed Kylo his glass and sat across from him, Kylo gulped his down, but Luke just held his. “Now that we are on speaking terms I meant to ask you about your lightsaber, it is… very unique.” Luke said. Kylo smiled and put down his glass, he loved talking about history and legends, and nothing was more historical or legendary than the Dark Saber. “It is more than unique, it’s legendary” Kylo stated, his demeanor more relaxed than it was when he took his seat. Kylo talked in length about the history of it as his Uncle slowly drank his brandy, and poured Kylo glass after glass as he spoke. “How did you come in possession of it?” Luke asked, Kylo gulped down his fourth glass of brandy. “Tarra. She wrote a note with coordinates, and put it in a box. The note said if you are worthy it will call to you.” Kylo pulled the lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. “It called to me as soon as I landed on the planet” he whispered, as he stared in awe at the lightsaber he held in his hand. “This is history, and there is so much we still don’t know about it. Like who was the original owner?” Kylo said un-igniting the Lightsaber and placing it back on his belt. “Tarra is an interesting girl. Out of everyone on this base you know her better than anyone.” Luke said, taking a sip of his drink. Kylo leaned back in his seat, and narrowed his eyes. “Yes I suppose I have a unique perspective, when it comes to Tarra.” Kylo replied. Luke finished the drink he was nursing and placed his glass on the floor next to his feet. “So you understand her motives, and you trust her?” Luke asked. Kylo rubbed his thumb across his jaw, then shrugged his shoulders. “At this moment I trust her, because I know what is motivating her. Tarra does nothing unless it benefits her somehow. Right now helping you guys gets her what she wants, her child back.” Kylo stated, irritation evident in his voice. Luke took a deep breath. “You sound mad” Luke said calmly. Kylo rubbed his knuckles across his jaw. “I’m not understanding the line of questioning all of a sudden” Kylo replied. “Tarra is still a dark force user. Let’s say Snoke gives her what she wants; makes a side deal with her. What will stop her from going back?” Luke asked, waiting patiently for a response from Kylo. Kylo furrowed his brow and ran his fingers through his hair. “She wouldn’t” he said, with some uncertainty. Luke raised a brow. “Are you sure about that? Why wouldn’t she? Unlike you she has no family to return to. There is nothing else to motivate her to remain on our side of this fight. I looked into her eyes when we were in Miji Suri, and that is not the girl you ran away with from Konijo.” Luke said leaning forward in his chair. Kylo looked away from his Uncle, he made valid points. Snoke could easily give her exactly what she wants, and she could turn on them at any moment. “You’re right, that scenario could easily happen. But she still wants him dead. His death also means her freedom.” Kylo replied, looking down at his hands before looking back up at his Uncle. “If you want to take away that strategic move from Snoke, maybe you should help locate her child for her” Kylo suggested. Luke sat back in his chair, and began to stroke his beard. “This child you speak of, I am assuming he is not yours” Luke said, studying his nephew’s face. Kylo shook his head no. “Does the father of the child know about him? Luke asked. Kylo once again shook his head no. Luke continued with his barrage of questions “What is her reasoning for not telling the father? Couldn’t he help in locating their son? Kylo sighed, and looked into the simulated fire that was burning in the fireplace they were sitting in front of. “Tarra is no angel, she is manipulative, she’s self-serving, she’s argumentative, vindictive, and sometimes cruel, but she does have her moments....” Kylo’s words trailed off, looking away from the fire and back at his uncle he ran his fingers through his hair. “She is on our side. I don’t think she will betray us, and I have grown weary of all these questions.” Kylo stated, getting up from his seat he prepared himself to leave. “One more question” Luke said, as he watched his nephew head towards the door. Kylo stopped and turned to face his Uncle. “If you were the one who had a child by her, and she didn’t tell you, how would you feel about it?” Luke asked. Kylo looked at his Uncle for a moment. What a weird question to ask him. “Why would you ask me a question like that” Kylo said walking back over to his seat to stand in front of his Uncle. “I was just wondering if you think it’s right that she would keep a father in the dark, and if it was you how would you feel? Luke asked. Kylo looked at his Uncle sideways. “Are you saying that I should tell Hux about his son, or pressure her to tell him? Kylo asked. Luke sat back in his seat, and pulled out his pipe. “They’re just questions Ben, things to ponder. Like does she know about you and Rey? Do you know that Tarra is in love with you? And how will this little love triangle going to affect the rest of us? Luke replied, sticking his pipe in his mouth and lighting it. “She knows about Rey and my attraction to her” Kylo said. “Ahh, yes but does she know that you are in love with Rey? Luke asked, after letting out a stream of smoke from his Lungs. Kylo ran his fingers through his hair and looked at the floor. “No, it never came up, but I think she suspects as much” Kylo responded. “Hmmm” was Luke’s response back. Kylo ran his hands through his hair again and then slightly turned to leave, but then he turned to face his Uncle again his brow furrowed. “Why would you ask me about not knowing about a child with Tarra, and how I would feel? Kylo asked wearily. Luke puffed on his pipe and studied his nephew before answering him. “They are just questions, but out of curiosity; how would you feel, even if it wasn’t Tarra but Rey for example?” Kylo folded his arms across his chest. “I would want to know. I mean I know I’m not ready to be a father; I am still a little messed up, but I would want to know.” Kylo responded. Luke nodded his head, his eyes glazed for a second like he was mulling something over, or like he was listening to something. “Are we done?” Kylo asked, as he started to back up towards the door. Luke nodded in acknowledgement; Kylo turned and exited his Uncle’s quarters baffled by the entire encounter.


	14. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has mixed feelings about Tarra's return into his life. He worries he might mess things up with Rey. Rey and Tarra have a talk

Chapter 14: Confessions

 

Rey Could feel all of Kylo’s /Ben’s emotions this morning, even with him being in another part of the battleship his emotions were coming through to her as if they were her own. She knew it was because he was too distracted, and anxious to remember to block her from feeling everything he was feeling. Rey also knew what, or better yet who was making him anxious… Tarra Ren. The fact that that woman still had an effect on him irritated her, especially now that they were together, she didn’t like the friendship he had with that woman. Rey hated feeling this way, feeling jealous of someone else, it made her feel weak and vulnerable. “You seem irritable Rey; What’s wrong?” Rey heard Master Luke ask her. Rey looked over to her master and shook her head. She didn’t want to voice the way that she was feeling, it was negative and it was dark, and that was not the way of the light. Rey could feel Finn’s eyes on her, she didn’t even look his way; she knew she would see the ‘I know what’s up with you’ look if she did. Rey looked out the window of the ship instead. The ship they were on was one of the three flagships that the Malkia had commissioned for the Resistance, along with two carriers, and a number of newly designed x-wing fighters. Everyone was surprised when the flagship dropped into orbit around D-Qar. Tarra came down to the surface in one of the new carriers, she was accompanied by Miji Suri’s ambassador, and five Shujaa Wakali; Warriors of Bustani. Rey remembered the look on Ben’s face when he saw Tarra step out of that carrier; his face lit up, and she felt the excitement roll from him into her. His joy in seeing Tarra hit her in the gut like a sledgehammer. It didn’t help that when Tarra stepped off that carrier she looked absolutely stunning, Rey had to even admit that. Tarra’s hair was out and flowing around her shoulders and down her back, she was wearing a dark purple, loose, sleeveless flowing dress that billowed around her with the wind. The neckline on the dress plunged in a V stopping right above where her navel would be; her skin looked darker, like she spent a lot of time in the sun, and her hair had sun kissed highlights. Tarra went straight to Ben/Kylo, all smiles as she ran her fingers through his hair, and he let her. They acted like no one else was standing around them. Then the wench had the nerve to look at Rey, smiling, and then she gave her a hug, like they were old friends, even Ben was surprised. The thing is, when Tarra smiled at Rey, it reached her eyes, they were warm, and inviting. The smile was sincere. It caught Rey off guard, and it made her feel even more crappy for feeling the bitter jealousy in the pit of her stomach. After greeting Rey Tarra turned her attention to General Organa, explaining her surprise arrival, and the new ship. Ben’s anxiety didn’t kick in until they were all taking a tour of the new flagship. Rey saw him constantly glancing at Tarra then looking away, with guilt mixed in with his anxiousness. Now Rey sat in the lounge area of this new beautiful ship, wishing Ben would finally remember to block her from his emotions. Rey closed her eyes, maybe if she projected back to Ben how she was feeling he would realize that he left the bond open on his end and block his feelings, but she didn’t, because she didn’t want him to know how she felt at all. Rey heard Luke excuse himself, leaving her alone with Finn. As soon as Master Luke left, Finn put his hand over hers, causing Rey to open her eyes. “He loves you Rey” Finn stated, looking at her earnestly. “”Is it that obvious?” she asked. “You looked ill as soon as she stepped off that carrier.” Finn replied, getting up from his seat to sit next to her. Finn put his arms around her, Rey laid her head on his shoulders. “They have such an extensive history with one another; and I mean did you see her? She was warm, and soft and feminine, and absolutely beautiful.” Rey said, a little pouty. Finn gave her shoulder a little squeeze. “Yes, she’s beautiful, but don’t sell yourself short Rey, so are you” Finn replied. Rey looked at her friend and smiled at him. “You have to say that because you’re my friend” she said. Finn shook his head. “No I am saying it because it is true. But you are more than just beautiful Rey. You are kind, giving, and loyal. I can’t say the same of Tarra. I don’t think Kylo can either.” Finn said. Rey gave her friend a big smile, and a loud smooch on the cheek. “You always know the right things to say peanut” She said, feeling a little better. They sat in silence for a few minutes, with his arm still around her, and her head on his shoulder. “There is something a little different about her, she didn't seem as sociopathic, cold and scary on this day. Does she?” Rey asked, her eyebrows furrowed. Finn was silent for a second before he responded. “Yeah, I kind of picked up on that too. Maybe she went on the same self-discovery journey Kylo did,” Finn responded. Rey didn’t answer, maybe Tarra did, maybe she was like Ben now, neither light or dark. It was hard to say, because she still sensed darkness, a lot of it in Tarra, but there also seemed to be a small glimmer of goodness in her that wasn’t quite there before.

 

Kylo didn’t mean to feel so overjoyed to see Tarra, but that was the overpowering emotion he felt when he saw her. She greeted him the way she always did, fingers through his hair, and down the side of his face. He probably shouldn’t have let her do that in front of everyone, but he actually missed her doing that, it was comforting. Then he caught a glimpse of Rey’s face, she looked a little upset, and then Tarra did something he didn’t expect, she hugged Rey. Tarra arrived on D-Qar two days before they were planning to leave to head to Bustani. The ship they were now on had a special cloaking device that would help them move through space undetected by the First Order. The entire tour Kylo kept glancing at Tarra, she was different. She walked through the ship with her arm linked with his mother’s as she talked about all of the ship’s special features and amenities. When she smiled, it reached her eyes, and her laugh was light and happy; she reminded him of Desai. The long dead, long gone lost love, Desai. “Hey man, where is your head right now?” Kylo heard Poe ask. Kylo looked up from where he was sitting against a wall in the hangar bay, eyes slightly glazed as he tried to pull himself out of his own head. “Uh, nowhere… I mean, I’m just thinking about...stuff.” Kylo responded, running his fingers through his hair. “You mean you’re thinking about her” Poe replied. Kylo shook his head, preparing himself to deny any such thing, but Poe squatted down in front of him and spoke before he could. “Man, I get it, she is beautiful… you would have to be blind not to see that, and you have a long, battle filled history with her. But you need to make a decision man, because you have another beautiful girl that you have been with for the past few months, that has actually made you a very likable person.” Poe said the last part jokingly, then he continued, his tone serious. “Which is it going to be? The girl of your past or the girl of your future?” Poe asked. Kylo looked at his friend, then ran his fingers through his hair. “I love Rey, I do, but Tarra… she has always had this, this hold…” Kylo sighed, rubbing the side of his jaw with his knuckles. “I need to walk around for a bit” Kylo said, getting up from against the wall, Poe stood up when Kylo did. “I think that’s a good idea, clear your head” Poe said. Kylo nodded and headed back into the main part of the ship. Poe was right, he had to decide, he needed to sort out how he was feeling. Kylo wandered the halls of the ship aimlessly deep in his own thoughts, then he saw his Uncle approaching him from one of the corridors of the ship. “Ben” Luke said when he got close. “Luke” Kylo replied. “Can we walk and talk for a bit” Luke asked. Kylo nodded his head. “You look troubled. Would you like to talk about it?” Luke asked. “No” Kylo responded. Luke stopped walking, placing his hand on Kylo’s arm to stop him from walking as well. “Why has it always been so difficult for you to share your thoughts and troubles with me?” Luke asked, Kylo heard genuine hurt in his Uncle’s voice. Kylo sighed. “Because you wouldn’t be able to relate. How can you give me advice on things you’ve never been through yourself?” Kylo stated. “What do you know about what I have been through? You have never asked me about my experiences, you have never tried talking to me to find out.” Luke replied. Kylo ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at the floor, Luke was right; he never asked his Uncle about himself, he never opened up to him either. “Your right” Kylo finally replied. “Do you want to know what’s troubling me?” Kylo asked. Luke nodded his head. “Before you do, you need to block Rey from your emotions, she is feeling everything, and it is affecting her” Luke said. Kylo’s eyes went wide like saucers. “I…” he stammered. Luke raised his hand to stop him. “Just take a moment, and block her” Luke said calmly. Kylo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Luke patiently waited as Kylo did what he needed to. When Kylo finally opened his eyes Luke nodded, and they continued walking the corridors as Kylo explained his Dilemma. 

 

The ship dropped out of hyper-drive in the Bustani system the day after they left D-Qar. Kylo had managed to avoid, both Tarra and Rey the entire time he was on the ship. They were greeted by a group of Mhudumus that showed everyone to their respective lodging within the city of Miji Siri. Tarra had arranged for Kylo and Rey to share lodgings. So after an entire day of avoiding Rey, they stood awkwardly in the middle of the sitting area of their shared lodging staring at each other. “Um… this city is really beautiful, have you seen it?” Rey asked, breaking the silence. Kylo had his arms folded across his chest looking everywhere but at Rey. “Uh… well, I uh, saw glimpses of the city as we moved through it to get here” Kylo replied. Rey nodded her head. “The last time I was here I was amazed at the architecture, how it blended so well with the nature around it. When we get a chance we should, you know, walk around, explore a little” she said, trying to open him up, trying to get rid of the wall he placed between them. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea” Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, and then grabbed his toiletry bag off the couch it was thrown on. “I am feeling a little grimy, so I think I’m going to just take a shower,” he said, still avoiding her eyes, Kylo turned and headed up the spiral wooden stairs to where the bedroom, and the shower was located.  
The shower was not hot, but it still felt good hitting his bare skin. Kylo needed this reprieve, he needed to get his head straight. The knowledge that Rey felt everything he was feeling embarrassed him, and he was afraid it may hurt her. Kylo banged his head on the glass of the shower door. He could only face one female at a time, and at this very moment he did not want to face Rey. The crazy thing is Tarra was not doing anything to pull him back into her life in a romantic way, she pretty much had resigned herself as his friend, all of this should be a no brainer, simple; but it wasn’t, not for him. When Kylo finally got out the shower, Rey was gone, she left a note on the bed. “Went out with Finn and Poe to the bar on the main level. Hope you join us.” Kylo tossed the note back on the bed and got dressed, he would join them later, but there was something he had to do first.

 

Tara opened the door to her home to see Kylo standing on the other side of it. Her heart skipped a beat. Luckily Kieran was sound asleep, and his muuguzi mvua was in the room with him, to tend to him if he did wake up. “What are you doing here?” She asked. Kylo ran his fingers through his hair. “Can we talk, please?” he asked earnestly. Tarra reluctantly nodded, letting him in. Her house wasn’t large, but it was a nice size home. It was beautifully furnished, with colors of grays, and blues, with accents of reds, and purples. Tarra led him to a small sunroom. “Would you like something to drink?” She asked politely. Kylo nodded his head yes. She poured him a glass of something that looked like water, but when he gulped it down it burnt his throat and chest as it went down. Kylo coughed violently, and Tarra laughed in amusement. “Sorry, I should have warned you” she said, rubbing his back. “No...no, it’s...ok” he sputtered between coughs. After a while he was able to compose himself and he wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. Tarra giggled a little and settled herself on a large gray chaise, Kylo followed behind her and sat on it too, on the edge, by her feet. Kylo placed his hand on her ankle, and rubbed little circles on it with his thumb. He heard her breath catch. “Why are you here?” she asked softly. Kylo looked up from her feet. “You have a pull on me that I can’t explain.” Kylo said to her. Tarra stared at him, not saying anything, Kylo looked back down at her feet, still rubbing little circles on her ankle. Tara felt surges of electricity roll through her groin, into her gut. Then she watched as he moved his hand slowly up her leg to her thighs. Tarra jerked upright, pulling her legs away, Placing both of her feet on the floor. “You love Rey” she said, her voice raspy, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Kylo nodded. “But I think, I also love you” he whispered. Tarra closed her eyes, her chest noticeably heaving up and down, her heart pounded against her rib cage, she had her dress clenched tightly in her hands. “Tarra” Kylo said, as he moved closer to her. Tarra still had her eyes shut, her hands still clenched in a fist, she didn’t want to look at him, she wanted to melt away into the floor. Kylo touched her hair, then he placed his hand on her neck. Tara could feel her pulse pound against his palm, then he moved his hand down her arm to her white knuckled hand; he leaned in and kissed her neck. “Stop” she whispered, opening her eyes and looking directly into his. “You don’t love me, you love her” she said softly. “I said I love Rey, but…” Tarra silenced him by placing two fingers on his lips, and shook her head. “No… Desai...when you look at me, you always see her. You know I am not her logically, but your heart…” She moved her hand to his chest. “You never really grieved her death, Snoke stole that from you” she said. Kylo shook his head. “Yes” Tarra responded to his non-verbal denial. “I know you’re not her,” he replied. Tarra stood up and walked away from him, her arms wrapped around herself. “When Snoke had his witches put my soul in her body, he made sure there were parts of her still in there, to intermingle and fuse in with my soul. That is why I was able to recall the memories you two shared, Snoke did it so that I could mimic who she was in the beginning.” Tarra said, her back still facing him. Kylo got up from where he was sitting, and walked up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “That was thirteen years ago Tarra, I know who you are. I know what I feel” he said, turning her to face him. She had tears in her eyes. “I believe you when you say you love me, but I don’t think you’re in love with me. We drive each other crazy. I bring out the worst in you, and you in me.” Tarra looked down at the floor, she was running out of things to say. Kylo lifted her chin and kissed her on the mouth, it was warm, and it was sweet, but Tarra noticed that it missed the fire and heat it usually had. Even when they wanted to kill each other, and Kylo swore to high heaven he hated her, when they kissed or fucked there was always a lot of heat, a lot of passion; but not tonight. Tarra began to laugh, Kylo pulled away from her, brow furrowed at first, then he began to laugh too. Kylo backed away from her, and ran his fingers through his hair, Tarra wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You are in love with Rey, like really in love with her” she stated, knowing that he had come to the same conclusion already. Kylo folded his arms across his chest and looked down at the floor, then back up at her biting his lower lip. “Yeah” he said, then placed his hand over his mouth, and closed his eyes for a moment. “You should go to her” Tarra said. Kylo opened his eyes and walked back towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, then he pulled her to his chest and hugged her. They stood like that for a while, not saying anything. Tarra breathed in deeply, her heart ached a little, he would probably never hold her like this again. Kylo pulled away from her slightly, and kissed her lightly on the forehead again. “I’ll show myself out,” he said, Tarra nodded. Her vision blurred with tears as she watched him walk away. 

 

By the time he left Tarra’s house the rains had begun, so when he got back to his room he was soaking wet. Then he felt it, raging, burning, anger, it was coming from Rey. Kylo knew that when he opened the door to his lodging he would have to face a drunk, pissed off Rey. As soon as he opened the door a glass came flying towards his head and he had to duck to avoid being hit by it, the glass flew past his head into the hall, smashing into a wall. “I AM BLOODY TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT I AM COMPLETELY FINE WITH YOU BEING FRIENDS WITH YOUR FUCKING EX-GIRLFRIEND!” Rey yelled at him. Kylo closed the door behind him and raised his hand passively. “Rey, I understand that Tarra and my friendship bothers you, but you’re drunk, and now might not be…” Kylo was unable to finish his sentence because Rey picked up a vase with the force and lunged it at him. Kylo managed to stop it just before it hit him in the face, but before he could set the vase down, a ceramic piece of artwork came flying towards him, it barely missed him as he ducked out of the way, it hit a wall and shattered into a million colorful pieces. “Where were you tonight? With her? Rey hissed. Kylo considered lying, but he had told her he would never lie to her. “Yes” he answered. Rey grabbed her stomach and opened her mouth, but nothing came out, she just sat on the couch, and started to cry. Kylo began walking towards her slowly. “Rey…” he began, but Rey held up her hand. “Do you love her?” she asked, her bottom lip visibly trembling. Kylo looked down at the floor , looking around like he was search for something, he didn’t want to answer her. “Do You Love Her!” Rey demanded through tears. Kylo threw his hands up in the air. “Yes, but I’m not in love with her!” He exclaimed. Kylo’s heart pounded in his chest, he could hear the beat of it in his ears. Has he lost her, did he fuck things up? “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Rey asked. Kylo took a cautious step towards her. “I love you Rey. I am deeply and madly in love with you. I just had to sort things out with her, finally close that chapter in my life.” Rey slouched back on the couch and closed her eyes, tears still ran down her cheeks. “Did you sleep with her?” She asked, her voice trembling. Kylo finally reached her on the couch and slowly sat down next to her. “No,” he answered. Rey opened her eyes and looked at him. “But you wanted to...apart of you wanted to” she responded. Kylo looked down, shaking his head. How should he respond to this, he wasn’t sure what to say. “I...don’t know what I wanted exactly when…” Rey raised her hand and cut Kylo off mid-sentence. “Remove the block” Rey demanded. Kylo furrowed his brow, and shook his head. He knew why she wanted him to remove the block, she wanted to feel, and know exactly what he was thinking, and feeling as he tried to explain himself. She wanted to know if he was lying to her. “Rey...I” he stammered. Rey just looked at him, he could see anger enter her eyes as he stalled. Kylo sighed, ran his fingers through his wet hair, and looked down at his hands, he didn’t want to but he knew he had to; he removed the block and allowed her to feel everything he was feeling, he let her into his head. “You have to understand that Tarra and I have a really long history together, that is...kind of hard to just…” Kylo just couldn’t find the right words, he felt frustrated with himself. Rey got up off the couch and walked over to the balcony windows, staring out at the rain. “If there would have been a spark in that kiss you would have stayed with her” she said hoarsely. She turned to face him. “You love me, I feel that, but you also still care for her. And I get, that it was extremely confusing for you, but I really fuckin wished you would have figured that shit out before you started anything with me.” Her words came out with a lot of anger behind them, but kylo could feel the pain, the hurt she was feeling as well. “I need you to go,” she whispered. “Rey...I” he began. Rey cut him off before he could say anything else. “I can’t look at you right now, I need you to go” she said then she turned and headed upstairs. Kylo cursed to himself. He really messed up. There was nothing he could do tonight, but respect her wishes, so he left to find somewhere else to sleep for the night.

 

Luke opened his door to his lodgings to find a soaked dejected Ben/Kylo on the other side of his door. Luke let him in, allowed him to take a hot shower, and lent him one of his robes. Now they sat across from each other, each with a glass in their hand filled with that clear alcohol native to that world. Kylo knocked his drink back, feeling the fire roll down his throat, and burn in his belly, but this time he didn’t cough. “I really messed up, she may never talk to me again” Kylo said, staring into his now empty glass. Luke reached over and poured Kylo another drink. “It seems that way, but I say just give her some time, she’ll come around” Luke said, before taking a gulp of his drink. Luke sputtered and coughed. “Fuck me...this stuff could burn the hair off your balls!” Luke exclaimed. Kylo laughed, and Luke began to laugh with him. “Why weren’t you this cool when I was younger?” Kylo asked. Luke took a cautious sip of his drink. “Because it was my job to be your guardian, not your friend. Besides you were a moody little shit and wouldn’t even entertain the idea of talking to me. You put a wall up between us and you, the only person you let in was that girl.” Luke said, polishing off his drink, making a face as it went down. Kylo nodded his head. “Yeah, well I always had a voice in my head saying that none of you understood me, that you guys feared me, and you guys did, especially Han.” Kylo replied. “I didn’t fear you Ben, I worried about you, so did your mother. Snoke was that voice in your head, he was isolating you from us,” Luke said, pouring himself another glass before he continued “I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the reason your girlfriend died. I am willing to bet that he saw that girl as a liability, she took you away from us sure, but she was also taking you away from him too. You were in love, happy. That girl was a variable he had no control over so he found a way to replace her with a girl he could control.” Luke said, then he chuckled to himself. “Now the girl he replaced her with can’t be controlled anymore either, he didn’t count on his little dark side princess falling in love with you” Luke chuckled again. “Must be the Skywalker/Solo charm” Luke concluded, raising his glass slightly before taking another sip. Kylo shook his head, he laughed, even though none of this felt funny to him. “You’re probably right. Desai’s death pushed me right into his, pale bony hands, but if Han would have come through…”Kylo closed his eyes and stopped talking, he felt a lump in his throat and tears started to fill his eyes. He had never spoken about that night out loud. He never spoke about it at all. Tarra was right, he never grieved Desai’s death because to him she really wasn’t dead, he never buried her, she was walking, and talking, kissing and touching him, so how can she be dead; But Tarra, Tarra was not Desai. Kylo said that many times to himself, Tarra was not Desai. Did he really, truly believe that? Tarra said it herself, Snoke fused parts of Desai’s being into her soul. So maybe that was the hold she had on him, he couldn’t let go of the dead. “Han?” Luke said questioningly, his eyebrow raised. Kylo put his hand over his eyes, sat slouched in his seat, leaning his head back he looked up at the ceiling, as though that would help the tears to stop falling. “I never spoke about that night with anyone. I wouldn’t even allow myself to think about it, to acknowledge it. It was a bad dream, because Snoke gave her back to me, at least that’s what I thought. How can she be dead when there is life in those beautiful green eyes again?” Kylo’s voice shook, and a sob escaped his throat. “When Desai and I ran away I became involved in smuggling...we became involved in smuggling…” Kylo shrugged his shoulders “I guess deep down I always wanted to be like my dad, and smuggling was an easy fast way to make money. I was able to get into a decent gang because of my name, Solo… Little did I know that the name also came with a shit load of trouble.” Kylo sat up and leaned forward in his seat, arms resting on his knees, fingers laced together, his eyes staring into nothing. “We were on a roll for almost two years. I managed to avoid Han for the most part, only ran into him once at Maz’s. We didn’t speak, he sent Desai and I over some drinks, nodded his head and kept it moving; his way of acknowledging that I was my own man. A few months after that Desai and I was making a drop with a few members of our gang when the Unktena gang showed up looking for Han Solo. I laughed and said “Wrong Solo.” I told them some lie about him going to the Corellian system, and I thought that would be the end of it.” Kylo took a deep breath, and shook his head, then continued on with his story. “The leader of the gang laughed, as though I told a joke. He said that Han either owed him his cargo or he owed him his money, and he didn’t care which Solo paid him his money. My response to that was he could kiss my ass because his dealings was with Han not me; everything went to shit then. The Unktenas pulled out weapons, my gang pulled out weapons, and when the smoke cleared Desai was lying on the ground, bleeding out. I couldn’t get her help because the Fuckin UnKtenas blew up our ship. I knew Han was in the same system we were in, so I called him, to ask him for transport to any of the Resistance flagships or base, they had good doctors that could save her. Do you know what he told me?” Kylo looked up then, at his Uncle, tears had filled his eyes again. Luke shook his head slightly in response to his nephew’s question. 

[ “No can do kid, if the Unktena’s gang was on that planet that means they are still in orbit waiting for me to show up. But I’ll send someone for you kid. I promise” ]

Kylo stood up suddenly, his fist clenched, and he began pacing the floor. “I call you begging you for help!” Kylo said to the air, as though Han was standing in the room with them, he continued to pace the floor as he spoke. “I have never ever asked you for anything, and I call you, your son calls you and you say no can do.” Kylo suddenly picked up the chair and flung it across the room. “Well Fuck You Dad!” Kylo yelled out, his fist clenched, the vein in the side of his neck throbbed, and then he dropped to his knees and sobbed. Luke got out of his seat and kneeled next to his nephew, putting his hand on his back. “I held her as she died, I watched the life leave her eyes” Kylo whispered. “How did you get her to Snoke?” Luke asked hesitantly. Kylo got up off his knees and walked over to the couch, and sat slouched on it, looking totally defeated. “I held her for an hour, dead in my arms, when this man finally approached me, said he knew someone that could help.” Kylo answered softly. “I thought he was crazy, she was dead, but he said the person that could help me, to him death did not matter.” Kylo said, once again staring into nothing. Luke walked over to Kylo and sat next to him. “That person that stranger spoke of was Snoke?” Luke asked. Kylo nodded his head. “Did the person Han was sending finally arrive?” Luke inquired, a part of him hoping that Han had still sent the help he promised, even though it was too late. Kylo looked at his Uncle sideways. “Yeah, as I was about to board the other guy’s ship, Han’s help arrives. Too little too fucking late” Kylo replied with disdain. Luke placed a hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that” Luke said to Kylo with sincerity. Luke truly was sorry, he wished that he could magically remove all of the pain his nephew was feeling. Kylo shrugged. “What does it matter now, Desai has been dead for a lot of years now” Kylo said dryly, then he ran his fingers through his hair and looked over at the broken chair. “Sorry about the chair” Kylo said, then he began to rub his bloodshot eyes. “Listen, I’m exhausted, I think I need to just sleep” Kylo said looking down at his hands again. Kylo felt drained, exhausted, and numb. Today had been a very emotionally exhausting day. Luke got up from the couch. “Yeah, yeah… uh… you can sleep on the couch, and I’ll see you in the morning” Luke responded. Luke began to walk away, and was half way up the stairs when Kylo called out to him. “Luke” Kylo said. Luke turned back to look at the back of his nephew’s head. “Yeah Ben” Luke responded. “Thanks” Kylo said, then he laid on his side on the couch closing his eyes to sleep. “Anytime” was Luke’s response, and then he headed upstairs to his bed.

 

Rey lay in bed with her eyes wide open. Her room was being cast in shades of orangey /peach glow from the rising sun. When Ben left he did not block his emotions from her; she could still feel everything, she could see all of his memories and thoughts. Rey saw the death of Desai, she felt how raw that wound still was for Ben. Tears rolled down the side of her face and into her hair, taking in a shaky breath Rey sat up in bed and wiped away her tears. As much as she would love to run to Ben and tell him all was forgiven she couldn’t, not yet. She had her own emotional issues to deal with as well. All of her dreams about her family these past few months have brought her to the conclusion that they were dead; well her father was still technically alive, just not himself. Tarra had all the answers to the what and the why’s and Rey needed them. She would deal with her relationship with Ben later.  
Rey found herself standing outside Tarra’s house, staring at the woman’s beautifully carved, heavy wood doors, trying to get enough nerve to knock. Rey stood there for a few moments, taking in quick breaths, and shaking the nerves out. Then Rey thought she heard the sound of a baby’s cry inside of the house. Rey furrowed her brow, then placed her ear to the door. Maybe she was hearing things. Suddenly the door swung open, and Rey almost tumbled inside. “Why are you standing outside my door, acting like a stalker?” Tarra demanded. Rey adjusted herself and looked at Tarra indignant at such an accusation. “I came to talk to you” Rey said. “This isn’t a good time, it is way too early. And as you can see I’m not even dress.” Tarra responded, as she pulled her robe around her and glanced nervously behind her. “Please” Rey said, but it was less of a plea and more of a demand, she really needed answers. Tarra looked at her for a second, then nodded her head. “Walk around back to the garden, there is a gazebo with a table, I’ll have the servants come out and set up for breakfast. Rey gave a slight nod of her head as Tarra closed the door. Rey headed to the back of the house, her stomach tied in knots, she was nervous, and honestly a little frightened; Tarra was a scary woman. Rey entered the garden, and it was beautiful. There was a number of exotic plants, that ranged in a variety of colors, and a number of lush green plants as well, and the aromas from the flowers smelled lovely. Rey followed the stone path that led to the gazebo. There was a young woman already there, wiping down the table and chairs so she could set the table for breakfast. “Hello” Rey said awkwardly. The young girl smiled at her and continued her task, then she briskly left the gazebo, Rey sat down and waited for Tarra. Tarra came out of her house still dressed in her brightly colored robe and nightgown, carrying a tray of tea. Tarra came into the gazebo, her eyes cold and not amused. Rey stood up to help her, but Tarra shook her head, Rey sat back down. Tarra placed a teacup in front of Rey, and one for herself across the table, placing the teapot in the middle Tarra sat, with a flourish, in her seat across from Rey. “I can say that I am greatly annoyed that you showed up to my home unannounced and uninvited, but I am a gracious person. What do you want?” Tarra said coldly, her green eyes showing flashes of anger. Rey reached for the teapot and poured herself some tea. “Well, straight to the point then” Rey responded sardonically. Tarra cocked her head to the side. “Yes well we do have a morning briefing, so it’s not like we have all day. We do have a monster to kill after all,” Tarra scorned. Rey took a sip of her tea before she spoke. “Speaking of monsters, I have been having dreams about one in particular, one with emerald eyes, and dark hair, it has a thing with wearing black and red. This particular monster I believe killed my family and erased my memory.” Rey said calmly, but her insides quivered, not with fear but with rage. The rage was giving her courage, she could feel it pulsing through her, like ice-cold water through her veins. Tarra smiled that amused smile Rey hated. The woman cocked her head to the side and narrowed her green eyes. “Did you come here to kill me then?” Tarra asked calmly. Rey put her cup of tea down, and looked at Tarra, as she lightly touched her lightsaber at her belt. It was tempting, it would be so easy to ignite her lightsaber and take Tarra’s head of her shoulders. The woman did not appear to be armed, but that was not the Jedi way, it was not the way of the light. “Believe me I would like nothing else but to slice your head off that pretty little neck. But I want more than just revenge, I want answers” Rey snarled. Tarra smiled and poured herself a cup of tea, slowly adding sweetener, and taking a sip, looking at Rey as she did. “I didn’t kill your family directly. I was a participant in their deaths, but it was not my hand per se that killed them. Besides I saved your pathetic little life. I put a block on your memories, and I planted some false ones, but it was for your own safety” Tarra said matter-of-factly like she was talking about the weather, or a stroll she took. Rey felt flashes of anger, she could her heart beating in her ears. “You stranded me on Jakkuu, and had me waiting for a family that would never come for me!” Rey accused angrily. Tarra raised her hand “Guilty. I needed to place you somewhere no one would look, and you weren’t five when I left you there, you were more like twelve, with enough fighting skills to defend yourself. I gave you false memories to fill in the gaps, I paid that fat Junkyard dealer to ensure you stayed alive to adulthood, and the rest is history.” Tarra replied. Rey furrowed her brow, she didn’t understand Tarra’s motivation. “Why?” Rey asked. “ Because I had a vision. I was sent to capture you and your mother, while the knights of Ren burned that Jedi academy to the ground. Your mother and grandmother was putting up such a fight that my storm troopers ended up killing your grandmother, and one of the Knights killed your mother. If it makes you feel better, I killed everyone that was with me to keep my secret. I couldn’t have any witnesses reporting back on my betrayal.” Tarra replied. Before Rey could respond the young woman from earlier appeared with trays of food. She quickly and silently placed the food on the table, bowed and left as quickly as she appeared. “I don’t understand” Rey finally said, she felt her rage slowly subside, as her curiosity was getting the best of her. Rey removed her hand from her saber and placed it on the table. Tarra smiled, noticing Rey’s more relax state. “You still don’t understand,” Tarra said. “ I saved you because the Force wanted me to. See Snoke thought he brought back someone he could control. In his thousands of years of life he forgot that I was always a servant of the Force; and that I hold a profound hate for him.” Tarra replied, as she spread preserves on her bread. “You talk about Snoke like you knew him before” Rey said softly. Tarra put her bread down “I know who he is. I know what he is. I know what he wants, and I know he needs to be stopped. I may possess this young body, but my soul is thousands of years old,” Tarra replied, a hint of anger in her voice. “I know you are not Desai,” Rey said. “Who are you really? How did you die?” Rey asked. Tarra smiled, and looked around in the air like she was search for the answer. “I was… what was I?” Tarra said softly, then she looked at Rey, and made a face like the answer just came to her. “Ah, yes… I was a girl, beloved by my egotistical, tyrannical father, so much so he named me Ilona. I died at the hands of my greedy, ambitious, immoral, and insane brother,” She answered. Rey shook her head. “Ok, so your brother killed you. But that doesn’t explain why Snoke chose you to inhabit that body” Rey replied. Tarra leaned across the table. “If one does not learn from history, then one will be doomed to repeat it, over and over again.” Tarra said in a whisper, then suddenly she reached across the table and grabbed Rey’s hand; Tarra squeezed Rey’s hand so tight Rey felt a jolt of pain. “You just need to understand that the force bond between you and Ben happened for a reason. He loves you and you love him because it was fated to be that way by the Force. The Force will find a way to balance itself. Don’t fight the will of the Force” Tarra said, and then she let Rey’s hand go, and leaned back in her seat, calmly taking a bite of her bread. “What about you wanting your child back, was that a lie?” Rey asked, as she rubbed her sore hand. Rey was still trying to figure this woman out, she was frightening. Rey felt Tarra was talking like an insane person. “No, that’s the truth, but it is not my main motivation. Like I said I follow the will of the force. I saw the vision with you before I ever gave birth, or became pregnant. Have no doubt that if Snoke tries to use my son as a bartering tool, I will kill my son, and myself if it will ensure Snoke’s death.” Tarra said with conviction, and as Rey stared into Tarra’s steely green eyes, she didn’t doubt her words, not for a second. Tarra took another sip of her tea, then looked at Rey with her head cocked to the side. “Did I answer all your questions? Can I get on with my day, or do you need something else?” Tarra asked impatiently. Rey looked away from the woman, and down at her hands. “yes...I guess” Rey replied, as she thought to herself that Tarra, Ilona, or whoever; was a crazy person, hiding behind a beautiful sane looking facade. Tarra Smiled, and then got up to head back into her house. Rey took a bite of her bread, and finished her tea before she left Tarra’s beautiful, well-maintained garden. As She walked away from Tarra’s house Rey’s mind quickly went to Ben. She could still feel everything he was feeling. She could prolong his suffering and not talk to him for a while, but she didn’t have a desire to. She had a strong pull to be with him. Could Tarra be right? Could the force bond between her and Ben be so strong she was compelled to be with him, and him with her? Rey preferred to believe that she was with Ben by choice, and not because of some ambivalent entity.


	15. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey forgives Kylo

Chapter 15: Forgiveness

The morning briefing was about tactics, and how the Resistance was going to go about attacking, Snoke and the First Order. Leia had expressed that just cutting off the head did not work the last time, which is why they had to cut off the head and destroy the body at the same time. Everyone agreed, but such a large-scale attack meant it would take a sometime to plan in order to strategically place the Resistance resources where they needed to be. Once the meeting was over Tarra took Luke and Leia to meet the Malkia of Bustani. Rey tried to catch up with Kylo, so she could talk to him. She saw him walking ahead of the crowd, when the crowd shifted a little she noticed that Poe was walking beside him. Rey quickened her pace to catch up with them.  
When she finally reached them they had stopped in front of one of the transport stations that would take them back to the lodgings everyone was staying in. Poe smiled at her when he saw her approach. “Hey” Poe said brightly. “You don’t look too bad for a girl up drinking last night” Poe said jokingly. “Yeah well you look like shit my friend” she jabbed back. Poe really didn’t look like shit, he actually looked gorgeous, per usual. “Oh” Poe responded grabbing his heart. “I’m just kidding” she said, giving him a light punch to the chest. Then Rey turned her attention to Kylo, she could feel his desperation to say something to her, but he didn’t because he didn’t know what to say. The feeling coming across the most was remorse, and regret. “Can we talk later, maybe over dinner?” She asked. Kylo nodded his head, she felt hope ignite in him. “Yeah, yeah...most definitely” Kylo stammered. Rey touched his arm lightly, and walked over to where she saw Finn standing. She didn’t need to look back to know that Kylo was smiling, she felt happiness, and hope spill over into her from him; it made her smile.

 

Later that evening Kylo nervously stood outside the door of his and Rey’s shared suite. Taking a deep breath he prepared to knock when his mother stepped out of the room. Leia wore a slight knowing smile on her face. “She is all yours” Leia said, giving his shoulder a slight squeeze, before she continued on her way. Kylo walked into the suite to see Rey standing in the middle of the sitting room waiting for him. She looked absolutely beautiful. Rey always looked pretty, but tonight she went all out. Her skin glowed, her hair was up in a slightly curled messy bun on top of her head. She wore a little makeup, her dress was blue, like the color of the sky with small red floral print. The halter neckline of the dress was jeweled, and the dress billowed loosely to the floor. “Wow, you look...amazing” Kylo said in awe. Rey blushed and nervously touched her hair. “You look pretty nice too. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who went shopping. Kylo wore a traditional male garment of the Miji Siri males. His shirt was of light breathable material, and a solid color of dark blue with a high collar. The length of the shirt reached his knees, and it had no sleeves. The pants was loose but tapered from the calf to the ankles. “Well I had no choice, all of my clothes was here so…” Kylo said, running his hand through his hair. “Are those for me?” Rey asked, referring to the flowers Kylo held in his hand. Kylo looked at his hand like he forgot that there were flowers in them. “Ah, yeah” he said, handing the flowers to Rey. Rey took them and put them up to her nose to smell them, She smiled and went to the kitchenette to put them in water. Kylo ran his fingers through his hair, then sat down on the couch. Rey came back into the sitting area, and sat down next to him. “Listen, Rey, I am so very…” Rey placed her hand over his mouth. “I know” she whispered, then she removed her hand and kissed him lightly on the lips. Kylo gave a slight smile, then he cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her back. Rey placed her hands over his as he kissed her, then she removed his hands from her face and pulled away. “I saw her death. I understand now. Ben…” Rey said, but before she could finish Kylo began kissing her again, as he pulled her closer to him, then positioned her on him so that she was on top of him, straddling his lap. “I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to kiss you” he said, in between kissing her on her mouth and shoulders. Rey nodded in response and placed her hands on his face, as she leaned in to kiss him back, exploring his mouth with her tongue. Kylo could feel the heat building between them, their kissing became more fevered. Rey started to gyrate her hips, as though she was riding him. Kylo found the clasp to the neck of the dress and undid them, pulling the top part of her dress down around her waist, exposing her breast. “What about dinner” Rey whispered against his lips. Kylo kissed her, then slightly bit her lip playfully. “Fuck dinner” he said hoarsely, as he moved to place her on her back on the couch so that he now hovered over her. Kylo kissed her neck, her breasts, then he began to pull the rest of the dress off her. He kissed every part the fabric of the dress passed over, as he pulled it off; from her hips, to her crotch, her knees, down to her toes, Rey moaned and her back arched as he did. Kylo tossed the dress to the side, he was happy to see she was completely naked underneath, then pulled off his own shirt. “I’ll much rather eat you” he said gruffly, as he ran his hand up her thighs, his fingers finding its way to her soft wet spot, he began to finger her. Rey moaned, and then he pulled her slightly towards him before he buried his face between her legs, his tongue finding her clit. Rey gasped and moan, and grabbed his hair as he explored her with his mouth, licking, sucking, tasting her. Kylo loved her body’s response, he loved the sounds she made as he brought her pleasure. Then her legs began to shake, and her moans turned into explicit, her body started to jerk. “Fuck Ben...uhh, ahh...fuck!” Rey screamed out as she tried to pull away from him, but Kylo held onto her, not yet, he wasn’t going to stop yet. Rey continued to moan and curse until, all she did was scream out, and she forcefully pushed his head away from between her legs. Kylo smiled, wiped his mouth, then pulled his trousers off. Rey was curled up on the couch, still moaning with pleasure, Kylo turned her to face him. “We’re not done” he whispered, then he lifted her up, he sat down on the couch, and he pulled her down unto him; his penis being enveloped by her warmth and wetness, he groaned in pleasure. Kylo rocked her hips back and forth until she began to do it on her own, up and down, back and forth. Kylo watched her body move, her hips moving, her biting her lip as she moaned. He would occasionally push himself deeper in her, sending shock waves of pleasure through him and her, until finally he reached his climax. “Fuck!” he exclaimed as he spilled his seed into her. They sat there for a few moments, breathing heavy, her head laying on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her, his penis soft but still buried inside of her. “I love you” She whispered. He felt wetness on his shoulder, she was crying. Kylo hugged her even closer against his body. This was the first time she said it out loud, that she loved him. Kylo kissed her shoulder, and continued to hold her, he would never let her go, he was hers, and she was his, he would never let her go.


	16. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tarra becomes unraveled when she realizes that her plans have not gone completely unnoticed by Snoke. Kylo and Rey finally realize their destiny

Chapter 16: Nightmares

 

* Tarra stood in a garden she had not seen in thousands of years. The night flowers were in full bloom and they glowed an iridescent light. Tarra walked over to the fountain and looked into the water. The reflection that stared back at her was not the tawny complexioned, green-eyed woman she was accustomed to seeing, but another reflection she had not seen in a very long time. The eyes that looked back at her were still green, but her hair was jet black and her skin was pale, almost as white as snow. Her age was also different, she was no longer a grown woman but a girl of seventeen. “Ilona, Ilona” Tarra heard her old name being called, by a voice that always struck fear in her heart. Ilona pulled her eyes away from her reflection to face the man that tormented her in her past life. There he stood, his dirty blond hair cut close, cold gray eyes, tall and muscular. Most females would look at him and call him handsome, all she saw was a monster. He approached her slowly, rubbing his hands together as he did, his boots crunching on the dead leaves as he walked towards her. “I know what you are up to my pretty, little, Ilona.” He said menacingly, getting closer to her. Ilona backed away from him, stumbling as she did. “I don’t know what you are talking about Harros” She said, still backing away from him, looking around for somewhere to escape. “Don’t Lie To Me!” He yelled. Ilona yelped then turned, and ran. She ran as fast as she could, looking behind her to see if he was pursuing her. When she did not see him behind her she stopped running, leaning against a tree she fought to catch her breath. Suddenly she went flying through the air, landing on her back in a field. Before she could react he was on top of her, his hand gripping her throat, pinning her to the ground. She stared at him wide eyed with fear, it gripped her, the fear paralyzed her. Her attacker leaned in close to her face and licked the tears rolling down her cheek. “Hmm...those sweet tears” he mused, his eyes closed, then a cruel smile appeared on his face. “I think I chose the perfect body for you, she has your eyes, skin is a little dark but...” he said, shrugging his shoulders, his hand still clutching her throat. “You my beautiful, beautiful, Ilona, have grown too cocky, too bold, too sure of yourself. You have forgotten who I was, who I am.” He growled, inches away from her face. Then he smiled, a cruel, menacing smile, taking his free hand he ran it down her body to her private area. Ilona tried to squeeze her thighs together to prevent him from going any further. He laughed cruelly at her lame attempt. “You think your new found friends can save you from me, can save this galaxy? They can’t do what you hope Ilona.” He said, then he moved his hand from her crotch and looked her in the eyes, his hand still on her throat, his other hand stroking her dark hair. “When I am in my new body I will no longer be frail, and I will have you again. You will submit to me, or I will fuck you, and slit your throat like I did all those thousands of years ago. You will either rule by my side or die at my feet.” He growled at her, then he vanished.*

 

Tarra awoke screaming, and drenched in sweat. Her heart raced, she could hear it drumming in her ears. She had not dreamt of the younger him in almost a year. This nightmare was different from the ones she has before. This nightmare was not from a memory, he was speaking to her in the present tense. Snoke had found a way into her dreams, much like Kylo did with Rey. Tarra felt sick, jumping out of bed, she ran to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Tarra’s whole body shook, then she began to sob, loud, body-jerking sobs, the fear from her dream still gripped her. “Pull yourself together, pull yourself together. He is fucking with your head. You are stronger now than you were then, and you are not doing this alone” Tarra said to herself, closing her eyes she took a couple of deep breaths. She had to let them know everything she knew.  
Luke was awakened by a frantic banging at his door. When he opened it, there stood a frazzled Tarra. Her eyes were wild looking, her hair was all over her head, and she held a baby in her arms. “Tarra!” Luke said, surprised. Tarra didn’t wait for him to invite her in she just pushed her way passed him, into his suite. “I need you to get your sister over here” she said. “Tarra it is the middle of the night…” Luke began. Tarra’s eyes flashed with anger. “Get Her!” she yelled, causing the baby in her arms to start crying. Tarra began to bounce the baby making little shushing sounds. Luke went to the teleprompter to call Leia. Leia answered, groggy with sleep. “What in stars blue light do you want?” Leia asked irritated. “You will understand when you get here” was Luke’s response, as he glanced over at Tarra, who was now breastfeeding the baby. “Fuck Luke,” Leia mumbled.. “Just get over here” Luke replied then hung up.

 

When Leia walked into her brother’s suite she saw Tarra sitting on a fur rug on the floor rubbing the belly of a very small baby, humming a lullaby. Leia glanced at Luke, who had one arm crossed over his chest, and the other hand stroking his beard. Tarra did not look like her normal put together self, her hair was wild, and she had tear streaks on her cheeks. “Tarra dear, are you ok?” Leia asked as she approached her. Tarra stopped humming and looked up from the baby. “Yes, but I came here to tell you both something very important,” she replied. Leia got close enough to see the baby clearly, Leia gasped. The baby had dark hair, and his skin was paler than his mother’s . He looked like her Ben when he was a baby. “Tarra who’s child is this?” Leia asked. Tarra looked down at her son. “He’s my child” Tarra replied. Leia got down on her knees next to Tarra, and gently touched the little baby’s chest. “No, I mean, who is the father of this child?” Leia replied. Tarra shook her head. “That is not why I am here. Who my child’s father is doesn’t matter right now” Tarra said, still shaking her head. “It matters to me” Leia responded. Tarra’s lips thinned, and her eyes flashed with anger, then she closed them, took a deep breath, before she opened them again. “Kylo is his father” Tarra replied calmly. Tears filled Leia’s eyes, and she looked down at the sleeping baby in front of her. She was a grandmother, happiness filled her heart, and then sadness. Han would never see his first grandchild. “Can I hold him?” Leia asked softly. “I rather you didn’t, I just got him to sleep” Tarra answered. “Does my son know that he is a father?” Leia asked, pulling her eyes from the beautiful baby in front of her to look at Tarra. “No, he doesn’t, and he won’t know because neither one of you are going to tell him” Tarra said glancing back and forth between Luke and Leia. “You can’t keep this from him, he’s this child’s father, he has the right to know” Leia demanded, standing up to her feet to loom over Tarra. Tarra looked up at Leia, then stood up on her feet, looking down at the shorter, older woman. “Kylo has to concentrate on other things right now, a baby would only distract him. Once Snoke is dead, I promise I will tell him” Tarra said sternly. Leia nodded her head. “OK. as long as you tell him” Leia responded. Tarra rubbed her eyes, and reluctantly looked down at her baby. Sighing she looked at Leia. “You can hold him, while I tell you what I came here to tell you guys” Tarra said to Leia. Leia’s eyes lit up and she bent down to gently scoop up the baby into her arms. Leia carried the baby to the couch and sat down, as she did, she sniffed the baby’s little head and smiled. “Oh it has been so long since I have held one of these. They always smell so sweet” Leia said beaming from ear to ear. Tarra gestured for Luke to take a seat as well. Luke walked over to where the women were and sat down in the chair next to the couch. “Ok, please save all questions to the end. I need you to understand something about me, and about Snoke” Tarra started, and she began to tell a tale of a cruel King, his twin sons, a priestess, her daughter, and a brave monk of the temple of the Force.

 

Luke and Leia stared at each other once Tarra was finished telling her tale. “So… Anakin, my father was a reincarnation of this monk?” Luke asked. Tarra nodded her head. “And he failed to bring balance, and destroy Snoke in the process because he fell to the dark?” Leia added. “Yes” Tarra answered. “And now the responsibility has fallen to Ben” Tarra said. “Rey is his anchor to the light, an even stronger Anchor than Padme was for Anakin because she is force sensitive and his equal. And he is neither light or dark” Luke said. “Yes. And Anakin was not an immaculate conception, he had a father, Schmi was just made to forget.” Tarra added. “So my grandmother was raped!” Leia exclaimed. “No not raped, just made to forget who the father was, besides who he was is not important, it is Anakin’s conception that was important. Your bloodline can be traced back to that monk” Tarra answered. “The dark blade was the monk’s blade, it was charmed by the temple priestesses to consume Harro’s soul and destroy it. Kylo has it now, and I believe that with Rey’s help they can do what is needed.” Luke stroked his beard before he spoke again. “And Snoke plans to transfer his soul into Vaughn’s...Ezra’s body?” Tarra was pacing back and forth and wringing her hands, she began nodding her head vigorously, her breathing becoming irregular. “It was supposed to be Kylo’s body he was going to possess. I think he discovered that Kylo’s soul was anchored to another, but he didn’t know to whom because she was cloaked from him, hidden.” Tarra said, her breathing quickened even more. “And then he will take me, he will take me. I can’t, I won’t go through that again” Tarra mumbled to herself, pulling at her hair. Tarra had been pacing back and forth the entire time she was talking to Luke and Leia, she suddenly stopped and closed her eyes, her body swaying, she looked like she was about to collapse. Luke jumped up, ready to steady her with the force. Tarra opened her eyes and raised her hand up. “I’m fine. I’m just tired” she said faintly. Luke walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “You and the baby can go sleep in my bed I will take the couch” he said gently. Tarra nodded and scooped her still sleeping baby from Leia’s arms, going upstairs to lay down. Luke looked at Leia. “She is terrified” he said stroking his beard. Leia glanced up the stairs with concern on her face. “I would be too if I went through what she did in her former life by the hands of that monster.” Leia responded, standing up she started for the door, then turned to face Luke again. “Do you think it is right to keep the knowledge of his son from Ben?” Leia asked, her brow furrowed with uncertainty. Luke looked over to his sister. “I think it would be better for her to tell him, and for us to stay out of it” he replied. Leia nodded her head, and then left the room.  
*  
Weeks of planning, and the fleet, soldiers, and pilots was ready to engage with the First order. One thing Rey had noticed was that Tarra was actively absent for the last few strategy meetings that they have had; now the woman stood on next to one of the Miji Siri Commanders in her full battle gear. Tarra must have felt Rey staring at her because she looked up from the tablet she was skimming through and nodded at Rey. Rey nodded back in acknowledgement. Ben walked up next to Rey, putting his hand on her waist, kissing her on the forehead. “You ready for this?” He asked, concern in his eyes. Rey lightly touched her new lightsaber, and nodded her head. “We have trained hard for this” she responded. Ben shook his head. “I mean are you ready to kill your father, because he won’t be able to be saved. His soul would be gone, replaced with Snoke’s” Ben said. Rey sighed, and looked down at the floor. She had been holding out hope that she would be able to save her father. He was all she had left of her family, but when Leia had told them a few weeks ago that Snoke will most likely be inhabiting her father’s body, she broke down in tears. Rey looked up at Kylo and nodded her head. “I know what we have to do” she replied.

 

The travel to Rohodunia only took a couple of hours, their Armada dropped out of hyperspace, fully cloaked and undetectable. The planet was being orbited by three flagships, and small fleet of eight smaller battle ships. “Let’s position our ships to surround theirs” Leia commanded. Leia turned to Rey, Luke, Finn, Tarra, and Ben, nodding her head to indicate it was time for them to head down to the surface of the planet. Rey could feel her heart pounding in her chest as they headed to the landing bay to board their ship to the surface. Kylo grabbed her hand and squeezed it, giving Rey a reassuring smile. Rey smiled back at him then looked at her other companions. They were not going down to the surface alone, they were being accompanied by a platoon that consisted of resistance fighters, and Bustani soldiers. Rey glanced over at Tarra, and Rey could have sworn she saw fear in the woman’s green eyes. Rey turned to Ben. “I think you should talk to Tarra, she looks terrified” Rey said to him. Ben shook his head “Tarra, terrified…” Ben started to say not her, but then he looked over at Tarra, and he saw it too. “Yeah, I’ll go talk to her” he said and got up to move to where Tarra sat. Rey watched as Ben took Tarra’s hand in his and whispered in her ear, and for the first time she didn’t feel a pang of jealousy. Finn moved to take Ben’s place next to Rey. Rey smiled and looked at her friend. “I hope I am not the only one scared shitless right now” Finn said jokingly, but serious at the same time. Rey took her friend’s hand. “Finn, you are truly a light in a seemingly endless roll of dark clouds” Rey replied. Finn looked at her, and then bust out laughing. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked between laughs. Rey started laughing too. “I don’t know” she replied. One of the Resistant soldiers looked at both of them, his face serious. “What in blues star’s light is so fucking funny?” he asked. Finn and Rey looked at the soldier and tried to straighten their faces. Finn cleared his throat. “Nothing, nothing” Finn replied. Rey needed that laugh, she could always count on her friend for that.  
They were able to pass through the First order fleet undetected because of their ship’s cloaking, landing on the planet’s surface safely. The planet surface air was stale, and the temperature was cold but not freezing, there was a heavy fog that permeated through the planet. There were petrified trees and some plant life but the planet itself seemed devoid of any other life. “This way” Tarra said as she took the lead. They walked through some woods a short distance before they entered a clearing, and just beyond the clearing, through some more woods there was a large, stone castle like structure. “So there use to be a civilization on this planet at one point” Luke commented. Tarra took a deep breath. “Yeah, mine” she replied, as she continued leading them across the field, through the woods, and towards the structure. When they reached the edge of the woods, and the entrance to the fortress could be clearly seen, Tarra held up her hand for them to stop. She closed her eyes, and tilted her head to the side. “I know, I feel it too” Ben said, taking his lightsaber off his belt, but not igniting it. Luke, Rey, and Finn did the same, Tarra did not touch hers. “He’s expecting us” Tarra whispered. “Well, let’s not be ungrateful guest then” Luke replied, taking the lead. They walked across the stone bridge, through the gates of the fortress. The village inside the fortress walls was decayed and crumbled, not much was left of the buildings. Death had been here for a very long time. The soldiers readied their blasters, Rey and the rest of them ignited their lightsabers. Kylo signaled for the soldiers to fan out and search the grounds. Rey, Kylo, Finn, Luke, and Tarra continued to walk forward A few feet in front of them they thought they saw shadows in the thickness of the fog, they stopped walking, listening. Then in the distance, somewhere within the village, they heard blasters, and the shadows in the fog came charging at them. The battle had begun.

 

In the midst of the fighting, Tarra had managed to break away from the group and head for the castle. She knew where to find Snoke, or Harros, because that was who he really was. As Tarra walked the halls of her old home, she remembered the fear that gripped her every day since the age of fourteen. She didn’t know what she did to catch her half brother’s attention, but from the first day he raped her, to the day he slit her throat, she lived in fear. What dark corner would he appear from to grab her and do what he wanted with her? “I am not that little girl anymore” she repeated to herself, over and over as she approached the throne room. Tarra reached the huge iron doors that lead into the great throne room of the castle. Her heart pound, as she pushed open the doors with the force. There, directly in front of her was the great throne of Pocetacc. There was no one there, Tarra took slow steps into the middle of the room, she could hear herself breath. “I have to hand it to you, You have become quite brave.” Tarra whirled around, grabbing and igniting her lightsaber as she did. Vaughn stood behind her, his eyes cold, cruel and steely blue. “Vaughn?” she said, her voice shaking, because she already knew the answer. He tsked with his tongue, slowly walking towards her, rubbing his palms together as her approached her. “Harros” Tarra hissed. “I know, this is not the young body I was hoping for, but it is fit, and strong, and it is a lot younger than the flesh I just recently cast off” Harros said, still approaching, as she backed away from him, her lightsaber raised. “Don’t, don’t” was all she could get out. Harros reached for his lightsaber and ignited it. “There is a whole battle happening, above us, and outside, but to me, there is no greater battle than between me and you Ilona” Harros said, smiling at her. “Why couldn’t you ever accept my gifts, the love I have shown you? Why do you make me have to punish you?” he chastised, as he lunged to attack. Tarra blocked him, their lightsabers crackling as they hit each other. “You are a rapist, and a mad man. I would run myself through than to ever accept any form of love from you” Tarra spat back, as she lunged to attack him. Every offensive move she made he was able to block or dodge, then as if he tired of toying with her he flicked his wrist and sent her flying across the room. Tarra hit a wall, her lightsaber went flying out of her hand. She saw bright spots in front of her eyes and it took her a minute to regain her vision. Harros grabbed her by the throat, and forced her to her feet. “Now, what did I tell you I would do to you if resist me, little sister” he whispered in her ear. Tears streamed down her face, he was too strong for her. Maybe he was right, she had grown over confidant because as Snoke he was just a frail being, someone she could easily beat, but in this new stronger body he was back to who he was. “You’ll slit my throat” she answered. Harros traced her jawline with his lips then he forcefully kissed her on the mouth. Harros pulled away with a jolt, Tarra had bit his lip, drawing blood. Sucking the blood from his lip he smiled at her cruelly, then leaned in close to her ear. “I said I would fuck you, then slit your throat” he whispered in her ear. “Then do whatever it is you’re going to do” she answered defiantly. He smiled again, taking his free hand he caressed her cheek. “You want to die before seeing your son?” he whispered, his face inches from hers “ He has Hux’s red hair, but your eyes” he concluded, with a cruel smile. Tarra’s lips trembled. “Where is he?” she asked. “On one of my destroyers, with his father, orbiting the planet” Harros answered. “Let her go Snoke” Tarra heard Kylo’s voice say. Harros backed away from her, still holding her by the throat, turned sideways so he could get a full view of the entrance where Kylo, and Rey stood. Harros chuckled and turned to Tarra. “Well Ilona, I guess it’s time to kill your friends.” he said, then everything for Tarra went black.

 

Rey could see the fear in Tarra’s eyes when her father stepped aside to see them better. His eyes were still deep blue, but behind them she could see a cruelty that wasn’t there before. Rey took note that his face was chiseled and handsome, for a man his age she could tell he was very fit, and she could see why her mother would fall for him twenty or more years ago. “Remember Rey, that isn’t your father that is Snoke in that body” Ben reminded her. Rey nodded her head, that’s right Snoke, not her father. Rey saw as Tarra crumbled to the floor, Snoke had put her in a force-induced coma. “Not Snoke, not anymore” Harros said, as he turned to face them. “You can call me Supreme Leader Harros now.” Harros concluded, igniting his lightsaber. Both Rey and Ben went on the offensive, Rey held her lightsaber staff in front of her, Ben turned the dark saber once in his hand, and they attacked Harros from both sides. Harros was quick, fast and strong, they just couldn’t get close enough to land a blow, and to make it worse he was landing all of his. When he finally forced pushed them both away, Rey knew they had to come up with a better strategy. “Open your mind up to me, and I will do the same, then we both need to open ourselves up completely to the force” Rey said to Ben. “Ok” Ben replied. At that moment Finn and Luke came running in. “Need help?” Finn asked a bruised up, Rey and Ben. “Yeah, distract him while Rey and I try something” Ben Replied. As Luke and Finn went toe to toe with Harros, Rey and Ben closed their eyes, becoming completely one with each other, letting the bond between them tighten, and allowing the force to completely take over.

 

As Finn and Luke tried to weaken or slow down Harros, the room began to shake, making all three men unbalance. When Luke looked over at Rey and Ben they were emanating the brightest light Luke had ever seen, their pupils were gone, Rey’s eyes were completely white, and Ben’s was completely black. A voice came from the both of them, echoing vibrating throughout the entire room. “Mi Smo Svijettlo I Tamnos.” The voice said from Rey and Kylo, in a language Luke did not understand. “You Can Not Destroy Me, I Am Eternal!” Harros yelled at them. Then Rey and Ben began to approach Harros, Finn and Luke quickly moved out of their way. Their movements were fluid and in unison. Every move Harros made it seemed that Ben and Rey already knew he was going to do it, and was landing blow after blow upon his body. Until finally, he was on his knees spewing blood from his mouth, Rey and Ben stood on either side of him. Ben raised the dark saber and brought it down, plunging it right into the heart of Harros. An unholy scream escaped Harros’ lips, his body flailed, and the ground shook, lightning came from nowhere and struck the body that Harros inhabited. Ben and Rey stood there stoic and unmoving, with their pupil less eyes. Finally the room stopped shaking, and Harros’ dead body collapsed to the floor, at the same time Rey and Ben both crumbled to the floor unconscious.


	17. Small moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are happy.

Chapter 17: Small moments

 

Ava ran at top neck speed through the field, she felt the wet blades of grass between her toes as she ran, her two older brothers Liam, and Hayden were not that far behind her. “Ava” She heard one of her brothers’ call out to her. Ava laughed and ran even faster, her long dark hair billowing in the wind as she ran. Ava Didn’t even slow her stride when she reached the house, she burst through the doors, startling her mother who was setting the table for supper. “Ava, you need to stop doing that” her mother said. “Sorry, is daddy home?” she asked, as she tried to grab a roll off the table, her mother slapped her hand away. “Go wash up, and no your father isn’t back yet” Ava’s mother answered. Liam and Hayden came stumbling into the kitchen door, both boys out of breath, their dark hair sticking to their heads from sweat. “You two go wash up for supper” their mother said. The boys nodded and immediately ran upstairs Ava’s mother looked at Ava. “Ava go wash your hands” her mom said sternly. Ava stared defiantly at her mother with her deep blue eyes, then she slowly walked to the downstairs powder room to wash her hands. While Ava was in the bathroom, she heard the front door open, She quickly turn off the light to the bathroom, and hid behind the door. She watched as her mother approached her father, and he wrapped his arms around her, picking her up slightly from the floor before giving her mother a kiss. Then her brothers came running downstairs, loud and boisterous. They jumped on their father, he fell to the floor like they were too much for him. Ava came running out of the bathroom with a warrior scream, and jumped on her father as well, rolling, and tumbling on the floor with her father, and her brothers.  
After supper her father carried her upstairs for bed, while her mother tried to wrangle the boys for the night. Ava could hear the clacking of her brother’s wooden swords, as their mother yelled for them to get ready for bed. “What story would you like to hear tonight little mouse?” her father asked, nipping her nose with his knuckles. “The one about the brave princess from the desert.” Ava answered, snuggling deeper into her covers. “Ok” her father said, and then he began his story. 

 

Rey finally got the boys down for bed, after several attempts. Six year old boy twins, was enough to make a sane person crazy. Letting her hair down, she headed to the master bedroom. Ben was looking over some reports when she came into the room, and flopped down onto her back on the bed. “Tired?” He asked, stroking her hair. “Your children have boundless energy” Rey answered. Ben smiled, and kiss her forehead. “Ava’s fourth birthday is two weeks away, are we throwing her a party?” Rey asked. “Yeah, Leia wants to throw her something at the estate in Naboo.” Ben replied still scanning through reports. Rey sat up. “No, no… I love your mother but Ava is turning four not forty, no big lavish ball” Rey replied. “We can have something small here and invite some of the kids from Luke’s academy” Rey said. Ben nodded his head, as he added annotations to the report he was going over. Rey looked at him, her head cocked to the side. She scooched closer to him and took his tablet away. “Rey...What?” He began. Rey put two fingers to his lips, then she pulled her nightgown off. “Oh,” Ben said, with an amused smile on his face. Rey climbed on top of him, and kissed him. “Do I have your attention now?” she asked. Ben nodded. “My full attention” he answered. Rey smiled, and pulled off his shirt. “Good she said, now lose the pants” she demanded, as she turned off the lights.

 

Two weeks had gone by quicker than Rey thought it would. Against her better judgement she allowed Leia to plan Ava’s party, and like she thought Leia went over board. Leia had Flowers decorating every table, she bought Ava a gown, she invited over a hundred people, she hired carnival performers, and later on she was told there would be fireworks. Rey sighed, but how could she be mad, Ava was having a blast running around with Poe’s daughter Sofia. “This is one fancy party for a four year old” Finn said as he came up behind her. Rey turned to look at her friend. “I know” she replied rolling her eyes as she took the drink Finn was handing her. Rey looked across the field from where she was standing and saw her handsome husband talking to his mother, Luke, and the newly elected Prime Minister of Naboo. “I know times like these Ben thinks about Kieran, and Hux’s son Ennis” Finn said, as he gulped down his drink. Rey looked down at her glass then back across the field at her husband. “I don’t mention their names anymore, it has been three years since Tarra ran off with them” Rey replied. “But I am sure he thinks about them every day, he loved those little boys. Especially Kieran.” Rey said, then she took a sip of her drink, and turned smiling face towards her friend. “Let’s talk about happier things like your impending fatherhood,” Rey said, punching Finn playfully in the arm. Finn smiled, looking down at the ground. “Yeah Kaylin and I are pretty excited,” he said, then he looked up at Rey his eyebrows furrowed, “Who told you?” he asked. Rey smiled and looked over at Poe who had a small crowd around him, everyone of them intrigued by the story he was telling. “That big mouth, and he talks about my wife!” Finn said, laughing. Rey laughed with him, and laced her arm through his arm. The sun was setting and soon the fireworks show would begin. Leia was calling everyone over to the cake table to sing Ava happy birthday before the fireworks. “Come on let’s wish your very spoiled daughter happy birthday” Finn joked. Rey nodded, and as she walked towards the cake table, arm in arm with her best friend, she couldn’t help but be happy; she hoped that the happiness and peace would last forever. Rey knew that nothing, not even peace lasts forever, for who knows what the future may bring; but she could hope, and relish all these small moments.

**Author's Note:**

> I would appreciate it if you left comments, it would help me greatly with improving my writing skills. I am a novice writer, so I am new to this creative genre. Your input is greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy my story. Thank you.


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